


Sexual Education

by Alsike



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Sex, Extremely Dubious Consent, F/F, Heterosexual Sex, Kara Danvers/Mon-El Break Up, Polyamory, Sex Education, every type of sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:28:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 53,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23230969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alsike/pseuds/Alsike
Summary: Maggie and Kara aren't friends, but they're working on it. It's hard when they both love Alex more than is probably healthy. But when Kara finally does the deed with Mon-El, she needs someone to talk to.Maggie is either the exact right person, or the worst choice possible.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 424
Kudos: 882





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone. I feel like we are all having a pretty rough time right now, and need some entertainment. I've been putting off posting this one because a. it's not quite done (2 more chapters to go) and b. I OWE LOTS OF FIC TO PEOPLE, but if this will bring a little joy (read: smut) into people's lives right now, I want to offer it.
> 
> Warnings: this fic talks about sex explicitly in ways that are probably a little gross. I'm not tagging everything yet, because we're still in the intro chapters, and they're only talking about things, but there will be Het-Sex, blow-jobs, anal sex, dub-con, sex toys, gender interrogation, D&S aesthetics, threeways, and Lots and Lots of processing. Keep an eye on the tags.
> 
> This fic is a sibling to the Maggie/Kara deepthroating fic.

Superheroes had never been Maggie's thing--and that included Bats. They made a cop's life harder, and they took all the credit too. 

But Kara was different.

Earnestness wasn't Maggie's thing either, but there was something quietly sad underneath Kara's earnestness, or maybe it was just loneliness. When Maggie had started seeing Alex and had to deal with Kara's frowny forehead and low-key death threats, Maggie figured it out pretty quick: Kara thought Alex was  _ hers _ and she had far too few things that were hers left to just let Maggie walk off with one of them.

The solution, Maggie realized, was to make Kara think of Maggie as hers also. That would solve two problems in one go. Kara would stop growling at her when Alex was being dopey and shy--Alex was an adorable baby gay and this was all going to go to shit, but Maggie figured she'd enjoy it while it lasted--and Kara would have one more person to keep her from being lonely.

So, Maggie asked Kara out on a date.

It wasn't a date-date, but what else did you call, hey, I want to get to know you. Let's hang out, get coffee, no Alex to be territorial over.

At first, it hadn't gone great. Kara came in defensive, which made Maggie defensive in return. But they’d gotten lucky. A lost kid was hanging out by the coffee shop's bins that day, and while Kara put the fear of god into the guy who'd been trying to pick him up--fucking chickenhawks--Maggie had talked to him. Home wasn't a good place, so she'd taken him to her fave halfway house, and Kara had met her on the steps while she was introducing the kid to Miss Kory who ran the show.

"I probably would have just taken him home," Kara said, softly, as they walked away.

"Sometimes home isn't all it’s cracked up to be," Maggie said, and Kara looked at her, sharply, as if she'd heard the one thing Maggie never said underneath the words she had.

It got easier after that. Kara would drink monstrous coffee concoctions--often without any coffee, and Maggie would have hers black as pitch and just as strong, and they'd talk, about anything. Anything except Alex.

Maggie wouldn't call them friends, exactly. But they were friendly now, and sometimes, when they ran into each other on the street or at the DEO, something from one of their ‘dates’ would come up, and they would be bent over Maggie's phone, showing each other youtube videos of pop music and cats, until Alex would cough uncomfortably, and they'd remember they were supposed to be rivals.

Well, rivals didn't seem like the right word, but Maggie didn't have a better one.

And then one afternoon Kara showed up for their meetup looking grim and tired and lost. Maggie encouraged her into a comfy chair, bought her a unicorn icey, sat next to her, put her hand on her knee, and couldn't think of anything to say besides 'Tell me what's wrong.'

It took Kara a bit to get going. She kept making awkward faces and rubbing the back of her neck in embarrassment. The fragments of sentences she managed--l _ast night, Mon-El, I didn't know,_ _was it really supposed to be like_ \--were _almost_ enough for Maggie to put it together, but not quite.

"It's just--" Kara finally said, looking at Maggie, with those clear blue eyes that were so obviously not of this earth. "I thought it was going to be better than that. Alex was always like, ugh, dudes, but now she has you and she's all blushy and glowing and she likes sex. I figured that okay, the ‘ugh dudes’ was because she didn't like men and just hadn't figured it out. But I  _ do _ like men. I just-- maybe I don't like sex? Maybe I just don't know how to do it right."

It all came clear then. Kara had hooked up with the scruffy alien boy who'd been following her around, and it had gone off like a bum rocket.

"It was your first time?" Maggie asked, making her voice as gentle as possible.

Kara huddled into herself, a very human discomfort on her face. "I had chances. I was a loser in high school, but after that I'm pretty sure people were going to ask me sometimes."

Maggie wanted to roll her eyes. Was  _ Supergirl _ really worried that Maggie thought she wasn't cute enough to get a date? "Babe, I have no doubt they were lining up for you. But he was your first?"

Kara nodded. "I never had sex with a human because, well, I thought I'd probably break them. But he was strong enough so I didn't have to worry, and he wanted to so badly. But . . . it went wrong. I wish I knew what I did wrong. He kept looking disappointed in me, as if he expected me to pick up on things that I was missing. But I'd never done it before! And the voyeurism of entertainment involving human sex makes me uncomfortable. So I just never paid attention to how it was supposed to go."

"No one's first time is perfect," Maggie told her.

"Alex's first time with you was," Kara said, sullenly, staring down at her hands.

Maggie snorted. "Did she tell you that? Oh my god. No, it wasn't. It was hilarious. Your sister has so many hang-ups that I felt like I was prying her out of her underpants with a wrench. And she talks a good game, she's all focused and serious and like, I'm ready, and then she's like, nope, do not touch my ass, do not pass go."

Kara was staring at her and Maggie couldn't quite tell if she was horrified or fascinated. "Alex wasn't good either?"

Maggie suddenly saw a Very Large Foot approaching her mouth. But Kara sounded so hopeful. "She had potential. But did she know what she was doing? No. But it was okay. We talked, and figured out what she was ready for, and then worked out a plan to get her through some of her, let's say, self-confidence issues, to test out other things." Having to use Green-Yellow-Red to go down on someone was really a kind of new thing for Maggie, and there were a  _ lot _ of Yellows, but it wasn't like Maggie minded spending time with Alex's abs. They were pretty great abs. "And, honestly, I feel like first times should be about talking. It's fine if they're funny rather than sexy. Sexy is for later, when you can play a scene. You have to get through the getting-to-know-you stages first."

Kara sighed. "I'm just . . . I'm not that comfortable with sex stuff, or even being naked with people. And . . . penises in my face." She grimaced to the point of physically shuddering.

Maggie laughed, and very carefully did not say 'are you  _ sure _ you like dudes?' Liking men as romantic partners did not mean enjoying dick in your face, and probably more guys should learn that fact. "I really, really need a blow-by-blow of what happened. It sounds priceless."

Kara glared at her.

"But then, maybe, I can give you some advice."

Kara sucked on her straw, inhaling rainbow milkshake until the straw rattled in the dregs, her eyes fixed on the distance as if she wasn't there at all. "Okay," she finally said. "This is what happened."

It had started with kissing, she said. Kara liked kissing. She  _ loved _ kissing. Mon-El's tongue got a little too enthusiastic, but she went with it. He made weird moaning noises when he put his tongue in her mouth, and so she figured it was supposed to be sexy. So she tried to feel sexy, and it worked, pretty much. Mon-El moved on top of her, pushing her onto the bed, like she was the swooner in a romance novel, or something, and that was fine. And then his hand slid up her shirt, and that was thrilling and a little taboo, and she liked that. Then he was grabbing her boob, and she didn't like that, but it was fine, she protested just a bit, and he started kneading it with his palm which didn't feel amazing, but didn't hurt.

And then she could feel him getting hard through his pants.

It felt weird, and he started making moany noises again and leaving bites on her neck, and she didn't really realize that he was undoing his jeans, until there was only boxers between them and his dick was  _ hot _ which was weird and kind of gross, and there was just a tiny bit of flesh visible through his fly, and it looked stretched and swollen and, honestly, like there was an infection. Alex had an infected wound once, and the skin there looked just like this.

She was so distracted by the hot press of his dick that she hadn't noticed his hand going up her skirt until he was nudging her legs apart with his knees and then his fingers just pushed aside her underwear and into her folds, and she really hadn't been ready for that. Her body reacted, but it was like he'd expected her to try to buck him off, and he was holding her down, and leaning into her face and saying, 'oh, you're wet, you want my cock.'

Honestly, it had all been moving a little fast for Kara.

She didn't like not being able to buck him off, and she didn't like his fingers in her without asking, but she was supposed to be having fun. This was supposed to be sex, the fun thing, the thing that made Alex go red and soft. And so she focused really hard on liking his fingers in her.

He was rubbing and circling and stuff and it was . . . fine? And then he started kissing her again, and that was a lot better. She could shut her eyes and focus on his lips, and his hand got slower when he was trying to kiss her at the same time, and that was better, and finally she was really feeling turned on, and ready to go, and then he stopped kissing her and touching her, and was moving around on the bed, and she opened her eyes and THERE IT WAS. A Dick, In her Face.

"Show me how much you want my cock," he said, waggling it, like he was proud of it, and poked it towards her mouth.

She hadn't been able to stop herself from flinching away.

That was his first confused disappointed look.

He made another attempt, but Kara was still a hard no. There was a droplet of  _ stuff _ oozing out from the tip, and she didn't want that anywhere near her very excellent taste buds. And his balls were just  _ there _ , and she didn't need to see that.

Wasn't it so weird how men are tall and smooth and tough and sturdy, and then they take their pants off and there's this shriveled little sack and a limp tube that sometimes turns into an excited tube, but has all the gravitas of an overwrought chihuahua?

Maggie, dying inside, gravely nodded. "Yes, it is."

Okay, Mon-El said, I'm going to put it in you, and Kara was like, okay? There was some shuffling, and she let him between her knees, and couldn't really see him, staring up at the ceiling. And he tried to pick up her ankles and move her feet around, and that was just weird, but she let him. And then finally, he put her ankles on his shoulders and put his fingers in her again, pulling her apart, and then, he put something else in, something hot and fleshy and swollen and it _ hurt _ , and she was like, oh no, stop it, nearly taking his head off with her legs, and he's ducking and going, no, it will feel better soon, and he has one leg up and the other out and he's putting it in again, and groaning, and she's just biting her wrist, and he's all like, yeah, yeah, it feels good now, doesn't it? But it didn't.

Come on, he's like, come on. And then he's like, fine, let's try something else. He made her get on her hands and knees, and it hurt  _ worse _ , but then but then it finally did stop hurting, and it was feeling a little good, just sort of pleasant, like a itch getting a bit of a scratch, but not enough to make it go away. And he was like, yeah, yeah, let's go, and getting faster, which didn't make it better, and then he pulled out the whole way and when he tried to come back in he  _ missed _ , and it almost went up her bum, but she stopped it, and he made an ouch noise, and gave her another disappointed look. Then he went back down and didn't say anything while he jackrabbited against her until he spurted gross stuff into her, rolled over, patted his dick as if it had done a good job, and passed out.

She'd lain there feeling unpleasant until she got up to have a shower and get his stuff out of her.

And that was that.

In the morning he'd told her it was fine, and that he was super excited to do it again--he even tried to start it again, but Kara said she had to go to work--but she hadn't felt like it was fine. It ought to have been better, for both of them. Right?

There was one thing Maggie picked up on immediately. "He didn't use a condom?"

"What?"

"He came inside you?"

Kara nodded, looking confused.

Maggie shut her eyes. "This was last night?"

"Yeah."

"Right ho, we're going to the clinic."

As they walked to Maggie's favorite alien sex clinic, she explained to Kara a few things that she'd missed. To be honest, the advice Maggie wanted to give her was 'dump this idiot.' From what she'd gathered, he hadn't even got Kara naked. What idiot would sleep with Supergirl and not spend like half an hour just admiring her body? Fucking worship it. Tell her she's gorgeous. Make her smile.

But Kara hadn't asked her for relationship advice. She'd asked for sex advice.

"First of all, it sounds like he has a script that he's working from that isn't working for you. So you guys need to communicate until you find something that does work for you. If you are not into blow jobs, he's going to have to get used to that. It sounds to me that you need a lot more warm-up before going straight to PIV, so sound him out about going down on you. It'll probably weird you out at first if you're anything like your sister, but once you get used to the idea, you'll probably like it."

"Maybe I could get used to blow jobs too?" Kara suggested. "He looked so disappointed."

Maggie bit her tongue. With  _ that _ look on Kara's face at the thought of penis, she wasn't holding out hope. "It's possible."

"Why was he so disappointed the second time, do you know?" Kara asked.

"Yes." Maggie said flatly. "And surprise anal is a no-no. Tell him that, and if he doesn't listen, kick him to the curb."

"You mean he did that on purpose?" Kara was staring at her with wide, horrified eyes.

"Yes. It's a dominance move. Trying something on you that you didn't sign up for."

Kara shook her head. "No. He wouldn't have meant it like that."

Maggie shrugged. "Maybe not. Maybe he thought you'd be into it."

Kara went silent for a few blocks. "Do people really like, um, anal?"

"Sure," Maggie said. "Your sister does." Then she froze as Kara's eyes seemed to bug out of her head.

" _ What _ ?"

Maggie grimaced. She should not have said that. "Not like, full on, but when I tie her up she gets all breathy and red faced and if I slip her one she comes really hard."

"You-- you tie her up?" Kara looked like her knees were going to give out. "People do that?"

"Alex is pretty subby." Getting her out of her pants had gotten a lot easier once she'd gotten her into the handcuffs. Headspace: Engaged.

"I don't know these words." Kara's eyes were glistening. "I don't know anything. I didn't even know I should have made sure we used condoms--"

"Babe," Maggie said. "It's okay. This is supposed to be a journey, not a download. I can talk you through the basics, and then you can start to work out what you like on your own."

Kara still looked scared and sad, but she nodded and followed Maggie into the clinic.

Pleasantly, the alien doc told Kara that she didn't have to worry too much because all Kryptonians had their tubes tied at birth. If she wanted to reverse the process she could come back, but until then, she could ride as many bareback boys as she wished with no chance of procreating. She was a low risk for human diseases, but Daxam had quite a lot of STDs, and they were likely compatible with Kryptonians, so he sent off for a culture to check. Maggie had planned on leaving the room when Kara was in stirrups, but Kara shook her head and made her stay.

"You know," Kara said, about halfway through, staring up at the ceiling with her knees up. "This is almost exactly how it felt at first."

"Oh babe. That was some really bad sex," Maggie couldn't help but respond.

When they were out again, Kara looking anxiously at the pamphlet 'Daxamian STDs and You,' Maggie wasn't sure how to go forward from here. "I have a couple books on, um, sex tips 101 if you want it."

But Kara was frowning fiercely at the pamphlet she did have and then raised her chin. "I want you to teach me."

"What?"

"I want you to teach me how to have good sex."

At that moment, with the prettiest, most ferocious Kryptonian Maggie had ever met looming over her, Maggie being about eye height with her boobs, Maggie didn't have any words but--"okay?"

#

"Alex? I need you not to kill me. But I kind of promised your baby sister that I'd teach her how to have good sex."

Maggie was not dead after that conversation, but it was a close thing.

Yet it was the moment when Maggie had said "Mon-El was  _ not _ a good bang, and I just thought--" that Alex had gone utterly still and white.

"She slept with him?"

Maggie had nodded very slowly, keeping her eyes on Alex's face. Sometimes, Maggie thought she always referred to Kara when talking to Alex as 'your baby sister' and Alex when talking to Kara as 'your sister' (big was not applicable, with Alex--the shorter and scrawnier sister, despite her best efforts) because she was waiting for them to flinch.

They were sweet, but the way Alex got shaky when she'd spent too long away from Kara, and the way Kara would stare sadly at her phone if Alex didn't answer her texts immediately read to Maggie as CODEPENDENT in neon flashing lights.

"She didn't come to me?"

Maggie just stared at Alex. There were so many things she could say to that, starting with the 'I heard you pushing her at him' going to the, 'hahaha,  _ you _ give sex advice?' to the 'would you really want to admit your big-ass failings to the person you admire most in the world?' and settled on: "I think she made the right choice. I am the only available sexpert in the area."

Alex had looked shocked for a moment, and then snorted.

"I mean, would you have known where to take her for a sex-health check-up with someone familiar with aliens?"

"Um," Alex glanced around.

Maggie narrowed her eyes. "Or would you have taken her to a government facility and tried to do it all yourself? Babe, I know she loves you, but I don't think she loves you enough to let you play doctor in that way."

Alex turned bright red and seemed to be searching for words. "All right, fine. Fine. You're right. I trust you. Teach Kara all the things, but please, never say anything like that again."

"Cool," Maggie said.

#

Maggie hadn't hidden the fact that she was super attracted to her girlfriend's little sister from said girlfriend. In fact, she made a point of needling Alex about Supergirl being 'so hot' and on her 'would definitely bang' list on a regular basis. It made Alex flushed and angry but in the kind of way that triggered Alex's competitiveness and got Maggie pounced on. But Maggie wasn't entirely sure if Alex had really realized that being attracted to Supergirl was just default, I live in National City, but that Maggie was also really attracted to Kara.

Honestly, Maggie did not know what it  _ was _ about the goddamn Danvers Sisters. Neither of them were her type. Alex looked like her type, all leather and confidence and motorcycles, but she didn't switch  _ off,  _ a crazy work-obsessive who forgot to eat or see the sun, and then you got her out of her comfort-zone and she was all shy straight-girl stereotypes, because she didn't have any other frame of reference. Kara and her doofy glasses and horrible cardigan-over-an-oxford tv-nerd-girl outfit was not her type at all. But then she'd look intently at Maggie, and listen to what she said in the way that said she was hearing it through universes of experience, and Maggie wanted to unpack all her secrets and spread them out for the girl to pick through.

Also, occasionally she wore plaid shirts tucked into jeans, and looked like the softest dyke Maggie had ever met. In high school, Maggie would have died for that kind of Nebraska ho.

Anyways, when Kara showed up at her apartment for their first Sex Lesson, Maggie was starting to realize that this had been a terrible idea.

Kara was looking shy and casual, in comfy jeans and a UCNC sweatshirt, and had let her hair come half tumbling down, so that when she took off her glasses, she was like an optical illusion with Supergirl versus Kara and Maggie kept jerking her head back, trying to see both at once. And, of course, she smiled in that overwhelming yet shy way when she came in, and then bent down to kiss Maggie's cheek, and say, 'thank you for doing this,' and Maggie was like, goddammit Alex, why did you say yes to me doing this?

No temptation, right?

First thing, Maggie sat Kara down at the kitchen table, and went through the safety tips. She was thorough. She was thorough in the way a health class had never  _ dreamed _ of being thorough, but health classes tended to pretend that both aliens and queers didn't exist, and the intersection of alien and queer was Maggie's home base.

Maggie wasn't sure if she was surprised or not surprised that Kara lit up when it got sciencey. Both of the Danvers Sisters had a hard-on for science. Maggie wasn't a genius like them, but she hadn't gotten assigned to the Science Police by being bad at it. Alien forensics and alien sexual health actually had a lot of overlap, and when she got going, Kara didn't stop her, until she'd pulled out her crime scene snaps and they were perusing microscope slides of what might be Talaxian semen.

"Okay," Kara said, nodding her head. "I think I'm ready for not getting into trouble even if I take up intergalactic escorting, thank you. But now I need the skills to ace the job interview."

She looked so intensely serious that for one horrifying moment, Maggie was sure that Kara  _ had _ found a job opening as an intergalactic escort, and Maggie was going to have to break the news to Alex. But then Kara laughed, looking embarrassed. "Maybe that's asking too much. Just, you know, not being disappointing would be fine."

"Babe," Maggie said, when she'd gotten her center back. "By the end of this, the classiest escort agency in the galaxy is going to be begging to hire you."

"Yeah?" Kara looked both shy and excited, and Maggie  _ knew _ she was in way over her head.

#

The softcore porn was not going over well.

Kara was sitting on the sofa, stiff as a board, and expression of desperate focus on her face, like a rookie cop on his first morgue visit.

There had to be a better way to do this. Maggie turned it off.

"Okay, enough entertainment. Let's talk."

Kara seemed startled but also relieved. She turned to face Maggie, crossing her legs on the sofa. "What about?"

"I want to know what you think is sexy."

Kara tipped her head, contemplating this. "I don't know."

"Sure you do." Maggie grabbed her laptop off the table and opened Pinterest.  _ Kara's Sexy File _ , she named a new board. "Let’s look. Assholes won't let us see what's tagged as 'sexy' but we can be more specific. What's something you like in a guy?"

"Um," Kara seemed to consider this. "Tall? I like tall guys?"

Maggie tried it. There were a few jokes and a lot of pics of tall guys kissing small girls' heads. As a short person, Maggie found this offensive. She didn't mind going up on her toes to kiss a girl--she might need a step-stool for Kara (NOT THAT SHE WAS KISSING KARA)--but forehead kisses and other infantilizing nonsense was garbage. Kara seemed faintly unimpressed also.

"Maybe guys in nice clothes? Like purple button-downs."

The result for "purple button up shirt men" was also rather lackluster.

But Kara seemed to have decided this was a challenge. She started typing. 'Well dressed men' was much better. "Oh, I like scarves. Guys in nice soft scarves, I like that. And oh, he's cute, look at that beanie, he looks like Alex. Ah, John Boyega in a purple suit, I love him."

Maggie was trying not to fixate on the 'he's cute, he looks like Alex.'

"Mm, I like suit jackets on girls too," Kara was typing and frowning when the algorithm was not giving her what she wanted. She scrolled and then paused, then clicked.There was a girl, south asian, maybe? Blasian? in a long velvety black suit jacket, tight around her waist and hips, collar opening onto a hint of black lacy lingerie, and Kara's hand hovered over the trackpad, frozen. Maggie snuck her finger under it and clicked, 'pin it.'

Kara looked at her, flushing.

"Hey, if you don't want it, I'm saving it for me."

Maggie's lists opened up then, and Kara blinked at the names. "Oh. Can I look through that one?"

She added the pic to Kara's Sexy File though, and Maggie was pleased.

Maggie was like, sure, and then froze, because she'd clicked on Maggie's  _ Alex _ file. There were no pics of Alex, obviously, because Alex was very careful about her internet presence, but there were pics of various things that made Maggie think of Alex, like motorcycle boots, and cute girls with wry smiles, and bruised and bloody knuckles, and then things that she might want to see Alex wearing, like sweet tailored suit jackets, and ties, and a leather collar around a kneeling boy's throat.

Kara kept giving her quick, darting looks, and looking back, her face getting red.

Then she kept going, finding her board of girls in suits--not just suit jackets over cute dresses, but full suits, zoot suits, crisp white sleeves and dark jackets, and butch haircuts, and then softer suits, wooly coats and maroon silk scarves, plump cheeks and silvery spiked up hair, and then her skater list, all slouchy jeans and snapbacks and about nineteen pins of Leticia Bufoni (Maggie might have a poster in her room, and Alex ribbed her about that a  _ lot _ , but fucking Leticia Bufoni man).

"She's pretty," Kara said, a little confused, and Maggie got it. The tiny shorts and bikinis were not matching the rest of Maggie's favorite things, and Maggie batted Kara away from the computer.

"No, no. You have to see her skate." And then they watched X-games videos of Leticia Bufoni owning the Street style. And Kara leaned back into the sofa and fanned herself and grinned at Maggie.

"Yes. Sexy."

"I told you," Maggie nudged her with her elbow, and Kara gave her a sidelong look that Maggie suddenly realized wasn't one she'd seen Kara give anyone before.

"You look kind of like her.'

"What, you're saying I'm narcissistic?"

Kara's eyelids lowered. "I wouldn't blame you if you were."

All of the words got caught in Maggie's throat and she started to cough hard enough that Kara was patting her on her back and looking worried.

"No, no. I'm fine," Maggie managed finally. She just hadn't expected Kara to pull out such fine flirting chops. But she was Supergirl. She had many skills.

"So, what's this got to do with good sex?" Kara asked.

Maggie gathered herself. "So, good sex is mostly in the head." She tapped her skull and grinned at Kara's raised eyebrow. "Sometimes, when you're in the thick of things, you kind of forget why you thought this was a good idea at all, so having a good sense of that feeling you have when you see something sexy can be helpful to pull it back."

"It can?"

"Yeah," Maggie said. She bit her lip. She had an idea for this, but she wasn't sure if it was any good. "How's your tactile sensitivity?"

"Mm?" Kara frowned. "About human normal. Alex did tests. They involved rubber hammers.” Kara narrowed her eyes at Maggie. “I didn't like them."

Maggie grinned. "Okay. Can you take off your sweatshirt?"

Kara nodded and tugged it off as if it was nothing. Underneath she was wearing a soft grey tank top, threadbare from too many washings, and . . . very familiar. It was the style Alex liked. Maggie carefully filed the thought under 'contemplate later,' probably Eliza had just gotten them both the same styles of undershirt. But it was Alex's favorite kind, and Maggie was pretty sure her mom wasn't a fan of such masculine styles. Copied or stolen?

"Okay, turn around."

Kara scooted around until her back was facing Maggie.

"Now shut your eyes, and think about some of those sexy things you looked at, okay? Focus on the feeling they gave you. Use them to build it. Come up with some new sexy thoughts. Think of this as a kind of meditation. And I'm just going to--" Maggie swallowed. "Very platonic neck rub, okay?"

She carefully placed her hands on Kara's back, knowing she couldn't really do a lot when there was bulletproof skin involved, but the touch was just symbolic anyways. Kara had to do this with her head. 

But it was  _ nice _ to touch her. Her skin was warmer than a normal human's, and though Maggie had expected the bulletproof skin to be more resistant, it felt soft under gentle touches. She wondered faintly if it was like that kind of gel that was soft if you touched it slowly but was resilient as all hell if you hit it hard. Maybe. She kept her touch soft and let her thumbs rub up Kara's spine.

Kara let out a soft breathy sound. Her breathing shifted, her hand flexed against her knees. Maggie kept softly working at her shoulders, finding skin, circling through the soft fabric of her (Alex's) undershirt.

Finally, Maggie leaned in and spoke softly in Kara's ear. "Are you turned on?"

Kara nodded, her eyes still shut, grip tight on her own knees.

"Awesome," Maggie said, doing her level best to not say, 'Me too.' She breathed, and felt Kara begin to turn, felt the brush of her hand on her arm, the soft sigh as Kara leaned into her shoulder.

If Maggie felt Kara’s lips on her neck, she was actually going to die.

It couldn’t happen.

Maggie jerked back. "Okay, I think that's enough for today. So, be safe, and remember that even the most platonic touch can feel sexy in the right mental context."

Kara looked startled and a little put off, and Maggie felt like a shitty top, even though this had  _ nothing to do with topping _ .

"Hey," she said, and when Kara wouldn’t meet her eyes, she tugged at her arm, drawing her into a hug, "This was great, I loved doing this with you."

"Oh," Kara said softly, and then wrapped her up too, burying her face into her shoulder. She gave great hugs.

Maggie didn't let go until Kara relaxed and started to draw back. Kara looked better then, soft, with a gentle smile in her eyes, and clear gratitude on her face. "Thanks, Maggie," she said. "I'm so glad I have you."

"Yeah," Maggie said, feeling as if she'd lost connection with her mouth. "I'm glad I have you too."

And again, Kara leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek, and Maggie didn't know if it was her who turned toward it, or Kara who went slightly astray, but it brushed over the corner of her mouth, and then Kara, stumbling back, blushing, exclaimed, "duty calls!" and in a flash disappeared out the window.

Maggie fell into one of her kitchen chairs. "Oh God," she mumble to herself. "What have I gotten into?"

When Alex came in an hour later, she frowned a little at the sex literature still strewn over the table. "Was Kara here earlier?" she asked.

"Yes," Maggie mumbled from under the blanket on the couch.

Alex sidled up and sat on her feet. "So, how's the sex ed going?" she asked, grinning, as if it was a big joke.

"Fine?" Maggie said, helplessly. "But-- Your sister is a terrible flirt. And we didn't even get to talking about actual sex. I think I need a chaperone." An idea lit up in her head. She sat up and clasped Alex's hands between hers. "Alex. Please. Please be our chaperone."

"Wait," said Alex, bewildered. "What? What happened?” Her brow went glowery and, in fact, absolutely terrifying. “ _ What did you do with my sister? _ "


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your responses! Getting comments from you really makes me feel better too.

This was another conversation Maggie barely escaped with her life.

There was a lot of frantic 'Nothing! I did nothing!'s. Eventually Alex calmed down enough to listen.

"What do you  _ think _ I did with Kara?" Maggie finally asked. Did Alex trust her enough to do this at all, or was this just a default protectiveness response for Kara? She was kind of thinking it was the latter, and Alex's response confirmed it.  


Alex went wide-eyed and red-faced and shook her head. "I don't-- I don't know." She sank onto the couch and crossed her arms, staring down at her own knees. "Why aren't you comfortable being with her on your own?"

Maggie rubbed the back of her neck. There were a lot of things that she could say here. Some of them were things she had learned from being with Alex. Mentoring could be sexy. Vulnerabilities were often deeply hidden and accessed unexpectedly. And Kara might not know it, but she was bi. That girl was hella bi. If things got cozy, it would be way too easy to 'put theory into practice.'

"Look," she said. "I haven't done this sort of thing before, not while I'm in a relationship, and not with someone I wasn't seeing or at least hooking up with. I don't know how far is too far. It's great that you trust me, but I don't always trust me, and if I fuck up, I want you here for Kara."

Alex went soft, ducking her head and smiling up at her through her hair. "I think you're selling yourself short."

Maggie closed her mouth and did not follow that up with, 'and when you walk in on me making out with your sister, you'll be selling me for stew.' She put both her hands in her hair. "I'm not going to try to fuck up," she said. "But I'd feel safer with you nearby. I mean," Maggie hesitated, and then slid a little closer to the truth. "What if she turns out to be bi? You two are both brave and kind of stupid--" Maggie waved away Alex's offended 'Hey!' at that. "--and I'm catnip for baby queers. Having you within earshot might keep her from the kamikaze kiss attack that you tried."

Alex gave her a grumpy scowl. "That isn't going to happen. Kara isn't bi."

"Maybe not," Maggie said. She did not say, 'there is no way the girl who bonded with me over the way Leticia Bufoni just stands on a skateboard is not at least slightly bi.'

"And even if she were, it's a little cocky to say she'd be into you."

Maggie shrugged, putting up her hands. She also did not say 'I know what it looks like when a girl looks at me and likes what she sees, especially if she wants me to know.' Nor did she say, 'I'm yours, and she likes things that are yours, like that fucking undershirt she was wearing today.' She just said. "Look, this is delicate stuff. And I'm glad she came to me, but I know she trusts you. If things blow up, she'll want you, not me."

Alex leaned back, resting her head on the back of the couch, and stared up at the ceiling. "I'm not sure I want to hear you guys talk about sex." She made a face. "Especially about sex with Mon-El."

"You don't have to listen," Maggie said. "I'd just feel better if you were somewhere in the apartment. Even, like, working on your computer in the bedroom."

Alex sat there, processing, for some time, and then nodded. "Okay, I can be there."

Maggie sighed, relieved, and settled back onto the couch beside her. Alex had her head tipped to the side, looking a little embarrassed about the sudden downshift out of 'Must Protect Kara' mode. "Thank you for looking out for her," she said.

"I'm not sure if building her a spank bank is something you should be thanking me for."

Alex winced. "Oh god," she held up a hand. "I'll be here, but please no details."

Maggie laughed. "I will endeavor to spare you."

Alex grinned, then leaned in, sliding her hand into Maggie's hair, and sought out a kiss. Maggie accepted gratefully. Fuck, she'd been turned on since Kara had shown up, and the backrub had just put icing on that cake. She crooked her foot around Alex's thigh and pulled it out from under her, sending her slipping onto her back on the couch. Maggie crawled on top of her and pinned her hands above her head.

Alex fought for a moment, then submitted, arching her back and neck, offering Maggie her throat.

"God, you're hot," Maggie said. "I want to ride you."

Alex bit her lip, and then nodded. "Get up here."

_ Someone _ was feeling a little adventurous. Honestly, Maggie would have been fine with grinding off while kissing. But as if she'd say no to this. She stripped off her jeans and underwear and as Alex got settled, knee-walked her way up her body to her shoulders. Alex gave her a look that had the same sense of intense focus as the one she had before she headed out into the field, let Maggie get herself tucked in properly, and then caught her hips and slid under like a car mechanic.

The first touch was magic--the rest of them too. Alex had gotten so fucking good at this.

Maggie bent over a little, clutching the arm of the couch, and had a deeply bad thought.

_ Kara doesn't have any idea what good sex is like. If I wanted to show her, I could just lend her this. _

And the thought of Alex, insecure, vulnerable Alex, blindfolded, handcuffed, and Kara, naked and aroused, still totally innocent, kneeling over her--it was so good that Maggie almost came right then.

#

"Alex is here?" Kara asked when she came in, her head cocked slightly in that way that meant she was listening for Maggie's girl's heartbeat.

It was another one of those things that Maggie tried to not think too hard about, but sometimes she pressed her head against Alex's chest and thought that, yeah, she could learn to recognize it too. It just wouldn't be that useful with her not being able to hear it unless Alex was already right there.

"Yeah, she's working in the bedroom. You don't mind that she's here, do you? She doesn't want to listen in, if you're embarrassed to talk about this stuff with her."

Kara ducked her head. "It's fine."

She seemed a little skittish though, and Maggie stepped into her, rubbing up the back of her arm. "You sure? I can tell her to get lost."

After begging Alex to stay, that was hilarious. But this was for Kara, if Kara wasn't comfortable, she'd change it.

"It's fine," Kara repeated, not moving away from Maggie, her body radiating warmth. (I _ f Maggie kissed her right now, even right in the next room, Alex would never know. _ ) She sagged a little more, and Maggie shoved down her stupid hindbrain to pay attention. Kara needed someone to pay attention to her. "Mon-El, he wanted to make out at lunch today, and then he got hard again and wanted me to, I don't know--" She swallowed, looking away, but keeping her voice quiet so only Maggie could hear. "--touch it, and so I tried. But I messed up. He made a face like I was hurting him, so I pretended there was a fire and left him with his pants down. I need  _ help _ ."

"Hey," Maggie squeezed the back of her arm. "None of this is natural, okay? It's complicated and highly socialized. You're doing what you need to be doing to learn."

"Thank you, Maggie," Kara said, smiling at her softly. Her eyes were so goddamn blue.

"Right," Maggie coughed and moved back. Sex therapy time, not perv on your girlfriend's little sister time. She frowned. "Actually, you've given me an idea about a good place to start. Skills! And equipment."

Leaving Kara in the living room, she ducked into her room, and grabbed her sex toy chest. Alex gave her a long look, with both eyebrows up and mouth very tightly closed, and Maggie grinned and shrugged. She'd promised no details. Alex could always watch if she was worried.

"Okay," Maggie said when she dropped the big plastic tub on the carpet in the living room. "Let's talk about hand-jobs."

Kara's face when Maggie started taking out her 'collection' was amazing. To be fair, it wasn't like Maggie was an obsessive collector, but she was usually the person in the relationship (99.9% of the time) who took point on Cleaning and Maintenance of sex toys, so that meant that when the relationship broke up, she retained custody. Also, sometimes she just found something that was really cool, and couldn't help herself. (She still maintains that the Edward Cullen dildo was well worth the branding mark-up. She will also never tell Alex that her favorite strap-on to get railed by is Twilight-themed).

After the fourth one was out of the box--really, Maggie could narrate her whole dating history through her sex-toy collection--Kara started leaning forward and looking curious rather than horrified.

"Is that one rainbow?"

"And glow-in-the-dark."

"Why's that one so . . ." Kara made helpless gestures with her hands.

"Dragon shaped."

Kara's eyes went wide.

"Artistic license," Maggie clarified. "This is human made. No one took a mold of a space dragon."

"I was  _ thinking _ it was a little small," Kara said, and then grinned.

Surprised at the joke, Maggie laughed. A warm bubbly feeling rose up in her chest when she looked at Kara, who had now picked up a Rabbit and was turning it over in her hands, seeming puzzled. She had her thumb on the clit stim when she switched it on. It buzzed her hand and she yelped and dropped it.

Adorable.

_ Fuck _ .

"Anyways," Maggie said, snagging it and turning it off. "Your hands clean?"

Kara nodded seriously, then Maggie blinked, and she was at the sink, scrubbing industriously, and then back again.

Maggie flipped her a condom. "Practice time."

They went through eight or nine, Maggie giving tips, Kara frowning as she trained herself to manage a new skill.

"You'd think--" she said, while trying to tug just enough at the condom’s tip to create a reservoir without pulling the whole thing off again, "that if I can draw, or pet a cat, or tie shoelaces, that the strength shouldn't be an issue. But for each new thing I have to regrade it."

"You're doing great," Maggie said. "My health class had to do it with bananas, and let me tell you, that was a barrel of monkeys." She rolled her eyes. "And then they made fun of me for being good at it. 'You won't need that, dyke.' As if they knew the first thing about lesbian sex."

Kara paused, surveying the carnage on the floor. "You've used all of these?"

"Mm. One way or another."

Admittedly, the really big one was a gag gift from a friend, and had only been used to prop open the door when she was moving. But that was a use. It counted.

"You like these, but you don't like guys?" Kara sounded shy.

Maggie grinned. "Never equate a man with a penis. Also--" She waggled the dragon dildo in Kara's face. "--never gets soft, doesn't require a dude to be responsible for keeping it clean, and doesn't spurt foul and potentially infectious substances."

Kara laughed, and then bared her teeth, making a playful lunge at the head of the dragon dildo, snapping at it. Maggie fake gasped and cuddled it to her chest. Then she grinned and offered it back to Kara's mouth. "It also doesn't get cold feet when you barely brush it with your teeth."

Kara batted it away, grinning and laughing hard enough that her eyes were watering.

Maggie, catching sight of movement in the mirror on the mantle, glanced back and saw Alex in the doorway, staring, wide-eyed. She met Maggie's gaze, something astonished and bewildered on her face, and then she ducked back inside the bedroom. The door clicked shut.

Maggie didn't know what to make of that, so she did her best to put it out of her head.

"Okay." Maggie found a double-ender and a bottle of KY. "Now for the second round of skills." She winced, trying to quickly visualize how this should go and running into a problem. "So, it's kind of been a while since I've played this way, and if I want to stroke off Alex it's to tell him he's pretty, so I'm usually behind him, mirror in front. How were you guys settled when Mon-El wanted you to give him some service?"

Kara was staring at her. Her mouth opened, forming the shape of 'mirror' and Maggie forced a dumb look onto her face. She needed to stop outing Alex as into exciting different kinds of kink and gender play to her sister.

"Um," Kara said finally, and looked at Maggie's legs. "I think we were kind of like this."

And to Maggie's horror, Kara crawled forward, interlacing their legs, and backing her up against the couch, to hover over her, hand inches away from her lap.

"Oh," Maggie squeaked. "Okay?"

She dropped the double-ender, that was going to be way too much stim, and grabbed one of the chrome dildos. Dude was resilient, right? This was close.

She settled it vaguely in the right place--okay, fine, on her thigh, she didn't need this to actually get her off (Kara smelled like sunshine and sweet cherries)--took a firm grip with both hands and nodded towards the KY.

"Get that on your hands. Start out long and slow, okay." She waved the dildo from side to side like it was the one speaking and made her voice a little squeaky. "I might look priapic, but I need some pampering."

Kara smiled at her, but it was also softer, more hesitant than it had been a few minutes ago. She took the bottle and wrinkled her nose as the lube oozed on to her hand. Then she leaned over Maggie again, and closed her hand around the base of the dildo, her lube-wet fingers brushing against Maggie's. Not breaking eye-contact with Maggie, she started to stroke, long and slow, as requested, the pressure strong enough to roll the base of the dildo into Maggie's thigh.

"Oh-- okay," Maggie said. "Good, you're doing good. Maybe a little gentler, and if you want to move your thumb a little, to hit the underside. There's a vein there, it's supposed to feel good. Then over the top, hit the tip."

Kara took a look, shifting her grip. And Maggie stared down at where Kara's hand curled around the shaft, lube-smeared chrome underneath her long fingers, the push and pull of that impossible strength, working so gently and loosely. She had beautiful hands, graceful fingers, trimmed nails, big enough to wrap easily around the cock. Big hands were nice on a girl.

"You can twist too. Um, start low, long twist up."

Kara still focused, did as suggested. There was a squeak against the chrome, the dildo turned in Maggie's very sturdy two-handed grip. Maggie flinched. Kara froze.

"Um, more lube. And . . . maybe a little gentler. Your boy's tougher than most, but you still don't want to pull it out at the roots."

Kara winced, then nodded, and shifted her position, settling back to sit on Maggie's lower thighs, and lubed up both her hands, enough to squelch.

"You can, um, twist both ways at the same time if you want, one with either hand."

Kara stacked her fists and gave slow alternate turns, her gaze so steady, her face still and focused, so serious and adult.

"Try twisting right under the head."

Maggie's mouth was horribly dry. Her breath felt like it was coming through a cheesegrater.

"You want to keep practicing this until you really get the hang of it," she managed. "Then you can kiss him at the same time, and not have to think about what you're touching or how hard you're holding on that much."

Kara just nodded, not responding with any expression. She regripped at the bottom, firm and so strong, rolling the base deep into Maggie's muscle, then slid up, and then, keeping her right hand on the cock, moved even closer, reaching out with her left hand, hooking it behind Maggie's shoulder, and leaning in, as if drawing her close to kiss her. Her hair fell over Maggie's collarbone, her right hand put too much weight on the cock and pressed the head into Maggie's lower belly. Her breath was warm on Maggie's cheek.

She hovered there, for one desperate moment too long, and then drew back.

"Okay," Kara said, sounding as breathless as Maggie felt. "I get it. I think I get it."

"Why--" Maggie swallowed hard, trying to work up some more saliva. "Why don't you borrow a dildo and that lube, to practice at home?"

"I-- yes," Kara said. "Okay."

She was up, standing among the sex toys, looking unsettled, glancing tensely towards the bedroom.

Fuck. Alex.

Maggie hadn't even thought once about Alex while Kara was all up in her business.

"Right," Maggie said. "I'll find you a bag. You don't need someone snapping a pic of you carrying that stuff in your supersuit."

She hustled around and tried to pretend that it was just Kara sitting on her legs that made it hard to walk straight. (Who was she kidding--nothing about her was straight.)

She got Kara a bag, and Kara hovered by the door, looking awkward. "Um, thanks," she said.

Maggie hurt, a lot, in unexpected ways. She grabbed a box of condoms and tossed it to her. "Here," she said. "Keep that on you, all the time. And use them. Don't let him try to talk you out of it." Maggie hesitated. "You deserve better than that."

Kara's face went soft and she smiled shyly. "Thanks, Maggie."

"It's my pleasure." And fuck her if that wasn't the truth.

#

Maggie walked into her bedroom and found Alex sitting on the bed, staring hard at her hands. She looked almost as fucked up as Maggie felt.

"Kara's gone?" Alex asked.

Maggie nodded.

They looked at each other, and Maggie didn't ask what Alex had been thinking while watching them fool around with sex toys, and Alex didn't ask what Maggie was thinking while off-duty Supergirl had pretended to give her a hand-job.

"I want to blow you," Maggie said, abruptly.

Alex's eyebrows shot up.

"With the good one, okay? I-- I just want to blow you." She could say, 'I'm pretty sure that's what Kara's going to ask about next and I need some practice.' She could say, 'I accidentally mentioned you strapping on to your sister and it was a really good thought that I really didn't need right before Kara decided to sit on me and make me horny.' She could say, 'I don't know what you were thinking when you saw us goofing off, and I don't know if I'm wishing or not wishing that you were into it, but if you say yes to this, I'm going to really wonder.' But she didn't.

"Yeah," Alex said, nodding with certainty--not submission but agreement. "Yeah, with the good one."

The good one was not human made. It had neurofeedback and a lot of customizables. And when Maggie got on her knees and took Alex straight in to hit hard against the back of her throat and Alex let out a gasp-whimper and clutched at her hair, it felt like half-penance, half-sin.

Maggie never gave serious blow-jobs. They were always a good time, over-dramatic, comic. But this time, she went hard, slicking up her hand to work in concert, making it hurt just enough for Alex to like it.

After the first orgasm, Maggie pressed her head against Alex's abs and tried to catch her breath. "Fuck me," she said, breathing the words, her bruised lips shaping the sounds on his skin.

And Alex held her down and spread her legs, and looking at her, nose to nose, brow hard and mouth serious, did.

#


	3. Chapter 3

Kara had spent a large part of her life just going along with things. What else was she supposed to do, a stranger in a strange land, with no idea how this stuff was supposed to work anyway? It had gotten her in trouble a few times. Back in high school, with some mean girls who had been jealous of her growth spurt (in all directions--Eliza had taken her bra shopping, and that had been humiliating enough) had lured her into a 'secret cove' for skinnydipping (which they all said was perfectly ordinary) and then led her, once naked, out in front of a large portion of her high school class.

The pointing and laughing was something she would always remember.

"You don't just go along with things," Alex had scolded her, knuckles bruised and bloody from 'defending her honor' or something. (Kara liked calling it 'defending her honor' because it made Alex angry and embarrassed, or angry because she was embarrassed, or just embarrassed because it was true).

Kara had scoffed. "You always expect me to just go along with  _ you _ . 'Kara, you just don't understand. Kara, just do it already. Kara, follow my lead--'"

"It's different," Alex protested.

"Why?"

"Because you can trust me."

That was the difference, Kara decided. Trust.

She trusted Mon El.

Sure, he was also a stranger in a strange land, and she'd been the one telling  _ him _ 'you just don't understand, just do it already, follow my lead,' but there were some earth things he seemed to understand more easily and naturally than she did. And then, when he'd given her those puppydog eyes and told her he loved her and kissed her, so sweetly, it had felt like  _ finally _ . Finally someone wanted to touch her body and she wasn't afraid to touch them back.

Kara loved touch. She loved Eliza's squeeze of her arm and J'onn's firm handshake, and those hugs she'd finally wormed out of Ms Grant. And Alex. Alex had always been so unrelentingly physical, fighting with her over the last of the brownies or the remote control even when there was no guarantee Kara wouldn't accidentally break her arm, giving the most desperate, fiercest hugs, offering the warm press of her shoulder on the couch in the evening, stretching the length of her body against Kara's, all muscles and scars, all love.

Only lately, when they  _ weren't _ fighting, the hugs were few and far between. The tv nights where Alex's body would be close against hers were no longer frequent. Alex didn't sleep in her bed anymore.

Kara knew whose fault it was.

Maggie's.

It was the fault of Maggie and Sex.

Kara wasn't  _ mad _ that Alex had finally discovered that sex didn't have to be boring and awful. She was excited, at first. Touch should be joyus. Kara loved it and missed it and it was right that Alex had some that was good. Just because the night before Kara's date with James she'd dreamed of squeezing his dick so hard between her thighs that it burst, and then on the real date she'd bumped him just very gently when they were kissing and made his lip bleed, making it ever so clear that she needed to cut him loose or she'd kill him, it didn't mean she was  _ jealous _ of Alex for finding what Kara had been looking for. Alex deserved all of those dumb smiles and late mornings and  _ love _ .

But couldn't she do it while still remembering that she had a touch-starved alien around who needed cuddles too?

The answer had fallen to earth like a sign from Rao. Cute boy, near Kara level strength, libido up the wazoo. Only problem: Daxamian. And, well, she just hadn't liked him very much. It made her feel bad to  _ dislike _ a lost homeless refugee. But he just--

Oh fine, she was jealous.

Kara was mature enough to admit to herself that she was jealous. She was jealous of Alex for finding someone to smooch her in public and do other things in private. She was jealous of Maggie, for Alex's time and attention, and she was jealous of Mon El, for tromping right into the world she'd had to shape herself and change herself to fit into, and just not caring.

And also, for being a dude.

Once he got even the barest handle on his strength, he'd boned humans nonstop. He wasn't scared of hurting Ms Grant's new assistant when he picked her up and sat her on his dick. He was just pleased and excited that his dick was comparably sturdier and his stamina was better on Earth.

(She'd overheard him talking to Winn about it, in great detail, while Winn was sinking into a deep expression of horror.)

Kara was a slightly competitive person. She came by it honestly--both her parents had been competitive and, well, growing up with Alex, who was weaker, smaller, and less knowledgeable, and nevertheless  _ never _ gave in without a fight, had only honed those instincts. So when Mon-El had started his parade through the women of Earth, she'd been jealous and indignant. It was easy to be a dude. If they were scoring based on pleasing human women, Kara could definitely please as many human women as he could!

Maybe.

Potentially.

Oh fine. Kara had no idea how to please a human woman, but it wasn't fair that Mon El had only been on this world for a month and wasn't afraid of touch.

And then it had turned out that he wanted her.

After weeks and weeks of everything relentlessly going wrong, it felt like one thing that might be okay, might be right. And around that time, Maggie had started asking her out for coffee dates. It had been a difficult transition, but Maggie was a good person, and Kara hated that her jealousy was messing with Alex's happiness. So she tried, and Maggie tried, and Kara eventually discovered that Maggie was not just a good person, she was funny and raunchy and sometimes sad, and had gorgeous hair and adorable dimples and a quick mind, and interest and knowledge about aliens and their place on earth that made Kara feel like she hadn't been paying enough attention.

This, in some sense, made it worse. Because now she wasn't just jealous of Maggie for having Alex, she was jealous of Alex for having Maggie. Maggie was A+, few drawbacks--a little skittishness around personal topics, a fury when it came to abused or abandoned kids that could cross the line into violence, and a terrible sense of humor, while Mon El was more . . . B-. Handsome face, good body, a weird untouchability when it came to his feelings about his lost planet and home, a tendency to completely ignore any ethical code until it was pointed out to him, and a disinterest in the things Kara cared most about.

But he was a good kisser, and he didn't seem to be a  _ bad _ person, just an ignorant one. And he wanted her. Intensely, almost possessively, he pushed and pushed, trying to become someone she would like.

A for effort.

Kara liked touch, she liked to be touched, and Mon El was clearly good at pleasing all the human women he had banged. So when she let him push her down and felt his hot cock press against her belly, she'd been excited. It was going to be good. She was going to have sex. Finally. Not just curling close to Alex and playing with the soft hair on the back of her neck, and still aching for more. Finally she would have  _ satiation _ of touch.

And maybe an orgasm.

She'd heard good things.

Then he'd put it in her face.

Let's face it. Kara had not seen  _ many _ dicks in her life. But she'd seen a few, particularly when her x-ray vision was still out of control. (Alex had once sat with her outside the cafeteria leaning close, and whispering, "how about him?" until she came out with a measurement, such as "four inches." leaving Alex snickering. There'd been one big guy, "seven or eight" and Alex's face had screwed up like this one wasn't funny, just disgusting. "Ew." And honestly, Kara had no idea why she hadn't figured out Alex was a lesbian minimum eight years earlier.) But all of those dicks had been innocuous, tucked safely inside underpants, soft and disinterested, or half-hard for no apparent reason and causing their owner some embarrassment.

They hadn't been  _ expecting _ anything.

Mon El's cock was not the largest she'd seen (he had nothing on James--Kara really hadn't intended to look through his pants, but she'd nearly dropped her notes, and then had many bad thoughts about Lucy riding him), and it was clean and reasonably well shaped--for a penis--but she just didn't want it in her face.

What she'd wanted was him to keep kissing her, to, perhaps, watch her with warm eyes as she lay naked for his pleasure, to kiss her throat and each breast, and exclaim in amazement and joy at her form. She would have returned the favor, appreciating his muscular chest and skinny but strong arms, and then, when they had become elated by the pleasure of skin to skin contact, he would push his tool of love inside her and still kissing her, touch her so deeply with it they became one, and through this deep internal massage, bring her to heights of pleasure and communion heretofore inexperienced. (Kara had read a number (14) of romance novels, and though it all sounded a little vague, that was how it was supposed to work. Wasn't it?)

Blow jobs were not part of this fantasy.

But he’d acceded to her  _ nope _ , and had gotten back to the plan. He had taken her legs, spread them, and she'd felt the hot, swollen, squashy --almost  _ spongey- _ ness of the head of his penis press against her very soft, rather wet (though not exceedingly so) folds, and a gathering feeling in her stomach--excited and scared--had readied her. And he'd thrust in.

Only, he hadn't quite made it. It had hurt, stabbing in partway, and had slipped aside, and Kara hadn't expected it to hurt. She'd expected her body to 'open like a flower' for him. Instead, she nearly took his head off with her feet.

Then he'd poked around with his finger for a bit and that had hurt too, and then he'd fed his cock in where it had been, until he felt solidly engaged, and then had grabbed her legs like steering wheels and, telling her, in a very non-relaxing way, to relax, worked his way in, his eyes falling shut, and his mouth gaping like a beached fish when he’d entered her.

"Oh fuck, you're tight. You're so tight. I haven't felt anything as tight as this, holy crap," he rhapsodized.

But Kara couldn't really feel very much at all.

There was a pain, like she'd gotten her skin pinched between two opposing forces and it was trying to pull it apart, but it seemed displaced, somewhere in her lower back maybe, nowhere Mon El's cock was supposed to be. She had an odd feeling of fullness, but no sense of the shape of what was inside her.

She'd started to cry then, though she did her best to hide it. Not because it hurt, because although it did, it wasn't like she hadn't been hurt much worse, and not even because she wanted him to stop and he didn't notice, his eyes shut and expression still fish-like as he moved inside her, but because it was all so disappointing.

This had been supposed to make up for so many things she'd lost. And instead, it was just . . . faintly unpleasant.

Eventually, Mon El noticed--not that she was crying, thankfully, but that she wasn't responding with the appropriate appreciative moans. Game as always he suggested other positions.

At least on her hands and knees he couldn't see her face. But in this position, at the end of each thrust, it was like a small explosion of pain inside her. Finally, she'd figured out how to angle her hips so it didn't stab her in the cervix, and then it was . . . fine. When he'd missed and almost gone up her butt it had been a relief. Clenching tight and stopping him hadn't hurt at all.

But then he'd looked so cross and disappointed. She hadn't known what she'd done? Was it the tilt? Was this not working for him either? Why hadn't he  _ finished _ yet, she just wanted this to be over so they could go back to cuddling?

He'd come half in her half on her, and Kara had been coated in some disgusting oozes before, but this one was  _ hot _ and sticky, and smelled bad, and then, before they could even snuggle, he was on his face and snoring.

What a disappointment all around.

The next day, when she saw Maggie, she hadn't intended it to all come spilling out. But Maggie had been casually leaning against the outside wall of the coffee shop, glossy hair all a-sheen in the sunlight, playing with her phone--maybe texting Alex, maybe telling Alex that she missed her, and just wanted to be spooned around her and having a lazy morning in bed--and it all felt like a punch to the gut.

Maggie looked at her, looked only once, and  _ noticed _ .

That was what had been missing too, last night. The sense that she was seen, that she was noticed.

And then, even worse, Maggie had cared.

Maggie knew about sex. She could talk about sex. She told Kara some secrets about Alex that Kara was pretty sure Alex would have gone to the grave without telling--some that made Kara's stomach feel hot and squirmy--and it made her feel like there was this huge world of touch and intimacy and connection out there, and Kara, left with Mon El, who had a way of doing things that Kara didn't understand and couldn't work with, was shut out.

Except she wasn't shut out, because Maggie  _ cared _ .

Maggie could fix it.

Maggie had fixed Alex. Alex also had been sure that she just wasn't cut out for that kind of touch, that it would never work for her. Figureing out she was a lesbian was part of it, but Kara had a sense that Alex's intimacy issues went way deeper than that, and digging her out of them was the work of a genius.

It made sense.

Maggie was the one who could teach Kara how to have good sex.

#

Maggie, aw shucks, hands in the pockets of her oversized jacket, dimpled grin with a slight drawing back to her shoulders like she was scared of showing her smile, was not really the first person you'd identify as a sex guru. And when Kara had shown up for the first lesson, she'd been so awkward that Kara started to worry this wasn't going to work.

But then the couch had happened.

It took Kara about one minute into the soft neck-rub Maggie was giving her to realize one of the things she'd been doing wrong. Sure, Kara liked kissing. She loved it. It was fun and playful and warm and full of touch.

It wasn't sexy to her.

Mon El had thought he was getting her excited with the making out, when she'd just been enjoying herself. Neck rubs though, neck rubs drove her wild.

They could just be touch too, except the whole Pinterest adventure had primed her with things to think about, 'fetishes,' she thought they were called. Objects of worship. (She tried not to think about the pic of the shirtless boy with the leather collar around his neck, his head pressed back into the slacks of the person behind him. She tried not to think about the fact that it had been in a board called 'Alex'. Alex would not want to be thought of like that, not by her. But Kara wasn't going to deny that Alex could be boyishly pretty, or that Kara hadn't been tempted to tie her up when she was being particularly reckless. It seemed Maggie had had the same thought.) So when the heel of Maggie's hand rubbed circles through the thin shirt she wore, and pretty images danced through her mind, and Maggie's scent warmed and flared, the pull, like a pulsing burning heart down deep in her core, was almost unbearable.

_ More _ .

She wanted more. Not a dick. She didn't want to be entered, penetrated. She wanted to be touched. She wanted a hand pressing against her lower belly, breath on her skin, a sharp tone as she struggled. She would get her touch, but only if she was good, if she didn't whine for it, didn't reach out and take. She had to accept it, wait for it. And it would be a gift.

Yes, Maggie,  _ yes _ she was turned on.

#

It had been strange to do the second lesson with Alex's heartbeat loud in the neighboring room. Part of the reason Kara had been so comfortable in Maggie's apartment was that it smelled like Alex. Maggie smelled like Alex. And Alex smelled like home. But it was different to have Alex  _ there _ . When it was just Kara and Maggie hanging out, Kara found she often forgot that Maggie was Alex's girlfriend, or it just didn't matter very much. Maggie (somehow) had become her friend. And that was the important part.

But with Alex there, and Maggie bringing out her, um, extensive, sex toy collection, their relationship was like a huge pink snoofbear in the room. It was all Kara could do to not pick up a dildo and go, "this one? Alex has touched it? And this one? This one too?" Just the thought of Alex picking one of them up made her want to laugh.  _ Alex _ , grumpy, restrained Alex. Alex didn't use  _ sex toys _ .

She could picture Alex and Maggie cuddled up, maybe naked, hands on skin, hot and moving together. But anything involving equipment and preparation? No way.

But they were all here. And Maggie was  _ Maggie _ . Alex's Maggie. What did Alex look like when taking a strap-on? Kara shut down the thought quickly. None of her business.

But that was what she'd thought: Alex taking one. She hadn't thought about Alex wearing one. Not until Maggie, fumbly and a little unsettled, had said something about  _ telling Alex he was pretty with handjobs in the mirror. _

It hadn't parsed, it hadn't made  _ sense _ . Boyishly pretty Alex, fine, but Alex being a boy for Maggie?

The thought had made the slick of lube on her hand, the way Maggie's eyes were fixed on her as Kara stroked up the cock, feel otherworldly. Here, anything could happen, you could be anything, want anything, and outside this apartment you could still be yourself.

As Kara tried to learn, following instructions, staying gentle with her grip and focused with her turns, the otherworldliness seemed to wrap itself around them. She wasn't touching Maggie, wasn't doing anything that should arouse her, and yet Maggie's heart rate increased, her breath got shallower, and it was impossible not to see how intensely beautiful she was, though so often she tried to hide it.

She'd had Alex.

She'd had Alex in ways Kara couldn't imagine. She'd had an Alex that Kara couldn't imagine.

What sort of Maggies were within her too?

Kara wanted to know.

Kissing, Maggie said, do it while kissing. But how to move, how to angle her body to keep her hand free and her balance right?

She'd leaned in, just to try, just to be certain she could.

_ Kiss her. _

For a moment they were close enough to share breath.

_ Alex _ .

Her heartbeat, steady and reliable, rumbled along in the other room.

She couldn't hurt Alex.

She didn't kiss Maggie.

#

That moment, the one where anything seemed possible, where what Maggie was teaching her wasn't  _ sex _ but was  _ metamorphosis _ hung in her head as she made her excuses and dealt with her own awkward feelings.

Was she so touch-starved that she'd make a move on Alex's girlfriend?

She held the bag of sex homework on her elbow and let her head fall into her hands. This was wrong, she was wrong. This wasn't trying to get better at sex for Mon El, this was taking advantage of Maggie's generosity to fill her needs underhandedly.

It had to stop.

Mon El was hers, and if the sex with him was as good as it was going to get, that would have to be enough.

He was waiting for her in her apartment, and she nearly threw the bag with the dildo and lube through the wall. She wanted to get it out of her hand.

_ The evidence. _

"Hey, babe. Whatcha been doing?"

"Nothing," Kara said, hearing the unconvincingness in her own voice. "Just, saving children from puppies?"

It didn't make sense, but he didn't seem to notice. Heroing wasn't one of his interests.

But neither was cooking, and he seemed to have snuck into her apartment for directly that purpose. The room smelled nice, and he stood awkwardly in front of the counter, his ears a little red, wearing an apron that said 'Kiss the Cook.' (Kara was pretty sure it belonged to Winn.)

"I felt that we haven't really been connecting well lately," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I wanted to make you dinner so we could reconnect."

The sweetness of the gesture was almost too much. He was romancing her. He _had_ noticed that the sex wasn't going all that well. But he hadn't given up. That was the one thing Maggie kept harping on, clarity, communication, trust. And here it was. " _Thank_ _you_ ," she said, and tried not to cry.

" _ Ieyi _ ." He came around to hug her. "Come on. You don't get  _ Supergirl _ and then just let her go if things are a little rough."

Kara smiled, scrunching her nose at the Daxamian endearment which, in Kryptonian, was like saying 'mommy.'

Dinner was easy. She admired his cooking--which was adequate--made him preen, asked him about his bartending job. He told funny stories and batted his eyelashes at her, and then did all the washing up. She put on a movie, and they cuddled on the couch just like she liked.

His alien-strong arm was around her shoulders. He smelled like dish soap and dinner and musk. He rubbed his slightly scratchy cheek against hers.

These were all things that belonged on her sexy pinboard. He was sexy. If she just remembered that, maybe the things he wanted to do with her could be good.

She kissed him. His mouth was responsive and warm, and he didn't push, just made out gently. Kara started to push, deeper kisses, her mouth wetter, her hand rubbing up his chest. He kissed back more deeply too, and she felt him starting to harden.

"Thank you for dinner," she murmured, and unfastened his jeans.

His breathing caught as she let her hand cup him through his boxers. His eyes went wide. Yesterday, he'd grinned at her for a whole minute before giving up on her taking the hint and directly moving her hand to his cock-tent. This time, he hadn’t even had to hint. That seemed to please him.

The heat wasn't a surprise this time, his moans and 'ooh, so nice’s weren't either. She lifted him enough to pull down his pants and boxers. In midair he grabbed her arm and said, "Whoa."

"Is this okay?" she asked.

"Totally," he said, grinning like a fool. "Just thought you were going to dump me off the couch there for a moment." He chucked her under the chin, encouraging her forward to kiss him again. She did, and it was so nice to have his dick out without him trying to touch her with it. She felt that if he kept looking at her with that pleasure in her eyes, she might even  _ want _ to slide down between his legs and kiss his penis.

Well, maybe not.

But she had a different plan tonight. "One moment." She superspeeded to the bag and got the bottle of KY jelly Maggie had given her. The condoms were in there too, but she didn't feel up for the conversation there, and anyways, it was just a handjob.

She repositioned herself over his knees and tried not to look too hard at his partly erect cock.

"What's that?" he asked, curiously.

"Equipment," Kara said, not really thinking--that was what Maggie called it. His eyebrows rose up.

He waggled his hips. "Need some reins to ride this stallion?"

Startled, Kara laughed. He grinned at her, sweetly, and she squeezed jelly into her hand and leaned in to kiss him again.

If she didn't look at it, it didn't worry her so much. She closed her lubed hand around the base, and felt the jelly turn into oil at the heat. It trickled gently through her fingers, and she liked that. Slowly, keeping her grip loose, she started pumping.

"Oh, that's nice, Kara," he murmured into her mouth, and kept giving her soft kisses as she slowly worked him to full mast. Only when he was firm and swollen in her grip did she, cringing internally, start to circle her thumb over his head. When she hit the tip--any liquid that smeared over her thumb was indistinguishable from the lube when she wasn't looking,  _ thank you Maggie _ \--he gasped into her mouth.

"Fuck, Kara,  _ yes _ ."

Kara couldn't really kiss him properly while focusing on the twisting Maggie had taught her, and he was too moany to kiss her back, so she sat back a little and caught him in both her hands and worked until he grabbed her wrist and with an expression on his face like an angel had descended, came all over his chest and belly.

Kara also tried not to look at that.

"That was  _ amazing _ , Kars." He caught the back of her head and knocked their foreheads together. "I'd thought we weren't really connecting in the bedroom. But  _ wow _ ."

Kara flushed. "Well, thank you for dinner."

"I'm going to cook all the time if that's what I get." He let his lashes lower, stroking her palm. "Give me a few minutes and I can make you some sausage too." He shifted her hand to his soft, lube-sticky cock. Kara pulled it away.

"I'm fine," she said.

He pouted at her.

"I--" she hesitated. "I'm planning something special. But I'm not ready yet. Bear with me for a bit, okay?"

"If this is a taste of what I get for waiting, no problem at all." He grinned cheekily. "Though I wouldn't mind some nudes to keep me entertained in the interim."

Kara laughed, a little confused. "You can find plenty at the art museum."

Mon El yawned. "Time for bed, I think. Grab me a washcloth?"

Kara did and he wiped off his stomach.

He staggered up and over to the bed, clearly about to pass out. "Join me?" he opened his arms.

But Kara shook her head. "In a minute."

He was out cold before she left the apartment.

In her supersuit, she flew up into the night sky, feeling victorious. It had worked. The training had worked! She had to tell Maggie. Ending the lessons? Bah. She was going to have good sex with her good boyfriend, and it was going to work out!

She plunged through the sky towards Maggie's apartment. A few hundred yards away though, she froze. The sounds coming from there were familiar.

She looked.

In Maggie's bedroom, Maggie, her hair in a wild halo around her head, her gasps loud and caught with near cries, was half tangled up under and around Alex. Alex, her narrow hips and bony back visible, had one leg hooked around Maggie's, locking them together. Her hips worked, shifting angles at every stroke, each one seeming to hit home, as Maggie pushed up into her. They moved together, heat and pleasure undeniable.

Kara couldn't look away.

Alex, her shock of sex-mussed hair in her face, drove the strap-on like she'd been born to do it, drove like there was nothing more important, her expression as dark and focused as when she was putting on her body armor to go out into the field. Maggie’s cries seemed to build and build, more desperate, both relief and need in each gasp. She tried to reach for Alex, but Alex's forearm lay across her wrists and kept them pinned, her other hand catching the back of Maggie's thigh, dragging her in tighter.

Then Maggie arched, chest lifting, head falling back, eyes shut, lips parted, "Oh," she said, soft and sweet. Alex rolled her hips once more into Maggie and then released her arms, drawing her in and wrapping her up, sweat slick bodies too close to seem like different forms, their breath united.

Kara felt the cool wind on her flushed cheeks, the arousal deep inside her.

_ Yes, that,  _ she thought. _ I want it to feel like that _ .

#


	4. Chapter 4

"You're gross," Alex muttered, flopped on Maggie's slick body.

"You're the one who turns everything into a swim meet," Maggie grumbled back, finding the pool of sweat in the hollow of Alex's spine.

Still, Alex didn't roll off her. She liked the way Maggie felt under her, floppy and sated, lazy and small and soft. Alex had never thought she'd want to stay close to someone after they were sticky from sex. She'd always tried to get away from her bed partner as quickly as possible.

Of course, usually they'd been big and tried to spoon her, and Alex was not into that.

Unless it was Maggie.

Or Kara, but that wasn't an after sex thing. That was just Kara.

"You know," Maggie started, sounding a little sleepy. "I've been wondering something."

"What?"

"When you were reevaluating after your gaylization--" Alex snorted. "--did you ever think about Kara?"

Alex grumbled and burrowed in further, tucking her chin into Maggie's shoulder. "Is this about the 'she might be bi' thing again? No, I never thought that Kara might also be gay."

Maggie laughed softly. "Not actually what I was asking." She shuffled out from under Alex and propped her chin on her hand. "Did you ever wonder if you would have felt differently about her, if you'd realized you were gay before your relationship with Kara settled? Like, when she first came, she wasn't your sister. She was a stranger. Cute girl, in your room. If you'd known you were into that, would you have been into her?"

Whether it was Maggie rolling away or something else, Alex suddenly felt cold. The sex sweat chilled on her skin. "What? No." Alex scowled and started searching for the blankets. Maybe she should shower. "It's Kara. I'm not into Kara."

"I'm not asking if you're into Kara. I'm asking if when you were reevaluating, you ever wondered whether any of your early feelings about Kara might have been a crush." 

Alex shook her head. "I was into Vicki."

"You've said that." Frustratingly, Maggie didn't sound like she'd been convinced.

"Kara wasn't even cute." Alex jerked the sheets up, then fumbled for a pillow that had ended up on the floor. "I mean, she was _cute_ , like a kitten. But not attractive. She got hot senior year, and she was so freaked out about it that you couldn't be _into that_. And by then, well, I still defended her from assholes, but I was deep into my 'dad's dead and it's your fault' phase. This became my 'dad's dead and it's my fault phase' and then it became my 'dad's dead and I have to protect you' phase. So no. There was no point at which I would have crushed on Kara if I had been more self aware."

"Okay," Maggie said, non-combatively.

Alex tried to lie down and relax. The strap on was making that impossible, half-hard and rubbing against the sheets in a way that wasn't unpleasant but was very distracting. She managed the weird alien interface and just stopped herself from throwing it at the door. It was the nice one. She needed to be nice. She shoved it onto the bedside table instead.

She'd never been into Kara.

Alex shut her eyes and unexpectedly felt light, the phantom of warm arms around her, the wind in her hair, the chill air up high in the night sky.

She sighed. "Maybe one time."

"Mm?" Maggie asked, as if it meant nothing to her and she was already mostly asleep. Alex fumbled for words, but her disinterest made it easier.

"When she took me flying. I-- I'd just realized I'd been a shit to her for so long. And yet she still  _ liked _ me, wanted to be around me. I felt-- so light, up there, like nothing could touch me. Maybe-- maybe if I had known I liked girls that bubbly feeling would have felt like a crush. It wouldn't have mattered though. Flying that night is what got my dad taken away. A great big shove back into the closet either way."

"I'm sorry, baby." Maggie scooted close to her and curled against her like a heat-seeking cat. She touched Alex’s chin, turning her head so she had to look into Maggie’s eyes and not stare blankly at the ceiling. “You deserved it to be easier than that.”

"It was a long time ago," Alex said.

#

Alex was trying to get better at talking about her feelings. This was not, in fact, one of her skill areas. She wasn't trying to get better at talking about sex, but being around Maggie, who would be in the middle of a totally normal conversation about work and then segue into 'that time I almost got knocked up by a Vetkenhoffer' without even a blink, had desensitized her, in some ways, to the idea that people  _ did _ have those conversations.

The fact that Alex thought she needed to have this sort of conversation with Kara made her want to die. But she'd knuckled through worse things than this. It was going to be unpleasant; she would do it anyway.

Alex caught up with Kara at the DEO, swanning around in her supersuit, bothering Alex's agents while there were no emergencies to be had. "Hi, can we talk."

Kara looked over and grimaced. "Serious business, I see."

"What?" Alex scrunched her mouth to the side. "This is my normal face. Why do both you and Maggie always make fun of me for my normal face?"

Kara poked Alex's nose. "It's your Agent Danvers face. It is not normal." Alex jerked back and felt her cheeks get hot.

" _ Supergirl _ ." Probably, after all of the nearly dying and hugs and hand-holding in the medbay, any cover they'd had as  _ not _ having a relationship outside the DEO was blown. But still that was no reason to be undignified.

"Why yes, Agent Danvers. I do have a moment--" Kara waved her hand archly, then grinned. "Particularly if it comes with coffee."

Alex rolled her eyes, refrained from taking her arm (not in the DEO) and led the way towards the break room. "You don't even drink coffee."

"Where there's coffee, there's snacks."

And snacks there were. Kara found Winn's stash of M&Ms and exclaimed happily.

Alex couldn't help smiling fondly at her. Kara being happy was all she ever wanted. "You're in a good mood."

Kara cast a grin over her shoulder. "Mon El cooked me dinner last night."

"Oh." It felt like a fist to the gut. Alex was suddenly grateful for her Agent Danvers face, because it could keep the emotional reactions at bay. But her emotional reactions were  _ stupid _ . What was wrong about Mon El cooking dinner? Kara had a boyfriend. She was happy. This was a good thing. Wasn't Kara happy what she wanted?

Kara sidled up to her and leaned in. "I know you said no details, but Maggie's lessons-- so effective."

"Oh." Alex didn't know how to feel about that either, except sick to her stomach. She'd always known Kara would get a boyfriend eventually, encouraged it even. And sex came along with that. It was only her own revulsion to sex with boys that made the thought disgusting. (But maybe she would have been less disgusted if it had been with a different guy, a dignified guy, a guy who was worthy of Kara. Someone who would make real sacrifices for her, who loved her enough to give up his whole self.) She had to get over her reaction, or at least get enough distance to joke about it. "That's-- that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

"You did?" Kara looked concerned. "What about it?"

"I just-- I wanted to make sure you were comfortable."

Kara leaned back against the counter, curling into herself in a way that made the Supergirl poise slip away. She was just Kara, even in the red, yellow, and blue. "I can't say it's not embarrassing. But Maggie . . . She's so matter-of-fact."

"Oh man, tell me about it." Alex rolled her eyes. When she'd started to date Maggie, she'd had the misconception that she was cool. But Maggie was a big fucking weirdo. And, well, that was a good thing. Alex couldn't have maintained a relationship with someone cool.

Kara grinned, ducking her head. "She told me a lot about it."

That sounded . . . dangerous. "Wait. What did she say?"

"Just about what you like."

Alex froze. Maggie had been talking to Kara about what Alex liked? Panic like a flock of startled starlings beat its wings up through Alex's gut. "She did?"

"It's not like you can hide anything from me." Kara tapped her temple, indicating her vision.

Alex crossed her arms, and tried to breathe. It wouldn't have been anything important. Just basic things, right? Kissing stuff. Except-- they'd had the sex toy chest out. They'd been laughing. Alex tried not to die of humiliation. "I told you when we were thirteen to never x-ray through my clothes."

"Doesn't matter if you aren't wearing any."

"Oh God. Why?" Alex put her head in her hands. Kara was teasing her, but Alex suddenly missed the old days when she hooked up with someone once every three years and then remembered why she hated it. At least then the worst thing Kara could see if she went looking was Alex having a shower.

Kara nudged her arm. "You're really lucky. Maggie's great." She let her head rest on Alex's shoulder. "I feel so bad about how defensive we both were at first."

The quiet regret in Kara's voice made Alex relax. She'd hated having Maggie and Kara fighting over her, but now that it was over, she felt a little pleased that it had happened. No one fought over  _ Alex _ . It was nice to be wanted. 

"To be honest, I think Maggie's default might be defensive. She was pretty harsh with me at first also." She'd started slyly confrontational, and then when Alex had been picking at her scabs while she was trying to heal from her break-up, she'd lashed out, quiet, controlled, but targeting Alex's weaknesses exactly.  _ I didn't know you were into girls _ . Maggie was good at being kind when someone else was falling apart, but when she was falling, she never reached out, never leaned on anyone. She lied instead, wanting to come off strong, knowing she couldn't count on anyone to catch her. Alex wasn't great at catching, or even realizing when someone was falling. Kara was though. She wanted Maggie and Kara to be friends, because at least then she could know that they'd look out for each other when she couldn't. If them goofing off with sex toys in the living room was the price she had to pay for that, she'd pay it.

"But you liked her anyway." Kara teased.

Alex groaned. "I had the worst crush."

"And now?"

Alex made a face. "Now my girlfriend has buddied up with my sister and is telling her all my private affairs."

"You never had any secrets from me."

Alex snorted loudly.

Kara thwapped her. "Only about things you did, not things you liked. I could always tell what you liked." She grinned and patted Alex's ass. "And now I know some  _ other _ things you like."

She winked. Alex gasped in shock, half fake, half real (what was Kara doing, touching her butt? Maggie's fault, obviously, goddammit), and lunged. Kara dodged her grab and fled, running mockingly slowly down the hall. Alex gave in and chased after her.

Agents turned to stare at their almost-boss playing chase with Supergirl. Supergirl, boots awkwardly flapping on the steps, hustled down some stairs. Alex didn't bother. She swung over the banister and dropped down just as Supergirl came out from underneath.

Alex faked a tackle as Kara caught her, then swung her around, and collapsed dramatically with Alex on top, pretending to be taken down.

Alex propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at Kara. Kara's grin reminded her of nothing so much as that night after the aborted trip to Geneva. Her Kara, a scrubbed face and wet hair and bright eyes, she'd flown, she'd saved Alex's life, and to her that was worth potentially ruining her own. Kara deserved everything, even if it made Alex uncomfortable.

"I just-- I wanted you to know, that I'm glad Maggie's helping you. But if you need me, I'm here too. Even for . . . stuff like this."

Kara's eyes went wide. "Really?"

"Yes," Alex said. "I mean, you might need to take me out for a drink first. But I am all ears."

Kara stared at her for some time, and Alex became highly aware of her warm hands on the small of her back, the way Kara's phone was digging into her hip, and the eyes of the DEO agents she couldn't see wondering why their deputy commander was roughhousing with Supergirl on the floor.

"You're my favorite," Kara said softly.

"Sister?" Alex suggested.

Kara shook her head. "Entity." Her hand stroked up Alex's back and cupped the back of her head. "I was going to say human, but I think you're outranking most of space too." She leaned up and kissed Alex's cheek, gentle and sweet. "Love you."

The bubbly sense of lightness that rose up in Alex's chest almost could have been a crush. But she knew it wasn't. "I love you too."


	5. Chapter 5

A few nights later, they ended up at the alien bar--Winn and James and Alex and Maggie and Kara. Alex had never been entirely sure how Kara's friends had become her friends, but she supposed if you put up with someone for long enough, you got annoyed when someone tried to take them away.

Kara, her drinks the sort a human didn't want to pick up for fear of dying, weaseled her way in between Alex and Maggie and kept turning between them, happy and laughing, joking with Maggie, and then leaning into Alex for a quick press of the forehead or a snuggle.

Alex liked it. Having Kara there was always a good thing, but having Kara and Maggie, heads together, having a deep discussion about the chemistry of alien drinks, with Winn looking wide-eyed and scared as they started mentioning how the Babadeen liked to recreationally enjoy khmis, which made their heads explode--but it was fine, because they always grew back--was more than she'd ever imagined.

Kara and Maggie fighting over her had made Alex feel like she was being torn in two. The slow balance they had been coming to, Kara being hurt but accepting that Alex didn't have as much time to be with her as they were used to, Maggie being put-upon but waving her off, 'of course you have to go if Kara needs you' had felt like it was slowly eating away at her. But it had also felt like it was as good as it was going to get.

Somehow, during this sex-ed adventure, Maggie and Kara had become friends, close friends. The sort where one could make a deadpan comment, the other responding in kind, and only when Winn's eyes bugged out would they both laugh and tell him they were joking.

Maggie slipped her arm behind Kara's back and let her fingers tangle into Alex's. Kara leaned into Alex, space-heater warm. Alex sank into the caramel bourbon and let it fog up her head, happy.

#

Maggie liked this. Drunk Alex was adorable, when she wasn't upset, soft and hazy, like after lazy afternoon sex. A little snuggly, and not caring who she snuggled--at least if it was Kara or Maggie. James and Winn were not on the snuggle list. Drunk Kara was giggly and charming and a little filthy. That part was super unexpected. But she kept leaning into Maggie and whispering dirty comments into her ear. "I could see everyone in this room naked if I wanted." "James has the biggest dick, and the smallest girlfriend." "That alien isn't actually wearing any pants."

She was equally excited about drinks, and wanted to try every drink Maggie had heard about. Maggie was game to try all the ones Kara knew if she was pretty sure it wouldn't kill a human. Winn kept trying to slow them both down, which was also adorable.

"I'm glad you're dating Alex," Kara told Maggie firmly. "If you weren't, I wouldn't even know I could get drunk."

"This is a tragedy," Maggie informed her. Because it was. Drunk Kara was  _ amazing _ .

"It  _ is _ ." Kara leaned into Maggie's shoulder. "But why bring a human on a date to an alien bar? What do you do?"

"Well, I lost a lot of pool. Your sister's a shark."

"Oh yes!" Kara grinned and nudged her just a little too hard. "She said you were bad."

"I'm not bad! I just couldn't go undercover as a pro!"

"She said you were  _ bad _ ." Kara's voice went sing-songy at the end, teasing.

"Shut up. She was bad at worse things."

Kara giggled. "You  _ said _ ."

Maggie flushed. She'd said too much, definitely. But it didn't feel bad, squished between Alex and Kara. It felt like saying something dirty to a sure thing, to her girlfriend. Kara was neither a sure thing nor her girlfriend, but she was  _ Alex's _ . Somehow that made sense, that it was okay to tell her secrets, because she was Alex's and therefore, by transitivity, or sidewayzivity or some sort of property or other, she was Maggie's too.

Kara gave Maggie another nudge. "Bet I could beat you."

"Have you ever even played pool?"

"Once or twice."

"Oh you're on."

They tumbled out of the booth, Kara pulling a confused Alex after her. "Come on, Maggie's challenged me to pool, and you have to coach us both."

"Wait. What?"

Maggie and Kara took down cues, racked the balls, and argued over stripes versus solids.

They cleared a few easy shots on their own, and then only difficult ones were left. Alex had been abandoned, standing near the wall, sipping her bourbon, watching with half-scrunched eyes. Maggie liked how even when drunk, Alex still seemed to be on guard, keeping an eye on them both, looking after them.

She was frowny and very kissable. Maggie caught Alex's hands and tugged her over to the pool table. "Come on, how do I do this one?" Maggie pulled Alex in behind her and pointed at a shot that she  _ might _ be able to do on her own, but probably not. "Show me."

Alex, amiable, leaned into her, smelling her hair, and moved her around to line up her shot. Maggie noticed Kara watching, her eyes unusually intent. Maggie liked having Kara watch like that.

"Just gotta--" Alex mumbled, and moved. Together, they sank the shot and Maggie turned in her arms, hoisting herself up onto the edge of the table to draw her in for a kiss. She made sure it was an angle Kara could see, then cast her head back so her hair would cascade over her shoulder. She tapped Alex's bottom lip lightly. "Thanks, Danvers."

"You're on your own for the next one," Alex told her. But she was blushing. Maggie stuck out her tongue.

Maggie actually managed to sink the next one on her own (she'd been getting better after Alex had lambasted her pride), but she had no luck on the one after that and it was Kara's turn.

Kara caught Alex's arm and pulled her over, pointing to the ball she wanted to sink. "This one. You help  _ me _ now."

Alex protested. "You're too tall. I can't guide you like that."

Kara looked so terribly sad at that Alex sighed. "Fine. I can try."

"Oh! Even better idea!" Kara slid up behind Alex, slipping the cue into her hands, and wrapped around her like she was the one coaching.

"What? No--"

Maggie swallowed, her mouth dry. They looked so pretty together like that, Kara all lanky and powerful, wrapped around a surprised and small Alex.

Alex protested, but it was Kara. The protests had no effect, and Alex was turned and forced to line up the shot, without any apparent effort from the alien.

"Just explain to me what you're doing." Kara instructed.

Alex's hand shook as she tried to take the shot and missed the ball entirely. Maggie snorted in laughter. Alex shot her one red-faced glare and then scolded her student. "Kara," she said. "Relax more, follow what I'm doing."

"Like this?" And Kara seemed to melt against her, as soft and as clingy as caramel. Maggie's stomach turned a backflip. Alex took a breath, centering herself on the ball.

"Yeah, okay, we'll move it smooth and steady on three."

A plonk, and the ball rolled in. "Yay!" Kara exclaimed, and wrapped her arms around Alex, trapping her, and half squashed her. "Next one, please."

Her face glowingly red, Alex batted her away. "One help each. You two are on your own for the rest. I'm getting another drink."

"Another round!" Maggie demanded.

"Get me a Kirshelspritzer this time!" Kara demanded.

Alex flipped them both off and disappeared off to the bar.

~

"Hope you get a reward for being so good to your girls tonight," a scruffy looking alien in an oversized coat said as Alex put the next round on her tab. She blinked at him, and as if to clarify, he made an explicit gesture.

Ugh. She ignored him and waited for the drinks to be made.

"Which one's the needy one? Bet it's the blonde. The dark one looks like she knows how to make you want to keep her."

Why were those drinks not  _ done _ yet? It was Kara's of course, way too complicated.

"If you're not using them, I'd be happy to take them off your hands for the night."

Okay. That was enough. As the drinks were set down in front of her Alex turned to the alien and glared. "If you so much as look at  _ either _ of my girls again, I am going to remove your genitals and all related organs with a spoon."

The alien startled, and then hustled off.

~

Kara's head had lifted up as she listened to something going on at the bar and Maggie followed her gaze. Alex was scowling, actively ignoring the alien at her elbow who was talking to her. Finally, she turned grabbed the jerk by the collar and said  _ something _ to him. Kara's eyes went wide.

Alex, awkwardly balancing three drinks, stalked over and handed them out. Kara nudged her shoulder, looking pleased. "We're your girls, are we? I always like to see you defending my honor."

_Your girls._ Maggie leaned on the edge of the pool table and stared. Had Alex actually said that to the alien?

Alex turned her glare on Kara. "Someday you really are going to owe me a reward."

Maggie bit her lower lip. Did she  _ know _ how dirty that sounded? If she didn't, Maggie had to let her know. "Aww, Danvers. Always so self sacrificing. If you really wanted that reward, I know Kara. All you'd have to do is ask."

Kara giggled, a little flustered. "It's true. I have  _ skills _ now."

"Oh my  _ god _ ." Alex knocked back her bourbon. "I know I told you I was willing to talk about this, but I am not drunk enough yet."

"You  _ are _ ?" Maggie crowed. This was  _ amazing _ .

"With  _ Kara _ . Not you. You--" Alex paused, seeming to search for words. "You're trouble."

Maggie nodded. "It's true."

"It makes her special," Kara said, looping an arm around Maggie's neck and kissing her cheek.

Even drunk, Kara was softly controlled, the kiss warm and making Maggie's stomach loop-de-loop.

Then Kara yelped, "The song!" and charged over to the jukebox.

Maggie, when she looked away from where Kara was thumping the evil machine that had stolen her quarters, spotted Alex watching her with a narrow and highly dangerous look of victory on her face.

"What?"

Alex leaned over and poked Maggie in the chest. "You," Alex said, accusingly. "She's got you."

Maggie hesitated, uncertain. "What are you talking about, Danvers?"

"She does this, with everyone," Alex shook her head. "I don't know how, but she even got Cat Grant eating out of the palm of her hand. She makes people fall in love with her, and now she's got you too."

Maggie went still. Alex couldn't-- No. She meant platonicly, or something. She didn't know how hard it was for Maggie to deal with the fact that Kara was warm and tactile and deserved so much better than her alien douchebag. That was still a cross she needed to carry on her own. She glared at Alex. "Shut up, Danvers," she said. "I'm not in love with your sister."

Alex dismissed this with a hand gesture. "It's not your fault. It's just Kara."

"Whatever. She got you too." Maggie poked her back. "You seriously look like you're going to swallow a poker every time someone asks you a sex question, and yet you track her down to tell her that you're willing to get over that to field her anxieties about boy-dong."

Alex looked put out, but didn't seem to have a retort. She poked Maggie in return.

This escalated until Kara returned from the jukebox victorious. "The song!" she repeated, and as the music filtered into her ears, Maggie forgot about the poke-war and spun to face her. "Yes! This song!" she exclaimed back. They had been talking about it earlier. It was a great song!

Alex appeared entirely bewildered by the Numa-Numa song in its original alien insect language. Kara and Maggie linked forearms, trapping her between them and started bouncing. Alex tried and failed to extricate herself.

"Come on," Maggie nudged Alex with her hip.

"Yes, Alex! Dance!" Kara half squished her in a sidearm. "Alex is a great dancer. Why won't you dance? Oh! You need more bourbon!"

She was gone and back in a flash, and pushed another tumbler of bourbon into Alex's hand. Alex looked at the drink, then at Maggie who shrugged. She glared at Kara instead. "You're going to give me alcohol poisoning!"

"You drank so much more than that in school!"

Maggie hip checked her. "I want to see you dance, Alex!"

Alex sighed dramatically, drank down the tumbler, and then shook her head hard at the burn. She glared at them both. "You're trouble."

"We know," Maggie said, and dragged her forward until they met front-to-front. Kara's hand hooked around her hip, slotting right around her hip bone, and slid up against her back. The song was great for dancing, and Alex eventually gave in, putting her hands up and moving with them. It felt, to Maggie, like a very tiny miracle.

And then, with Alex letting go, moving easily, and unexpectedly with more grace than either of 'her girls;' it felt like a very tiny tragedy.

This was good. The three of them were  _ good _ .

And the three of them were impossible.

#


	6. Chapter 6

Alex was in the kitchen when there was a knock on the door. Maggie opened it to find Kara in a stripey long-sleeved t-shirt and dungarees, her glasses pushed up onto her head and forgotten, which always made her eyes look uncannily blue. She looked tired and a little sad, and Maggie’s gut clenched. What had happened?

Alex looked up from where she was filling her glass at the sink and with what felt like super-speed was at the door. "Are you okay?"

She handed Kara the glass of water she'd poured for herself, and frowned at her until she drank it. Maggie took a half step back, wanting to let them interact without her interference. A soft ache opened up in her chest. She loved how Alex was so protective of Kara.

Kara drank the water, then sighed and looked down into the glass. "I’m fine.”

“You don’t look it,” Maggie said.

Kara lifted her head, her hair falling over her face, eyes seeking out Maggie. “I think I've said something wrong."

Maggie frowned. "To Mon-El?" She reached out and caught Kara’s arm, tugging her toward the couch, and settled her on it, throwing her a pillow to hug while she spoke. Half of her was hurting for Kara, but half of her was hoping that she and the douche were calling it quits. She didn't want to sit too close; it would be too easy to comfort Kara, physically, and even with this stupid sex-ed plan there were still boundaries, and she had to at least  _ try _ not to cross them.

Alex trailed after them, looking both concerned and hesitant.

Kara nodded and twisted a strand of her hair in her fingers. "I told him that I was planning something special. Which I am." She set her jaw and nodded firmly. "Once I have this all worked out, we're going to--" Her lips scrunched to the side, considering. "We're going to do it again, but it will be good this time.”

“'Course,” Maggie said. Alex made a small despairing sound, and Maggie glared at her. This was not the time.

“That's all I meant. But he keeps  _ saying _ things. We haven’t done anything since last Tuesday, and he’s all like, ‘can’t you give me a taste of your big plan, because that was just a hand-job.’ And trying to sound all sexy when we’re kissing saying stuff like, 'your lips are so beautiful I want to come all over them,' and I just--” Kara’s shoulders dropped and the exhaustion that had overtaken her when she came in seemed to overwhelm her again. “I know that the first thing he's going to expect is for me to put my mouth on it."

Maggie rubbed the back of her neck. She’d kick this guy’s ass if Kara wanted her to. But one of the things being in love with straight girls had taught her was that even if the dude was acting like garbage, your lesbian friend butting in and telling you that you could do better wasn’t welcome. Supportive didn’t mean fixing other people’s problems for them. And even if the girl did leave the douchebag, she didn't leave him for Maggie. Playing the hero always just made it hurt worse when the girl met a new guy.

Still, this was an opportunity to say something she'd wanted to say all along.

"Kara, there are two parts to good sex," she said slowly. "One is pleasing your partner and the other is learning how to be pleased, yourself. But something that impinges on both of those parts is boundaries. If oral is a hard limit for you, he should be able to accept that, just like you'd accept it if he didn't want ass play. You should be able to communicate well enough so that he isn't asking you for things that actually cause you distress."

Alex, who had been standing stiff and pinched as if she’d taken a bite of something bad but had to swallow it to be polite, relaxed. She leaned on the back of the couch, still concerned, but seeming to understand how Maggie was playing this. “She’s right, Kar. You shouldn’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

Kara nodded. "I understand that, but--” She cupped the back of her own head. “I don't know if it  _ is _ a boundary. I don’t want to do it, but that doesn’t mean I can’t. It might just make me uncomfortable because I’ve never tried it. I can’t imagine it actually appeals to anyone, but other people still do it. I mean,  _ you _ used to do it--" She waved at Alex. "--and you don't even like guys."

" _ Kara _ ," Alex protested, flapping her hands at being brought up as an example.

Maggie laughed.

Kara rolled her eyes at Alex. "You let Maggie handcuff you and play with your strap-on in front of a mirror. The fact that you blew your boyfriends isn't going to put her off."

Alex gaped. "How do you know--” Maggie did her best to look as innocent as possible. Alex shook her head and glared at Kara. “She doesn't need to know that you watched me do it."

Watched her? Maggie’s mouth fell open. This was more voyeurism fun than she had expected of them.

Alex looked dramatically pained at Maggie’s expression. "I didn't  _ ask _ her to watch."

"I didn't  _ want _ to watch. You should have warned me!"

Maggie shook her head and tried to ignore the derail. "Some day, I'm going to ask for all the dirt you two picked up on each other as kids. But not today." She turned to Kara. "What I'm hearing is that you want to try to get over your hangup and be able to give your boyfriend a blow job?"

Kara nodded firmly. "I think I need to. I know it's good to be able to talk about what we want or don't want, but I know he'll say, just try it, how can you know you won't like it until you try. He'll keep pushing until I give in, and even if it turns out that I can handle it, if I don't know how, I'll just disappoint him."

Maggie was not a fan of Kara's probably all too accurate description of how Mon El would eventually cajole her into getting on her knees and opening her mouth for his dick. She looked at Alex, who sagged slightly.

"Guys are like that," Alex said. "One of the reasons I gave in to it too."

"Guys don't have to be like that," Maggie snapped. "And if they are, you shouldn't put up with it."

Kara smiled. "I know. Thank you for being so caring. But-- honestly, I really think this is my problem. It shouldn't seem so gross. I want to get over it, and learn how to please him properly. Can you help me?"

Maggie sighed and gave in. Sex advice, not relationship advice, right? "Sure I can."

"I just wish you could make it so it didn't taste bad." Kara scrunched her mouth to the side in a way that made her look just like worried-Alex. "Maybe it doesn't taste as bad as it smells?"

Huh. "Actually," Maggie said. "That might be the easy part to fix.”

Kara's eyes went wide. "What?"

Maggie slid off the couch and patted her on the shoulder. "I mean, the first step is to make sure he’s just gotten out of the shower. But second-- you have come to the right place."

Finding all her bottles of lube and sorting out the flavored condoms was difficult. She remembered she had some specialty organic stuff in the fridge, and went and grabbed it, then stepped back into the living room. She paused on the threshold, watching Alex and Kara, who didn't notice her, lost in a quiet intimate space of their own.

Alex was still behind Kara, but she was rubbing her back gently, and Kara had her head tilted, peeking up at her, pleased by the attention.

“Well, how did  _ you _ do it?” Kara was asking.

“Disassociation,” Alex said, wryly.

“Not with  _ guys _ , with  _ Maggie _ . I mean, going down on a girl for the first time--”

“It was natural,” Alex said, her tone flat. “I was made to love women, it was perfect.” Maggie bit back a guffaw.

Kara gave her a very skeptical look. “I don’t believe you.”

Alex wrinkled her nose. “Fine. It was weird. It kept being weird too. But-- I don’t know. I guess it’s like science. Dissecting a suckling pig is gross, but the way a body is put together, the way it's a functioning system? It's amazing. If you actually think about what you’re doing, you can psych yourself out. But once that part's a given, you kind of get distracted by the amazing bits. Like, the sound she makes when you bite at the inside of your thigh, or--" Alex was bright red now. "--how crazy awesome it is to be able to make her come."

"I get it," Kara said, her voice soft and happy. "That makes sense."

Alex gave Kara's shoulder a squeeze and Kara smiled up at her, and it was probably the most beautiful thing Maggie had ever seen.

It was actually kind of sweet to know that Alex still thought of a lot of parts of sex as gross, and still, sometimes, Alex begged to go down on her. It felt strange and a little wrong to have someone like making her happy  _ that _ much.

It also felt like a fact about Alex, something sweet and deep inside her. She liked making the people she cared about happy. The people she cared about could be numbered on one hand with fingers to spare, but those people, she wanted to please them,  _ so much _ . Maggie had seen it with her mom, how wrecked she was when she felt like she wasn't pleasing her, had seen her fight the urge with Kara, always wanting to go the extra mile for her, even when Kara didn't want her to because the sacrifice would be Alex's happiness, she'd seen her push beyond any reasonable limit for J'onn, and seen how she'd crawled out of her shell of repression and self-doubt for Maggie.

It was an honor to be one of the people Alex loved.

Maggie really didn't feel like she deserved that kind of honor. Alex should be  _ enough _ , and yet here she was, still wondering if maybe there was some way she could have them both. Selfish, stupid, and self-sabotaging, her trifecta of character traits.

Shaking it off, Maggie strolled up to interrupt them with her armful of lube and condoms. "You guys are such nerds," she said.

Alex's eyes fell on the paraphernalia and she grimaced. "Okay," she said, giving Kara's shoulder one last squeeze and clearly trying to get back to her cool and aloof persona. "If you guys are having a sex-lesson, I'm going to get back to the pile of journals I need to catch up on before I write this article. Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Alex made a face. "Actually, no, do all the things I wouldn't do."

Kara laughed and gave her a light smack on the ass as she left. Alex fled toward the bedroom and Maggie plopped down cross-legged on the sofa across from Kara. It was really nice to see Alex following through on her promise to try to be able to talk to Kara about this. She wanted them to have a healthy relationship, with or without her involved.

"What do you have for me?" Kara asked, peering curiously at Maggie's armful of stuff.

"I have a taste test," Maggie said, heaping the bottles and packets onto the sofa.

Kara settled back, looking a little suspicious. "I do have really good senses."

Maggie nodded. "But I've also seen you eat a rocket pop. Those things taste like the inside of a test tube to me, and I discovered the delights of Spam with peanut butter while in college, because it was better protein than ramen."

Kara made horrified faces.

"So I figured there might be  _ something _ you like. And if not, we can experiment with glycerine and jam." Maggie forced a smile. If the girl wanted to give her man a blowjob, she was going to make it happen.

"Right." Kara nodded decisively and sat at attention, waiting for her first instruction.

"Condoms first."

Maggie tossed her the selection of foil packets, and Kara tore them open one by one, frowning, giving each one a sniff, then extracting the filmy synthetic wrapper, and sticking her tongue out to lick hesitantly up the outside.

Kara's revolted faces were beautiful.

Maggie half rolled onto her back on the couch, covering her face, trying not to guffaw. Finally, Kara licked one, cocked her head and frowned before licking at it again. "That one actually tastes like banana."

"Oh?"

Kara made a face. "I hate banana."

Maggie laughed again and threw a slightly licked condom at her face. Kara laser-eyed it and it scorched, leaving an unpleasant burst of smoke. They were both doubled over coughing when Alex stepped out of the bedroom holding a fire extinguisher. "What happened here?"

"Bad idea," Kara wheezed, then shot over to open the window. Maggie flapped a blanket at the smoke so it went out. "Laser vision and condoms don't mix."

Alex gave them both a very skeptical look and backed back into the bedroom.

Kara fumbled with the packets. "Oh," she said. "Turns out it was supposed to be pineapple anyway."

Maggie burst out laughing and Kara did too, falling into the sofa next to her, their arms bumping together.

"What's next?"

"Mmm, straight up lube."

"That might be better. The . . . cling film flavor is always there."

Maggie grabbed the first bottle, and then frowned. "How are we going to do this?"

Kara took off her glasses and ran her fingers through her hair. "Um, it would probably best to taste it on skin. Just to see how the flavors combine."

"Okay," Maggie said, and dragged a smear of the first flavor along her index finger.

Kara cupped her hand, brought it easily up to her mouth, leaned in and licked up Maggie's finger.

_ Fuck _ .

Her tongue was warm and rough and alive, and she stayed close, darting it into the hollows of her knuckles, licking up the remnants. She drew back, biting her lip, a little red. She shook her head. "Gross," she said, but her eyes were still on Maggie's hand.

Maggie's stomach turned over. Mon El, she reminded herself. They were doing this so Kara could slurp this stuff off Mon El's dick.

But Mon El's dick wasn't here.

"O-okay." Maggie started to drip flavor number two onto her middle finger, thought better of it and let it fall onto her ring finger. She held it out and Kara took it. She gave Maggie a hesitant, ducking sort of look, before drawing it to her mouth, taking it in between her lips, sucking it, her throat moving as she swallowed.

Maggie's face burned. This was too much.

Kara shook her head again, and made a face. But when Maggie tried to draw her hand back, Kara didn't let her. She leaned in again and sucked on her now lube-free finger.

"Kar?" Maggie asked softly.

Kara released her and moved back. "You taste better plain."

Maggie froze, then let out an awkward chortle. "Bet your sister thinks so too."

Kara went bright red. "I didn't mean it like that!"

Relief burst through the walls of Maggie's tight chest. Joking. Sure, it had gotten sexy, but that wasn't important. They were just joking around. "Says the girl giving my finger good loving."

Kara smacked her shoulder. "You-- you're the worst."

"I'm delicious."

"Compared to artificial grape."

Maggie pressed a dramatic hand to her chest. "You wound me."

"You wound yourself." Kara swatted her arm. "Come on. We're not getting anywhere. All of this is disgusting so far."

Maggie offered Kara the next bottle if she wanted to drip it on herself, but Kara waved her off and Maggie squeezed some out onto her thumb.

This time, as Kara leaned forward, she didn't take Maggie's hand. Instead she shuffled her shoulders and bit her lip, looking up through her lashes at Maggie, like the perfect parody of all the sweet girls in porn.

Oh great. Kara was playing into the awkward sexiness.

Maggie waggled her thumb, pretending impatience. "Get to it girl."

"But it's  _ big _ ."

Maggie snorted. Kara extended her tongue and lapped delicately up the pad of Maggie's thumb. She pulled back, looking startled, and frowned.

"Mm?" Maggie inquired.

"More," Kara said.

Maggie reapplied and Kara leaned in, taking her thumb in her mouth and sucking on it, contemplatively. It wasn't even all that distracting. Maggie was too curious about what her verdict would be. When it was gone, she sat back.

"I like that one," she said.

"Awesome." Maggie held up the bottle containing the approved flavor. "Umm, 100% vegan, paraben and glycerin free. Mint chocolate chip flavor." She shrugged. "Take it with you. If it works, keep it. Store in the fridge."

"Thank you," Kara took the bottle and contemplated the label seriously. Then she tucked it in her bag and popped up to look at Maggie again. "Can I try the rest of them too?"

Weirdly, Maggie almost felt comfortable now, with Kara sucking on her fingers, curled up on the sofa. It had left a pleasant warmth in her chest, but it was no big deal. She was helping. Kara had something that might help now.

Kara gave a pleased hum at the cinnamon. "That one tastes nice with you. You already have a sweet and warm flavor, little salty."

"No one's ever told me lube complements my flavor before," Maggie retorted. "Is there a nice wine, or maybe a pickle that would work well with me too?"

Kara sat back for a moment, frowning. "Tawny port," she said eventually, "and sweet and spicy pickled limes."

Maggie thwacked her. "Now you sound like Hannibal Lecter."

Kara laughed, and caught her hand, dripping more lube on it, and slurping it up.

"I've never been into whipped cream and maple syrup in bed, but you could change my mind, Supergirl," Maggie teased.

Kara's eyes went wide. "People  _ do _ that?"

Maggie laughed. "Yeah. Bring a bottle of water though, so your mouth doesn't get too puckered up to get wet. I mean, you've done a bodyshot, right?"

Kara shook her head, alert and curious.

"Kara, babe." Maggie squeezed her forearm. "Next time we're at the bar, you have  _ got _ to do a bodyshot."

#


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! The last few days were a crunch time and I'm beat. Here is an extra long chapter. Hope you enjoy!

What Maggie hadn’t realized was that the warm comfy way she was feeling, with Kara sucking on her fingers, laughing and teasing and promising her bodyshots, was pretty much exactly what she did for foreplay when she was in a relationship. That was what she liked about being in a relationship, not having the pretense, just being able to goof off and have a good time, cuddle and be physical and not be sexual right off the bat. Though she probably wouldn’t believe it if told, Alex was great at this. When she wasn’t on high alert about Sex and Romance, she was casual with touch and almost bro-y. Skinship. It didn’t always mean sex was on the table. Maggie liked it with her friends, but . . . Maggie also tended to fuck her friends.

(Sometimes, Maggie wondered about Danvers Sister Movie Nights and whether they were about skinship too, whether they were the sort of thing that would end up being lazy sex or mutual masturbation if Maggie was one of the participants. Or were they nothing like that at all?)

Kara, Kara was even more tactile and attentive and playful than Alex.

And Maggie was supposed to teach her how to give a blow job.

"Okay, to be perfectly honest, I am not actually a blow job genius," Maggie said.

Kara, now watching her tensely, nodded.

"Like, when I do it for Alex, it's mostly goofing off. I mean--" Maggie considered this. "Last time was pretty straight up. So I know  _ how _ . I can teach you the basics, at least. Then it's mostly just practice."

"I don't--" Kara rubbed her forehead, her shoulders sinking. "I don't want to practice on him. Maybe I'm just--" She wrinkled her nose. "I'm competitive. I want to be good. I don't want him to feel like he taught me anything. I don't want him to lord it over me."

Maggie nodded fiercely. "Right. We're going to make you great at this."

If he even _tried_ to lord it over her or take credit for _Maggie's_ education, Maggie was going to cut off his balls.

"With a dude--with anyone, as not just dudes have penises--" Maggie said, "the most important thing is to look like you want it. As, of course, it is a penis in your mouth, this is most always going to be acting. It doesn't even have to be very good acting, and, in fact, overacting is fine. But, having been the recipient on occasion, the last thing you want is someone giving your cock the sideeye."

"You've been the recipient?" Kara asked, sounding curious.

"Sure." Maggie shrugged, smiling. "More with my last girlfriend, who was way too into cock. But sometimes Alex is willing to give a little service. Making sure it's properly wet before she lets me in." Kara was wide-eyed, and Maggie had a terrible idea.

"Here," she said, handing Kara the rainbow glow-in-the-dark dildo. "Hold this in place." Maggie slid off the couch and dragged down a cushion so she could save her knees. She tucked it between Kara's ankles, and Kara gaped at her as she knelt between her legs.

After hesitating for another long moment, Kara moved the dildo to somewhere vaguely between her legs. The head hovered at about chin level when Maggie sat on her heels. Kara’s eyes kept flicking from the head of the cock to Maggie’s face, her expression a little shaken. But this was important, having some idea of what it was like to be the recipient helped with the approach, with getting the tone right.

"What do you think of this?" Maggie asked. "Of having me here. Having someone here, ready to serve you."

Kara smiled awkwardly. "You're not going to actually--"

" _ Imagine _ ," Maggie said emphatically. She made eye-contact with Kara, steady and sultry. "I’m here for you." She rubbed Kara's thigh. "I want you."

Kara's cheeks were pink. The dildo swayed in uncertain circles. "I-- um."

"I want to take your cock in my mouth. I want to suck you off," Maggie said, making her voice a little growly, leaning forward until the head of the dildo bumped against her chin. Kara jerked it back quickly. How polite. “And I’m going to. How do you feel about that?”

Kara was blushing to the tips of her ears. "I guess, um. I guess I like that?"

Maggie grinned. "Sure. And I bet you like it better than me going, ugh, I _guess_ I'll suck it. But gross." She cupped Kara's hand and waggled the cock. "That might hurt a little, hearing that a part of you is gross. It’s the same for, ugh, I guess I'll lick your pussy, but it's smelly and gooshy and you better appreciate me. If it's that much of an inconvenience, just don't bother, thanks."

Kara made a face. "Yeah. Makes sense." She twisted her mouth to the side. "I guess I was kind of mean to not even try before."

" _No_ ," Maggie snapped. That was _not_ the point she was trying to make. "A boundary is a boundary. Saying 'no cock in my mouth' is _fine_. What you don't want is to say, yes, I'll suck you off, but it will make me miserable to do it."

Kara hesitated, and then nodded. "Okay. I see the difference."

Maggie realized that her grip on Kara's hand was way too firm, and she was almost shoving the dildo back into Kara's crotch--or would have been, if Kara hadn't actually had muscles of steel. She released it, and sat back. "Good. Well, um, basics."

Demoing the basics between Kara's legs was a little more than she might have signed on for. But Kara wanted to know, and she was already here. So, fine.

"You want to use all the stuff we covered for a hand job here. Don’t think of this as a different animal. This is just a handjob plus. Think of it as adding in a power tool--extra functions, but also extra danger. Penises are sensitive, so you don't want to mess up with your teeth, but the whole suck your lips over your teeth method makes you look like an alien--and not the cute kind, like you. You want to keep your teeth out of the way--unless your partner is actually into that--but not like, a foot away and then approach like the hose on a vacuum cleaner.”

Kara’s eyes were wide, but it didn’t seem like she’d lost her yet. Maggie propped her elbows on Kara's spread thighs to talk.

“If your boy is not quite on top of his shit, he might thrust his hips and that's why having your hands here is a good move.” She hooked her thumb under the cock and planted the rest of her hand around Kara’s, where it would be against her pelvis if she was harnessed up. Should she be harnessed up? No. Maggie was not actually blowing her. This was instructional. “First having your hand at the base gives them extra stim, and second it means if they are thrusting and you're not having it, give them the squeeze of warning. Also the balls, if they’re an option. Dudes sometimes like having them played with, but you give those things a taste of your grip of steel, and your boy will be as obedient as fuck and stop trying to jam his cock down your throat."

Kara was looking a little overwhelmed. She stuck one hand in her hair, the other letting the cock droop to half-mast.

Maggie took a breath. She was going too fast. "Okay. Basics. Hand here," she demonstrated, wrapping her hand around the base of the cock Kara held. "Other hand--try under. Chuck those balls." She mimed this action with a wiggle of her fingers. "Lick your lips. Look lustful." Maggie did as she had described, fixing the purple patch at the head of the dildo with her most intent stare. The cock twitched as Kara’s hand jerked slightly. "Once you go for it, he probably won't be watching anyways, so don't worry about how you look after that. Because whatever you do, it's not going to look awesome." Maggie relaxed her jaw and moved forward, taking the dildo into her mouth. It wasn't huge, but it was enough to look awkward. Holding it there, she gave Kara a meaningful look. "No one is sexy mid lunch," she tried to say around it. It did not come out particularly comprehensible, so she pulled off and tried again.

Kara grinned at that, but her face was bright red.

"And, back to the not letting him fuck your throat thing?" Maggie pointed at Kara, very firmly. "You don't even need to let him touch the back of your throat. The top of your mouth, the underside of your tongue, they will totally feel like the back of your throat, and they are fucking far enough, okay."

Kara nodded earnestly.

“Then it’s just sensation play, really. Focus on the head, here’s good,” she thumbed the underside. “Remember the tip, use lube--not just to disguise the flavor. If your jaw gets tired, shift to just hand play and distract him by kissing him. He might think it’s gross to kiss you after you’ve been sucking his dick, but do it anyway. If he thinks it’s gross, you should never blow him again, because fuck those double standards. Sixty-nining is stupid, and though I’m demoing this kneeling, don’t fucking kneel for him. Make him lie down. Protect your knees.”

Kara grinned a little. “I don’t think that’s a problem I’m going to have.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “Fine. I suppose there are _some_ benefits to superpowers.”

“At least he’s an alien too,” Kara said. “If I were asking you to teach me how to do this with a human, there would be a lot more ‘don’t squeeze that hard or his penis will fly out the window.’”

Maggie sat dumbly for a moment. That was possibly the worst image in the world, and yet thinking of all that superstrength was so hot. “Yeah. If I was teaching you how to let a human go down on you, we might have to get out the restraints. Girls sometimes try to squish your head when you’re down there, and your thighs of steel would make that way too permanent.”

Kara gulped and made a face. “Yeah. No humans for me.”

“Don’t think that,” Maggie said. “We could fix that too. I’ve trained girls out of the head-crushing move before. A little play with some Kryptonite emitters, and some carrot and stick, and you could be totally relaxed and ready to see stars.”

Kara didn’t move, staring at her, something unreadable in her expression.

“I don’t know if I could get you to handle penetration, but to be perfectly fair, you’re not missing much if you’re only missing human penis. There are so many more interesting things. And I honestly think some of them wouldn’t need any adaptation to work for you. I mean, really, who needs that when there are so many other amazing ways to touch people? Everyone is so worried about fucking, when fucking is the _least_ interesting thing you can do.”

“I don’t know,” Kara said, the hint of contradiction in her voice unexpected. “You seemed to be liking it enough the other night.”

Maggie froze. “What other night?” She hadn’t gotten blackout drunk and let Kara fuck her with a strap on, had she?

“Tuesday,” Kara said. “After our last sex lesson.”

“With Alex?” Maggie asked, clarifying.

Kara nodded.

“You watched?”

Kara’s face went pink. “I came over here to tell you that it had worked, the handjob lesson. And you were . . . busy.”

“I was busy getting fucked,” Maggie said, the words feeling full of unusual gravity. Kara had dropped by and then . . . stayed? Maybe she’d seen or heard and left immediately, but there was something about the sheen of stubborn embarrassment on Kara’s face that suggested, perhaps, that she hadn’t.

Maggie wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about that. She’d made fun of Alex for being uptight because she was always ready for her little sister to walk in on her, and this-- had Kara liked watching? Had she left but wanted to stay?

“You know, it’s polite to _ask_ if your porn is live.”

Kara flushed darker and turned her head away, the stubbornness gone, replaced by shame. “I know. I was just-- surprised, and then you were, um, finishing up. And then I left. I just-- I guess you’ve been dropping enough hints that I wanted to see for myself. I won’t-- I won’t do it again.”

Maggie rubbed the back of her neck, her face hot. 'Finishing up.' So she'd seen the good bits then. This was probably her fault. “Hey, I can't say I wouldn't be down with it, but I can't vouch for Alex. So best practice: get permission.”

Kara snorted. “Because me coming in through the window and saying, hi, mind if I get some popcorn and sit over here at the end of the bed wouldn’t kill the mood entirely.”

Maggie snorted at the image. Honestly, she really wanted Kara to try that some time, Alex would die, of course, but it would be hilarious. “I didn’t say it would be _easy_ to get permission. But I forgive you this time.”

"I am-- I am sorry. I really didn't mean to see."

"Hey, if I had your powers, I can guess how hard it would be to not look."

"It isn't usually. I don't want to see that stuff. But--" Kara ducked her head away.

"You were curious. Because I've been telling you how it works. You wanted to see how it works for yourself."

Kara looked at her, a quiet intensity in her expression. "I wanted to see what I could have, if I got it right."

Maggie sat back and blew out a breath. 'Got it _right_.' She didn't know how to manage Kara's expectations about this. She wanted Kara to watch _more_. Watch them when they weren't fucking, when Alex was spending lazy hours between her legs, when she had Alex cuffed and kneeling and breathing hard with barely a touch on her back. But she'd seen them _that_ night, when there had been specific reasons why she’d wanted Alex in her mouth and then holding her down and taking her. “Yeah,” Maggie said, slowly. “I was enjoying getting fucked. It was what I wanted that night.”

Kara tipped her head and gave a ‘well, there you go’ little smile.

"But that doesn't mean it's 'right,' or the goal of any of this." This was important. Kara needed to know that if she couldn’t have sex just like other people traditionally did it, that didn’t mean she couldn’t have real, amazing sex. "I wanted to get fucked that night, not because it's the 'best sex,' but because getting fucked is something I like to do when--" Maggie bit her lip. Was this too much? "--when I feel like I've done something wrong."

“What?” Kara’s mouth came open, surprise verging on shock.

“There’s a sense of punishment attached to it for me. And if it comes with forgiveness, it can be really nice. Getting fucked feels good. Alex may not be naturally talented at a lot of bedroom sporting events, but she’s a quick study, and she might have some serious genius at certain activities. But I still wouldn’t ask her to fuck me unless I wanted all of those feelings, all of that . . . expiation.”

“Why-- why did you want to be punished?”

Maggie took a deep breath. “I think, I think I’m going to put a boundary there. That’s something I’m not comfortable talking about with you yet.” She’d definitely given Kara the impression that she didn’t have boundaries. It was because she wanted Kara to feel comfortable sharing, but she _couldn't_ say this. Not yet.

Kara looked stricken, and Maggie immediately put a hand on hers. “It’s nothing bad! I mean, I guess I think it is bad, because I wanted to be punished for it. But not like, I’ve done something criminal, or anything terrible was done to me that I’m ashamed of. It’s just . . . private.”

“Okay,” Kara said.

Sure, private. Maggie tried not to show anything on her face. As if Kara hadn’t been there for the whole thing. As if the reason she’d needed punishment and forgiveness had to do with anything besides the pretty girl in front of her and how easy it would be to lean in and whisper,  _ Sure, I can teach you, but why don’t you let me show you instead. _

"I guess I never really thought that you could want to feel things like that while having sex," Kara said. She wasn't meeting Maggie's eyes, instead they stayed on the dildo between them and their hands wrapped around it. "It's kind of like how getting hurt can feel good when you deserve it."

"No, no, baby." Maggie couldn't handle that image, not with Kara, Kara who _didn't_ deserve it. Not ever. "I mean-- it is. But it's like-- like candy. Sometimes you want an apple, and sometimes you want apple-flavored candy. If you feel bad and you want to be punished for it, that's the real apple. But if you feel bad and you want to feel better by having good sex that feels like punishment, but is actually good sex--that's apple-flavored candy. It's still candy. You're not supposed to be actually hurting yourself with it. You should feel better afterwards. Not worse."

"Did you feel better?"

Maggie froze. No. She had felt good afterwards, but not better. Because she hadn't done the important part. She hadn't talked to Alex about what she was feeling, why she was feeling that way. There was no expiation. Just self harm. She couldn't tell Kara that. "Yeah," she lied. "But next time I'll probably want fingers, or a vibrator, or Alex's mouth on me, and it won't be anything  _ less _ ." That was true at least.

"Okay."

Kara didn't sound  l ike she believed her.  This had been a dumb digression when the point was to convince Kara that she didn't need to get fucked to have good sex.

“No, it's  _ complicated _ .  You can ’t rank sex acts as good-better-best, because there are always going to be these associated meanings.  So little of sex has to do with how an act physically feels. A good blowjob might objectively feel better than uninspired intercourse, but knowing and feeling that you're giving your partner pleasure might make ordinary PIV amazing. When you use your fingers, when you use toys, you can actually talk to your partner and figure out what sensations they like best, and then pair that with the emotional experience they want. But so many people don't figure that out, because  there are  all of these pre-set cultural associations, which screw up people's ability to figure out what they actually enjoy .  Certain types of sex  are  culturally meaningful, so  they're highly valued, like PIV, like oral. And a lot of it is culturally devalued, like handjobs and grinding. But what’s most important is what it means to you and to your partner or partners. You need to know what you actually like, and what your personal associations are. And how to break out of the cultural presets.” 

Maggie sat back on her heels and frowned at the cock, where it stood uselessly stiff between them.  Kara was staring at her, wide-eyed and looking a little like she'd been hit by a forceful wind--the forceful wind of Maggie's vehemence, she figured.

“Honestly, it’s one of the reasons I am so very adamant about you being able to say no to oral if you don’t want to do it. Because there’s a secret code here ; a lot of people think giving a BJ makes a girl ‘impure.’ It’s bullshit, but some guys like the fact that it’s dirty and degrading. They feel like it’s an excuse to treat their girl like garbage. And I don’t want you to go into this thinking that oral makes you a good girlfriend while he’s getting off on degrading you in his mind.” Maggie took both of Kara’s jeans-covered thighs in a firm grip and glared up at her. “If he treats you like that at  _ all _ , I will kill him, slowly. After I cut off his dick, and make him watch as I feed his testicles to a gaze of rac c oons.”

Kara looked astonished. And then, to Maggie’s consternation, a smile spread across her face. “You sound like Alex. I _can_ take care of myself, you know.”

Maggie sat back again, a wry expression on her face. “Sure.”

Kara slid down onto the cushion and leaned in, pressing a brief kiss to Maggie’s cheek. “Thank you, though. I get it. Having sex like . . . they do in books isn't the be all end all. You don't need to worry about me. Mon-El’s a little selfish, but he’s not like that. But I’m glad you’re looking out for me, even though one big sister is probably enough.”

Maggie, flushed to the gills from the cheek-kiss, did not protest that there was absolutely nothing big-sisterly about the way she thought of Kara.

For a moment, silence hung in the room. Maggie stewed in her embarrassment and didn't want to look at Kara, at her pretty, innocent face, that would look so good flushed and shocked and aroused. She _could not_ make it so.

Just as the silence threatened to turn awkward, Kara broke it.

"Okay," Kara said, patting her thighs determinedly. "I think you covered the basics. I'm ready. I want to try." She grabbed the rainbow dildo from where she’d left it on the couch and handed it to Maggie.

"Right," Maggie said, staring at the silicone cock. "Right." Only it wasn't right. Even just thinking of Kara's mouth wrapped around one of her dildos was not okay. This was all too much.

Kara shuffled her around, casually lifting her up onto the sofa, and knelt between her legs, sitting up, looking very serious and eager.

"Um," said Maggie. "You can do it lying down too. The kneeling is stupid-- But, um, traditional, so it's fine." The truth was, just the thought of lying down on the sofa and having Kara climb onto her legs to unzip her jeans and suck her cock, and Maggie was done. She slowly shifted back onto the couch, spreading her knees, adjusting where she held the dildo.

Kara, kneeling in front of her, contemplated the dick, and then, biting at her lower lap, started to lean forward.

All the blood in her body rushed to Maggie’s pelvis, and her skin felt weirdly hot and cold at the same time. She jerked up, dropping the dildo and leaping off the couch. “Nope, nope. Alex!  _ ALEX _ !”

After a few seconds, Alex emerged from the bedroom, looking a little rumpled like she’d been having a nap. She had a gun out this time, scowly and confused. “What is it?”

“We need you.” Maggie threw a strap on at her. “Put this on. Over your jeans. Kara needs practice, and I can’t show her how to angle her head or anything if she’s doing it to me.”

Kara had gone as alert as a meerkat, still on her knees, looking from Maggie to Alex.

Alex froze, catching the harness without thinking then looking at it like it might suddenly transform into a live rat. “You-- you need me to do  _ what _ ?”

“ Nothing,” Maggie extemporized, looking for an excuse that would make this okay. “Just be a conveniently shaped piece of furniture. Just sit--” she grabbed Alex by the arm and shoulder and guided her toward the couch. “--here, on the couch. Put on that strap on. Over your jeans. Don’t even think about it. You can read a book. Put on headphones. Just don’t--”  _ Just don’t leave me alone with Kara. _

Kara looked between them one more time, and then seemed to realize something and sat back on her heels--oh god, Maggie hoped she hadn’t realized just how attracted Maggie was to her. She bit her lip, then nodded. “Please, Alex? I need to learn this. Will you help me?”

Alex looked at Kara, her face incredibly skeptical. “For serious?”

Kara nodded, her face perfectly sad.

Alex’s shoulders went slack.

Maggie knew what her answer would be before she’d even opened her mouth. This was Alex. Kara was asking her for help. And suddenly, a heavy sense of foreboding hit her in the gut. This wasn’t better. Alex taking her place wasn’t better.

“Oh. Okay. Sure.”

#


	8. Chapter 8

The way Alex looked at the strap on made a nervous laugh choke off in Maggie’s throat. It wasn’t like Alex was unfamiliar with strap-ons, but usually they were just grabbed and employed, not examined. This one wasn't one they'd played with. It was pretty basic, supergirl-blue, ridged, and slightly longer than normal (That was good. The further Kara was from Alex’s crotch the better.), but Alex was looking at it where it dangled from the harness like it was a rotting fish on the end of a line.

"You don't have to," Kara said, dropping her gaze, her shoulders drooping.

Alex straightened up, setting her jaw. "No, it's fine," she said. "I want to help. I know you've felt cut off from your body, being a Kryptonian among flimsy humans and all. I want you to be able to have the physical relationship you want."

She looked at Maggie when she said that, as if she was telling  _ her _ . As if she was saying  _ she _ was the one who had felt cut off from her body, and Maggie had showed her she didn't have to be.

That was a little more than Maggie could take right now, now when everything felt like it was slipping out of control.

Alex slid the harness awkwardly over her jeans, loosening the straps and shifting the dildo awkwardly into position, as if she didn't really want to touch it.

Maggie pulled up a kitchen chair, and shifted the couch cushion so Kara could kneel comfortably in front of it. Alex perched uncomfortably on the edge of the chair, sitting boyishly with her knees apart.

Maggie wanted to smile at that and ruffle Alex’s hair, reminding her that wearing a dick didn’t mean you had to be a boy. But Alex was so pretty as a boy. Ugh, she was too tempted. "Hold that thought," she said, and hustled into the room to get one of Alex’s beanies. Alex was already in an oversized flannel and loose jeans. She yelped a little when Maggie came up behind her and settled the beanie onto her head, tugging it down over her ears and tucking her hair up into it. When she was done, Alex looked over, shyly, still boyish, and Maggie kissed his cheek. "I can't say you're a good stand in for Mon-El since you're so much cuter."

"She is," Kara said, but her voice was unexpectedly breathy and her cheeks were flushed.

Alex laughed and ducked her head. Kara settled between her knees and put her hands on them. She contemplated the dick with a little uncertainty.

"Condom first," Maggie said. "My toys are clean, but I don't fuck around with that."

She handed over a packet and Kara's favorite lube flavor.

"Right," Kara opened the pack and carefully applied it to Alex's cock. Alex's eyes went wide and she clenched the edge of her chair on either side. Maggie let her hand curl around Alex's shoulder and rubbed the heel of her hand into her trapezius.

Kara got the condom down and took a handful of lube, then schlooped it onto the cock.

"Hey!" Alex protested. "Don't get that on my jeans. I'll smell like--" she paused and sniffed. "--mint chocolate chip for a week."

Maggie thumped her. "You can  _ wash _ them."

"But they're just getting to that perfect level of comfiness."

"I'll be careful," Kara said, and licked her palm, cleaning up the excess.

Maggie went still, and she felt Alex go still also.

"You ready?" Maggie asked softly, unsure who she was asking. It could have been any of the three of them really.

Kara nodded. She stared down the barrel of the cock like she was preparing a plan of attack. Then moved a little back, took a breath, and began. She looked up through her lashes at Alex--all flannel and beanie and worried expression--at the dildo, licked her lips, with just a tiny dart of tongue, and smiled.

Maggie had told Kara she could overact the hell out of this. But she looked so earnest, as if there was no acting involved. She wanted to take Alex's cock into her mouth; she wanted to make him happy. Maggie was pretty sure she'd melt, quite literally, as the target of that gaze.

Kara's hand curled around the base and she extended her (not-so) delicate pink tongue, and licked up the underside of the head. For a moment, it felt like the world fuzzed out of focus--Kara, cascade of blonde hair, eyelashes brushing over her cheeks, the touch of her tongue, not on anything sensitive, and still it feeling like sandpaper across all the arousal centers of Maggie’s brain.

"Oh god, I can't watch this."

For a moment, Maggie thought she was the one who had spoken, but it was Alex. Kara sat back, pouting. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Maggie said, grateful that she didn't sound half strangled. "Alex is just being squeamish. She doesn't want to think about you doing this to real boy parts."

Then, Alex did make a thoroughly grossed out noise.

"It's all right, you don't have to watch." Maggie pulled the beanie down over Alex's eyes.

It was Kara who let out the small sound of surprise.

"Meditate," Maggie told Alex. "Pretend you're not even here."

Alex snorted as if that was clearly impossible. Maggie patted her head, and looked back down at Kara.

"You're doing great," she said. "Let’s keep going until you're confident."

Kara nodded and turned her gaze back to Alex's cock. She settled her grip around the base and took the head between rounded lips, and the bottom of Maggie's stomach dropped out.

Christ, she was pretty. It felt so  _ dirty _ to think about how pretty she was with her mouth full of cock. Her eyes were shut as she mouthed and sucked at the dildo, the lube already glistening on her lips and chin.

But there was something . . . awkward. Maggie slipped to her side and touched the center of her back to get her attention. "Hey, I want you to relax a little. Here in particular," she rubbed the side of Kara's jaw. "You might be superhuman, but that doesn't mean your jaw won't get tired. It will also feel better for him if you're a little less stiff."

At the instructive touch on her jaw, Kara obediently relaxed, leaning in and taking more of it into her mouth with ease.

"Good girl," Maggie said, and Kara, unexpectedly, went even more relaxed. Maggie’s face got hot, but she powered through. "Try turning a little like this. Remember what I said about the underside of your tongue or the roof of your mouth?"

Kara drew off with a pop and took a pull on the water bottle Maggie handed her. Then she nodded, and with a firm grip on the base, took it back into her mouth.

"Try letting it go to the back of your throat first, see how it feels."

Kara seemed to try, then realized that the way her lips were curled to guard her teeth meant her tongue bunched up in the back of her mouth, so she let the curling go, and as seemingly relaxed as she ever was, directed the cock at a good angle and just lowered herself, mouth open, over it, until a slight stop, a flinch, made it clear that she'd reached her glottis. 

Fuck.

Then she seemed to relax even more and slowly push forward. Maggie stared at the slight bulge in her throat, the lines around her eyes that showed strain, and yet she was taking more of the dildo into her. Alex’s hands were dutifully still clinging to the chair, but it was so easy to see one palming the back of her head, a broader one, blunter fingered, hear the cold little words of encouragement,  _ take it, come on, take it all the way down. I want your face against my balls. God, wait until everyone knows how much of a cockslut Supergirl is _ .

"Stop," Maggie hissed. "Don't you dare deep throat him.You call yourself a hero, you don't do that shit for your boyfriend. Good sex doesn't mean turning yourself into a tool of his pleasure, and making it something he can expect is letting down everyone else who ever fucks him."

Kara pulled back, and the lines around her eyes went away. She swallowed, seeming a little uncomfortable and gave Maggie a sad but understanding sideways look. "It didn't hurt," Kara said softly.

"Does anything hurt you?"

Kara gave her a wry, very sad smile.

Maggie sighed and rubbed her back again. "Come on, I'll refill your water bottle. You try bumping the head of Alex's cock against the roof of your mouth or the underside of your tongue and see how it feels."

She stood up, stretching out her legs, and heading to the kitchen, needing to get away for a moment. After refilling the water bottle, she stood at the sink, staring into the clouded steel. She had to do what Kara had asked. Working to break her up with her boyfriend was against the rules. But Kara deserved so much better.

Would she ever be able to think that a guy deserved Supergirl? Maggie huffed air out her nose. James seemed decent enough. She’d met good guys before. But no matter what Kara said, Maggie couldn’t help being sure that Mon-El was not good enough for her.

She just didn’t want Kara to get hurt. She’d been hurt enough.

When Maggie turned back to the tableau in the living room it was because Alex had made a small sound. It was a familiar sound: her quietly, unexpectedly aroused sound. Kara, kneeling between her legs, her hair cascading over her shoulder, her mouth curled around Alex's cock, had her eyes closed. From the tilt of her head Maggie guessed she had the head of the cock pressed up under her tongue, and she was sucking, sealing off the tip, and gently bobbing her head. She'd released her grip on the base. The bottom of the flange of the dildo was hitting Alex's clit through her jeans as Kara rocked it against her.

That was what had triggered Alex's arousal.

Kara was grinding her off.

Eyes still shut, mouth parting enough for Maggie to see the head of the cock rubbing over the flat of her tongue, Kara took the shaft in her hand again, tilted her head and went in at a different angle. She was using the long slow twist motion Maggie had taught her, but instead of the dragging motion used on a real cock, she gave it a pushing motion, as if Kara  _ wanted _ to urge another of those little sounds out of Alex.

As if she wanted to know that her new skills would work.

Maggie moved swiftly to them, lowering herself to her knees at Kara's side. "Kara, Kara. Ease up, just a little--"

Kara obeyed, and Alex gave a short, shifting gasp. For a moment, Maggie was sure she saw Kara's eyes blink open, and then she was leaning back in, letting the cock slide in deep, to hit the back of her throat. Then it seemed, she trapped the shaft against the roof of her mouth with her tongue and pushed in, lifting her chin to put pressure up high, and then, half letting the cock roll slickly out of her mouth, she bit down to rock it in low.

She was practicing, too focused on practicing to listen--but that wasn’t going to fucking work on her guy. Alex's hips were twitching, her cheeks red under the pulled down beanie, her knuckles white as she clung to the chair.

Maggie couldn't decide what to do. How could she stop this? Kara wasn't listening to her, and if she grabbed her shoulder, if she pulled her off-- Alex hadn't pushed her away. Was this okay? Was it okay if Alex wasn't trying to stop it? Confused into immobility, she could only watch as Kara manipulated the strap-on like a pro, and Alex clung to the edges of the chair, toes tucked around the legs, biting her lower lip, and gave those small shuddering breaths, that signaled her getting closer and closer to orgasm.

Then Kara hummed against the cock, buzzing it. Alex let out a sparking little gasp; she came, a quiet one, with that bend in her back, the tightness of her lips, that it had taken Maggie time to realize was a release not a restraint. It always came with a rush of liquid, of heat and scent.

And, too often, shame.

Feeling slick and hot and uncomfortable herself, Maggie took Kara by the shoulders. "Okay, that's good," she said, drawing Kara back, off the cock. Kara blinked and looked over at her, her lips--supergirl-strong didn't seem to matter here--pink and slick and swollen.

Alex was completely still, too still.

Kara stared at Maggie, blank and confused, then she turned her head, looking up at Alex. Her face shifted, from the haze of too-intense focus interrupted to realization that something was wrong. Had she seen it in Maggie’s expression, in Alex’s posture? Did she realize what she’d done, what it meant?

She cast a second sharp glance at Maggie, her expression drawn and fearful. "I--" she said. And then she was up, a swirl and she was in her Supergirl outfit, “I have to go. I hear sirens."

And she was gone, the window left open behind her, letting in a chilly fall breeze.

"Alex?" Maggie reached up, drawing the beanie back, uncertain of what she'd see.

Alex's eyes were bright with tears, but when they fixed on Maggie they weren't sad. They were furious. "How could you. How could you make me do that?"


	9. Chapter 9

"Hey. Hey, baby,  _ Alex _ .  _ You didn't do anything wrong. _ "

Alex was up from the chair hopping and cursing as she tried to get out of the harness. She finally pulled it off, lifted it up, and for a moment, just one, stared at the condom, slick with lube and spit, and then hurled it away from her, into the corner. Her face was red, and she was half-hyperventilating, and Maggie had  _ known _ she shouldn't have let this happen, she knew she shouldn't have gotten Alex involved with any of it, but it was too late now and she needed to do some damage control before Alex hurt herself. But Alex wasn't listening to her, and getting her attention meant getting close or getting inside her head, and getting close to Alex like this was  _ dangerous _ , but leaving her alone was dangerous too.

" _ Alex _ ."

Alex spun. "How  _ dare _ you? How could you think that I-- that that--"

Words failed her. Alex's face was raw, everything about her seemed raw, like an 18-wheeler had dragged her down the pavement on her face and left her raised and ragged and crumbling.

Maggie didn’t have an answer to that. She’d known better. She’d fucked up. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you-- you  _ knew _ you had to  _ know _ that I'm-- I'm wrong. You had to-- oh God. Why?"

The lump of it hit Maggie right in the chest.  _ You knew. You had to know. _ It was true. "I didn't know. I didn't realize. I mean-- fuck, Alex. I thought you guys would be beautiful together, and I never understood why Kara and I felt like rivals when she was your sister and I was your girlfriend. I joked about it, thought about it, because you're both gorgeous and I wanted to see you kiss. And I needled you about your coming out, because come on, of course Kara had something to do with why you were in the closet for so long, if only because you were scared she'd see you experimenting and then it wouldn't be an experiment, it would be a statement. It was a theory, a fantasy I had. I didn't think it was  _ real _ ."

Alex looked so beautiful when she was about to cry, and yet Maggie wished she never had to see her look like that again. Because this was all Maggie's fault. All of those times she’d joked about it. She hadn't thought  _ Alex _ knew. But she did. Alex  _ knew _ she was attracted to Kara, and she hated herself for it.

"I'm so sorry Alex. I should never have asked you to do that. I-- It was selfish. I put you in that position because I didn't want to be in that position. I mean--" Maggie stuck her hand into her hair. "Do you really think that in your place I wouldn't have done exactly the same thing? Worse. I would have lasted two minutes. Getting off when someone's grinding something into you and you're just too polite to say stop has plausible deniability. I wanted her on her back with her knees up and ankles locked around my back--"

Alex was staring at her, a strangeness on her face that Maggie didn't understand. "Y--" she stammered. "You're attracted to Kara?"

There was a silent  _ too _ that echoed so deeply around the room.

Shame rushed into Maggie’s face. It was stupid shame,  _ stupid _ . Being in a relationship didn’t mean you were dead, and you’d have to be dead to not be attracted to Supergirl. She  _ knew _ this wasn’t wrong, she knew it. But it didn’t mean it didn’t feel wrong.

"Of  _ course _ I'm attracted to Kara," Maggie snapped, angry at herself at her own shame, not at Alex. "Kara's gorgeous. And worse, she's fierce and sweet and loyal and she loves you with the fire of a thousand suns, and she's so  _ good _ . If I wasn't attracted to Kara I'd probably have to turn in my queer card. And if you aren't, you should too."

Alex shook her head, shook it again. "No. It's not-- It's not okay. There's nothing okay about me wanting--"

“Why?”

“She’s my  _ sister _ .”

Maggie rolled her eyes. “She is  _ not _ your sister. She’s an alien who moved into your bedroom when she was fourteen. She calls your mom Eliza. She's less closely related to you than a tree. You love her as dearly as you  _ think _ you'd love a sister, only you've never had a sister. You don't know what that means, to have a sibling that you love."

"Don't tell me I don't know--"

That hit a nerve inside Maggie. She wanted to scream at her. This was not the point, arguing would not talk her out of her tangled headspace. But Maggie  _ had _ siblings and Alex was a goddamn typical only-child. The pressure, the expectations, her inability to communicate, the certainty that she was responsible for  _ everything- _ -Alex had made Kara one of her obligations. She hadn't made her into a sister. A sister was a  _ person _ , who sure, you had an intimacy with, a long term one, full of shared experiences and inside jokes and competition, or, in Maggie’s case, bitterness, ability to get on someone’s nerves with a single word, and betrayal. You didn't join a fucking secret organization in order to protect your adult sibling who was trying to have her own life.

But you didn't judge the identity someone had chosen. Maggie bit the words back. "Fine," she said quick and a little hard. "You call her your sister. You love her like a sister. But, Alex, she didn't grow up with you, she isn't a blood relative. There's no reason you can't admit you also find her attractive."

“She’d think I was--”

“Disgusting?” Maggie’s mouth went taut. “You mean like my friend thought I was disgusting when I was attracted to her? You mean like my parents still think I’m disgusting? You mean like  _ I _ thought I was disgusting for all those years I spent fucking girls in dark rooms because I didn’t want to have to see what I was doing? I get it, it takes a long time to be able to tell the difference between disgusting and wrong, but is this really because you think Kara would be disgusted with you for being attracted to her, or is it because you’ve hated yourself all along for the way she made you feel.”

Alex went still.

Maggie had planned to take her time with this, slowly and carefully unpick how much of Alex’s denial and internalized homophobia had to do with how she had to start policing her own behavior when Kara had moved into her room. Now she’d used it as a weapon. Great job.

"It's just attraction, Alex,” Maggie said softly. “You did nothing wrong."

Alex laughed, her eyes bright with tears. “No? I came in her mouth." Her expression went fierce, bloodthirsty almost, if you could be bloodthirsty for punishing yourself. “I came in her goddamn  _ mouth _ .”

Maggie put her hands up. "Hold it. First of all, you were wearing jeans. It counts as grinding off, not oral. And second: You Did Nothing Wrong. There is a  _ difference _ between sexual response and sexual interest. A physical reaction to being touched doesn't mean you asked for it. You’re not responsible for your body’s autonomic responses."

"Stop trying to  _ teach _ .You can't teach me! I'm not your student! I'm not  _ Kara _ ." Alex's lip curled. "You’re attracted to her too. Is that what this was really about? You teach her about sex so you can get close, so you can touch her and see her horny and show her how much more you have to offer than douchebag daxampants?"

Maggie went silent. Her jaw drew tight. Her fists. Everything. Then the words burst out of her like a blown dam. "Don't you  _ dare _ accuse me of grooming her. I fuck up. I fuck up a  _ lot _ , but I know the difference between desire and action. Why do you think I asked you to be here while we were doing this? Do you know how hard it is, every time she even mentions that douchebag's name not to say dump the motherfucking asshole and tell her to come and just be with us, be  _ ours _ ? Because in no way would she be worrying that she wasn't good enough at sex if she was ours. But I would never, ever break her trust by trying to manipulate her for my own gain. You would. You have. You've hurt her by lying to her, telling yourself it was for her own good, when really it just made things easier for you, it just made you not have to explain yourself, to not have to own your actions and your feelings. If you freak out about this and turn away from her, you'll be doing it all over again.”

Alex was staring at her, looking like the shattered hull of a ship that had just taken a full broadside. Her lips formed a shape.  _ Ours _ ?

But Maggie wasn’t done. “Grow up, Alex. You're attracted to her. You let her get you off. It was crossing a line. You can self-flagellate and tell yourself you’re staying away from her for her own good, or you can own your shit. Own your attraction, then be even more of an adult and know that it doesn’t  _ mean _ anything. She has a boyfriend, so you're not going to have sex with her. Just cross that option off the list and stop being scared of it. I know there aren't very many people you're physically attracted to, and you love Kara, so it seems like this is a big fucking deal. But it doesn't have to be. It's just attraction. It's not romantic."

“You think . . .” Alex seemed to slowly get in control of herself. “You think I’m going to handle this poorly and fuck up my relationship with Kara even more.”

Maggie sighed. “I’m not going to say that going straight to blaming me for everything was a great start.”

Alex winced.

Maggie swallowed and looked away. This was one of the things she'd been worried about when she'd been rejecting Alex for being a baby gay. Alex hadn't had the time to think through all of the baggage that came with it. If she thought Maggie didn't understand how an attraction could make you feel disgusting, if she thought that Maggie wasn't hyper-aware of whether her behavior could be construed as predatory, she didn't understand enough to be with Maggie. "I think you should go. I need a break."

Alex put out her hands like useless paddles, looking helpless and at sea. She needed to be held, to be guided through this, just like she'd needed to be gently wrapped up and comforted through their first time, through experimenting with her gender, through the nuts and bolts of being in a relationship. But Maggie was raw too, after this. She needed to face her own shame, to lick her wounds and try to put herself back together. She looked away.

Alex nodded and moved to grab her bag and go. She stood at the door, for a moment, with her hand on the knob, and then looked back at Maggie, her eyes so bright with unshed tears. "What if it’s not just attraction? What if it is romantic? Would you . . . leave me?" she asked, and she looked like the answer might be the worst thing she could ever hear.

Maggie went to her, stepped into her, pulling her into a tight, fierce hug. Her baby girl, her handsome young man, her Alex--so much was in her, wound tight like a spring, and it would hurt when it came out. It had hurt. "Of course not, idiot. If it’s romantic, then you deal with it, like you deal with any crush. Just figure out how to deal with it while keeping your head high. Don't judge your feelings; judge your actions. Act in whatever way you'd consider honorable. That will be good enough."

It was the standard she held herself to. Today, though, she was pretty sure she hadn't met it.

Alex held her back for a long moment and then withdrew. “I’m going to-- I’m going to go home for a little while,” she said. “Midvale. Try to get my head on straight.”

“Not too straight, I hope,” Maggie said, wished she hadn’t, and then relaxed at the wry smile on Alex’s face. Alex bent as if to kiss her, then hesitated and changed tacks, lightly brushing her cheek with her lips.

She turned and the last glimpse Maggie had of her face was so, so tired.

The door shut, and Maggie slowly walked over to the window, staring out into the cold evening for a few minutes until the chill set in and she shut that too.

#


	10. Chapter 10

The sounds of Alex’s heavy breathing and soft cries pounded in her ears, Maggie’s flushed cheeks, her look of warning. Kara’s body felt like it had after Livewire had shocked her, buzzing and strange and half-alien. She was wet, aroused, needy, and she’d made Alex come. She could hear the physiological reaction in Alex’s body. She could  _ hear _ it, and smell it, and feel it, even through the strange intermediary of the dildo in her mouth.

She felt dirty.

The cry, Alex’s cry, of anger and confusion and shame from the apartment still echoed in her ears. She had still been close enough to hear it. She’d fled then, waiting just enough to feel the way a fight was brewing, the pain that people’s voices seemed to seed into the air like lightning seeded thunder. Kara’s own shame rose.

This was wrong. She’d done wrong.

She’d come to Maggie for help, and then she’d rubbed herself all over their relationship like a wet dog. She was terrible, she was a slut. What would her mother have said, letting sexual desire ruin relationships, hurt people?

Sometimes shame felt like rage. The only difference was that the target was herself.

Rao, she just wanted to be alone, to sit with the weight of what she’d done, but Mon-El was in her apartment. Kara hovered outside as he moved around, shaking his ass to the music he had on. This was  _ his _ fault. He should have been better. Not wanting sex wasn’t her problem, she just wanted  _ better _ sex. She wanted sex with other people.

But she was supposed to be having sex with him.

Suddenly, what Maggie had said made a lot of sense.  _ Sometimes getting fucked feels like punishment. _

She swooped in.

“Kara!” he seemed joyful, amused and upbeat. She often found that annoying. But she didn’t care right now. She stepped into him. 

“Hi,” she said, and kissed him.

He kissed back. She kissed harder, rolling her hips into him.

He pulled away playfully. “Ooh, are you in a mood?”

Kara pushed him against the wall. “ _ Yes _ .”

He seemed surprised and a little put off for a moment, as if she’d done something wrong, broke another of those unwritten rules that no one had told her about. But then he smiled and wiggled his hips. “Come to me,  _ Ieyi _ .”

Kara cringed, she was no one’s mommy, but zipped out of her supersuit anyway. He dropped his pants and shucked his shirt just as fast. This was good, it was good not to think about it. He was cute, with his eager grin and nice chest. His cock was bouncing as he moved, not quite hard, but getting there. People called them ‘proud,’ but they’d always seemed more intrusive to her, eager maybe, like a dog hurrying up under the table and sticking his head through the tablecloth, begging for scraps. Not Alex’s though. Alex’s hadn’t been eager. It had been exposed, skinless, like the way she’d looked after she’d come, made so vulnerable even a breath could hurt her. 

Kara shook the thought from her head. 

Mon-El’s dick swelled as she looked at it, demanding attention, asserting itself. She liked it. She liked cocks. Kara sucked her teeth. She could still taste mint-chocolate-chip lube. She’d liked Alex’s. Mon-El’s was real. It had to be better.

She pushed him down on the bed and climbed onto him. 

“Kara?” He tried to sit up. She pushed him down again. “I guess--” He got pushed down a third time with an oof. “Okay. It’s fine. You can be on top.”

Right. She was on top. She had no idea how to be on top.

She rose up on her knees and awkwardly shuffled forward, then reached down and took his cock in her hand and squeezed it lightly. It was swollen and throbbed with his heartbeat. It was hot. In her hand it felt good, its firmness, sturdy and on the bigger end of Maggie’s collection. She felt herself get wet. Good. Good. Now what?

What would Maggie do?

Kara swallowed. Well, not have sex with a guy for starters.

But if she was going to ride Alex . . . Kara felt a little lightheaded at the thought of Alex in that beanie and flannel and jeans, getting pushed down on the couch, her jeans unzipped, the dildo coming out. Maggie would take it in her hand--condom, she’d use a condom. And then lube, make sure it’s wet.

“Stay,” she told Mon-El, then zipped to her bag. She’d forgotten the flavored lube, but she still had the KY.

“Oh?” Mon-El frowned. “A condom? They make me chafe. I don’t really like--”

“Shut up,” Kara told him. 

Surprised, and a little deflated, he shut up. He was watching her, an expression on his face that she couldn’t read. But she didn’t care.

She put some lube on first so he wouldn’t chafe. His dick perked up again with a couple of pumps.

She moved over him, trying to match up his head with her entrance, it wasn’t  _ working _ . She shifted, but either he was too flat or too tall--dammit.

“Hey,” Mon-El’s sly confidence was back. He smiled and took hold of her hips and lifted her up, moving her forward until they lined up properly. She felt his tip slot into her, the scrunch of the condom, and a hollowness opened up in her stomach. Arousal or fear? “I’m cool with you taking the reins once in a while. Just lower yourself down. It’s easy. You don’t have to freak out. Just do what’s natural.”

None of this was natural.  _ None _ of this.

He was in her, just the tip, but in her just the same. She’d thought about this a hundred times. Her lover, inside her, a joining, a union. But it didn’t feel like that. It felt prosaic and dirty. Stick his pee-stick in you, right?

Kara scrunched her eyes shut. Sexy, Maggie had said, make it sexy by thinking yourself there. Those pictures, cute guys in cravats and sweaters, bony shoulderblades and sharp suits, and--  _ Alex in a sharp suit _ . No. Not that. But the soft whimpers she’d made, the way she’d rocked into Kara’s mouth--

Kara could smell how wet she was, how turned on.

_ Alex. _

Kara sank down on the cock, letting her knees splay wide on the bed. It was inside her, near all the way. Mon-El moaned. 

The stretch had been good, but inside Kara still felt nothing. It was a little uncomfortable, but just-- not that interesting. She bit down on her lower lip, thinking for a moment, then started to rock. This was what riding was, right? Alex and Maggie had been all tangled up oddly, but they’d been rocking too, bringing their hips together to meet.

“Yessss,” Mon-El moaned. “Ride your stallion, Supergirl.”

Kara leaned forward a little, feeling how he slid in and out of her. It almost,  _ almost _ felt good like that. If she could just shift a little more-- he jerked his hips, jammed his dick upwards into a sensitive area that just  _ hurt _ . He was trying to buck to meet her. It wasn’t working. The timing was off. Everything was  _ off _ .

“Dammit!” Kara drove down into him, trying to get something, trying to find a way to feel. Alex had come and she’d been wearing jeans. Kara had a big alien cock in her and she couldn’t find a way to feel it. It didn’t  _ work _ for her. Could Maggie tell her why? Could Maggie fix this?

Maybe she could. But Kara had molested her girlfriend and wasn’t allowed to ask anymore.

“Fuck,” she snapped and pulled off. She dropped onto the bed and pulled the pillow down over her head. “I suck at this. I can’t--”

“Oh,  _ Ieyi _ ,” Mon-El slid up against her back and put his arms around her. He’d taken a moment to pull off the condom and his still hard dick was poking her in the ass. “We’ll work this out.”

Kara felt herself start to cry. What was wrong with her? 

Mon-El kept kissing her shoulder and her neck, cooing embarrassing things. She softened. 

“I’m sorry for freaking out,” Kara murmured. “I want this to work.”

“Don’t worry so much.”

“It doesn’t feel natural to me.”

“Well, Kryptonians are uptight.”

Kara glared at him, but he was making a doofy face and she relaxed enough to smile. 

“But really, you just gotta relax. Let me make your body feel good.” He wrapped his arms around her and started fondling her breasts. Kara didn’t really know what people liked about breasts. Though, she had to admit, Maggie’s were pretty nice. She kept them tucked away most of the time, but when she’d been naked, the way they splayed across her chest, moving and bunching with their own weight, they were . . . pretty nice. Kara might want to rest her head on them.

Mon-El’s kisses were a little prickly, but gentle. His cock rubbed at the crack of her ass. Slowly, she let one knee slide forward, exposing herself to him a little, He made a murmuring sound, then slotted himself in.

This time, as he slid inside her, the head of his cock ran across the front of her channel. It felt like strumming a guitar. “ _ Oh _ ,” she went limp. “Like that. Go slow.”

“You like?” Mon-El slowly and gently fucked her from behind, his cock hot and pulsing and alive inside her, rubbing against her, making her feel good.

This. This was . . . it wasn’t her dreams, not union, not transcendence, but it felt good, that had to be enough. 

Burying her face in the pillow she hit a peak, screaming into it, then sagging as his hot cum spurted inside her. He drew out, letting more run out over her leg.

“Rao, I love you,” he said, then rolled onto his back and started to snore.

Kara lay there for a while, trying to enjoy the orgasm. But it felt sort of minor, as if she could have gone again. And she was sticky and had started to itch.

But it had been good. They’d had good sex.

She didn’t need Maggie’s lessons anymore--which was a good thing, because couldn’t have them. She’d ruined her friendship with Maggie and she’d fucked up her sister’s relationship in the process. 

For this. 

For  _ sex _ .

It all felt a little bit worthless now.

Kara got off the bed and went into the bathroom. There, she stood in the shower and cried.

#


	11. Chapter 11

Alex went home to Midvale. Her mom had a conference that weekend, so the house was empty, which she was grateful for. It was chilly, late fall, but she wrapped up in her flannels and sat out on the beach and stared at the waves.

She shut her eyes too, trying to remember those moments when Kara had shown up--just a girl, nothing interesting, and then a monster, very interesting, and then someone so sad that Alex couldn't even imagine how sad she must be, which made her angry. Alex was used to being smart, and she wasn't smart enough to know how it felt to have your whole planet die.

She hadn't quite realized yet that that was a good thing.

It was hard to remember, to the time before her dad died. But she could remember enough.

It wasn't like Maggie said, it wasn't like having Kara in her room suddenly made her unable to be herself.

But if Kara’s presence hadn’t fucked her up, what had?

"Oh!"

Alex looked up. She'd come in from the beach when it started to get dark and had been sitting on the front porch, nursing a beer. Her mom stood in the drive, the car beside her. She'd been so out of it that she hadn't heard her drive up.

"Alex?"

Alex waved. "Hey. Sorry if I startled you."

Eliza had her flying clothes on, comfy yoga pants and a long sweater, and Alex blinked at her, wondering why she dressed so much like Kara. No, she had that backwards. Kara dressed like her. Role models, or something. And Alex, well, sometimes she dressed like her mom, but sometimes she dressed like her dad. There didn’t seem to be a ‘why’ to it that made any sense. She didn’t hate dressing like her mom, and she didn’t associate her feelings about her dad with herself when she pulled on old jeans and a plaid flannel. Maybe she should listen when Maggie said, ‘Whatever. If it’s you it’s you. Most things about gender and sexuality are not actually spawned from trauma.’

And yet, it was clear that Maggie thought the way she’d reacted to . . . The Thing. With Kara. wasn’t just  _ ‘her _ .’ She’d built some walls, closed off certain reactions, feelings. Alex didn’t really remember a lot about her childhood. And everything as a teenager-- well, there was enough raw trauma there that whatever events had influenced her repression of her sexuality were lost in the other emotions she’d had.

Her mom might actually remember her childhood better than she did. Alex felt uncomfortable talking about it with her, but would it really hurt that much to ask? 

Her mom had been great about her sexuality.

Her mom would definitely not be great if she told her about what happened with Kara.

Well, Alex didn’t have to tell her  _ everything _ .

"Oh, don't worry." Eliza waved her hand. "Dressed like that I thought there was some strange boy on my porch. I wasn't sure if you were a runaway or going to try to sell me a tree service."

Alex went ice cold. Or maybe not. She didn't want to talk about this with her mom.

"What are you doing here?" She came up the steps and touched Alex's face. "You look rough. Are you all right? Is . . . Maggie all right?"

No, there was no way she could talk about this with her mom. "Fine. I just needed a weekend away. But I should leave. I need to get back. Work, and stuff."

Her mom, however, stood on the steps in a way that made her seem as sturdy and unmovable as Kara. "I know when something's bothering you, Alex. I won't pry. But come in. And call for take-out, I'm wiped from traveling and you're too skinny. You shouldn't let Kara eat all your food."

Alex made a face and followed her mom into the house. She knew when she was licked. "Kara doesn't eat all my food."

Eliza cast a very disbelieving look over her shoulder.

Alex called for delivery while her mom was getting changed. At some point, all the restaurants nearby knew them, and would double orders without even asking. She tried to let them know that Kara wasn't there, but the enthusiastic shout of "Danvers! Daughter's home!" suggested they'd have enough Chinese food for a week.

"So," her mom took away her empty beer bottle and poured her a glass of wine. "What brings you up here all on your lonesome?" The pointed look made it clear that she needed an answer about Maggie, fast.

"I just--" Alex made a face and stared down at the wine glass. Since she was thirteen her mom had been pouring her a glass of wine after school if she looked stressed. No wonder she turned to alcohol to solve her problems. "I needed to think through some things.”

“And have you?”

Alex shrugged. How did you  _ work through _ the horrible knot that she and Maggie had somehow tied in their relationship--the one named Kara?

“Why did you take it so well, me being . . . gay?"

Eliza looked at her for a long time, quietly. "Honestly? I was ready. I know when you're upset about something. And, well, I'd been sort of expecting it. For years."

"What?" Alex sat up, frowning.

"I mean," Eliza grinned and waved a hand at Alex's clothes. "When you were seven or eight you wrote and signed a vow never to wear dresses again. I was very glad when you forgot about that, because your grandmother would have never forgiven me if you'd worn jeans to Passover, but you were very emphatic at the time. And then when you were eleven you would religiously watch Xena reruns on Saturday at noon. You had an alarm on your my Little Pony watch and everything."

Alex felt her face heating up. She faintly remembered the watch. She'd liked it. What had happened to it?

"And then you punched Derek Bart in the head when he asked you out in, mmm, sixth grade. You were sure he was making fun of you. You never did realize just how pretty you are."

Alex snorted. She remembered  _ that _ . Derek had been an asshole. Even if he had meant it, she didn’t regret it. "Kara's pretty. I'm normal."

Eliza gave her another look, wearing her exasperation visibly, which suggested that she was drunker than she seemed. "You're pretty. You look like Jeremiah's great aunt, almost exactly, and she came from nothing and married a Bavarian prince."

Alex laughed. "Well, if I'm attractive enough to marry a Bavarian prince, I  _ must _ be good looking."

"Doesn't your girlfriend tell you you're pretty?"

Alex shrugged. "Sure, sometimes. Sometimes she tells me I'm handsome."

At Eliza's slight startle, Alex winced. She'd had one beer and three sips of wine, she should not  _ say _ stuff like that. Dammit, Maggie.

"She told me I was gorgeous the other day," Alex added, trying to cover. But that memory brought a bunch of others with it.

She'd said 'you're gorgeous', to both Alex and Kara. She said they'd be beautiful together. Christ.

"Well," Eliza frowned and waved her glass. "Listen to her."

Alex laughed. Sure. Listen to Maggie-- come here and be a piece of furniture that Kara can suck off. "Yeah. I've been doing that."

"And then, well, then you had Vicki, your very close girlfriend, and honestly that was when I started to doubt my previous prediction. Vicki was very normal. You tried to be more like her--I didn't wonder too much about why. You started dressing more girly, talking about boys. To be honest--" Eliza leaned forward. "--I didn't like Vicki all that much. But Kara-- Kara  _ hated _ her. It was adorable."

Alex blinked. "What?"

"I think Kara had a little crush on you."

Her heart was in her throat. " _ What _ ?"

"You were mostly oblivious, except for freaking out that she might accidentally see you naked. You were very concerned about that."

Alex rolled her eyes, but she could still feel her heartbeat pounding in her ears. "Of course I was."

"You've always been secretive about things. When you broke things off with Vicki--I think Kara had something to do with that. Vicki had tendencies to be a bully--I thought you two might get together. I felt slightly like I ought to keep an eye on you both to prevent--" She waved a finger meaningfully. "--shenanigans. But, that was after Jer was gone and I was so tired. What would be the harm of you two comforting each other? It wasn't like you could get pregnant."

Alex was gaping. "You thought-- you thought Kara and I were-- But you told me to think of her as my  _ sister _ ."

Eliza nodded. "You needed to be family. I wouldn't have cared if you were together, but you needed to remember that even if things went bad between you, you had to still love each other. It's hard for people to treat each other well in a relationship when they're young. Everyone's very self-involved. You had to be family too."

"That's--" Alex shook her head. "Kara's straight, mom."

Eliza shrugged. "In this world you're straight until proven innocent. I'm a scientist. I try not to make unfounded assumptions."

Alex sank back into the couch and took a long drink of wine. This was . . . this wasn't what she'd expected to hear. “You really wouldn’t mind if Kara and I were together?”

Eliza narrowed her eyes.  _ “ _ Wouldn’t _ have  _ minded. Maggie is a lovely girl and apparently thinks you’re gorgeous.” She made a pointed gesture with her wineglass. “Don’t fuck it up. And isn’t Kara dating that good looking young alien?” Eliza wiggled her eyebrows. “He was very charming at Thanksgiving. I must say I wouldn’t say no to having a good grope of his shoulders or something  _ more intimate _ .”

“Mom!”

“He didn’t give the impression that he would have rejected the idea either.”. 

He probably wouldn’t have. Alex made a face. “According to Kara he’s not that good in bed.”

“No?” Eliza looked disappointed.

Alex hesitated. He seemed to have been doing pretty well with women that weren’t Kara. Though she really didn’t want to think about how well he’d please her  _ mom _ . “Not for her anyway.”

“Oh,” Eliza shrugged and sipped her wine. “Well, that makes sense.”

“Why?”

“Well, she’s like you. She needs intimacy.”

Alex stared at her mom. “Like me?” But the words resonated. She liked sex, she really did, now. But she liked it with Maggie because it was  _ Maggie _ . Maggie made it easy. She listened, and knew what Alex liked better than Alex did, and she guided Alex into giving Maggie what she wanted as if it were easy. Maggie was good at that. 

Maggie was so concerned with teaching Kara the nuts and bolts of sex, and yet, Alex wondered if what she was really offering Kara was that sense of intimacy also. Calling it ‘teaching’ made their interaction not so sexual, not so dangerous, not so much like a betrayal, but what she was offering was what Maggie always offered--looking you in the eyes, with kindness, without judgment. Words of support, confidence and also an incisive breakdown of your issues. Kara deserved to have that.

Alex had wished she could do that for Kara too. That was what made her so sick about it all. She’d thought she could. She’d been trying so hard to deal with how uncomfortable she was talking about sex that she’d ended up pushing past boundaries that needed to stay where they were. 

She’d let Kara get her off.

God, it was absurd really. Alex  _ never _ got casually aroused. She needed long slow preparation, either mental or physical, before she was ready to be touched like that. She’d been fully dressed, planning to be nothing but furniture, and she’d gotten so aroused so quickly.

Context was everything, Maggie was fond of saying. And there had been a lot about that situation that made it clear this was a sexual context. Her stomach had been swimming. 

Blow jobs, dirty.

Associating Kara and sex, so dirty.

Strap-ons, outside of a sexual context, were possibly the least sexy thing in the world, but here, knowing that Kara was going to put it in her mouth, knowing that it was attached to  _ Alex _ and Kara  _ licked _ it--it was a lot to take. 

And Maggie putting the beanie on her hadn’t helped. She'd decided Alex should present as a boy for it. It wasn’t that having a boy day was inherently sexual. Some days Alex just felt so tired, and she wanted to be comfortable. And comfortable meant something different on those days. She just felt better in looser jeans with boycut underwear. She wanted comfy, but not in the soft sweaters Eliza got her as presents. She didn’t want to look in the mirror and see her collarbones or the curve of her hips or the outline of her breasts. Sometimes those things didn’t bother her at all. She was fine, she looked normal, good even. She liked wearing dresses on occasion. They could feel like armor, like weapons. But other times she needed a hoodie under a leather jacket like it was a child’s blankie. 

But Maggie could make it sexual. She  _ liked _ it when Alex had dug around in her closet for the right pair of chinos and considered a tie. She told Alex she looked good without any makeup, and was pleased when she put her hair up under a cap. She made it sexy, not just . . . a response to discomfort.

She’d put her hair up around Kara, as if Kara would find it sexy too.

Alex had wanted Kara to find it sexy too.

Maggie was right. Alex had to admit it. She was attracted to Kara.

And maybe part of being afraid of her attraction to Kara was being afraid of what  _ Vicki _ would say. Could one friend have had that much influence on her life?

One friend--not so friendly--had had a really big influence on Maggie’s. She'd cost Maggie her family. Being gay was a vulnerability. Maggie had been stabbed in that wound. Alex had built herself a carapace to hide it.

_ She’s not really your sister. Why are you so obsessed with her? It’s a little . . . weird, if you ask me. _

That versus Maggie:

_ If I wasn’t attracted to Kara, I’d turn in my queer card. _

She was attracted to Kara.

Of course she was. Kara’s bright eyes crunched up in a smile, her too strong hugs, her pain, as deep and strong as an underground river, the way she moved, untrained and graceless, and still so, so beautiful. Thinking about it felt like a betrayal of Maggie. But Maggie thought about it too. Maggie understood.

How would it be to have Kara’s warmth curled up against her, to have her mouth pressing soft kisses against Alex’s cheek, to have Alex holding her, all night, every night--

But if she had that, where was Maggie?

Alex’s heart sank.

If it had just been attraction, if it had been something minor like that, she could have accepted it. Being in a relationship didn’t mean you were blind.

But it wasn’t, was it?

Alex knew what she wanted, she wanted those looks, that hand clasp, Kara’s eyes, so deep and sad, her grip, just tight enough to hurt, and her words,  _ I can’t do this without your faith _ . And Alex, in return, had known, she’d  _ known _ the only immutable truth of her life:  _ I can’t live without you. _

Alex wasn’t just attracted to Kara. She was in love with her. And though attraction wasn’t a betrayal, this-- it felt like this was.

#


	12. Chapter 12

It was a long weekend to be alone.

Maggie spent it quietly, looking at the empty spaces where Alex wasn't, folding her clean clothes and wondering if she should pack them up, if she'd be relieved that Maggie was on top of things and could give her back all the stuff she'd left at Maggie's when they broke up.

It felt like a foregone conclusion. Alex was a mess right now; maybe she'd come to terms with her feelings for Kara and maybe she'd push them back down into denial, but either way, Maggie had crossed a line. It had been a big fucking glowing neon line. She'd been selfish and callous and manipulative. There was no reason Alex should stay with her.

She didn't deserve to have Alex stay.

On Sunday morning Maggie got her coffee and went out to sit on the bench at the overlook in the park and watch the sea. It was a grey day, soft and cool, and Maggie let her mind drift, thinking about nothing, not about Alex, not about Kara, not about all of the ways she was no good and didn't deserve happiness. Just the sea and the sky and the gulls squawking as they fought over bread.

She blinked and Kara was there, standing beside the bench, appearing as if by magic. She was dressed in civvies, jeans and an oversized grey sweater. The sweater matched the grey sky, the grey sea, and all of that grey was reflected in her eyes. Her face was still, quietly resigned. She watched Maggie and said nothing.

Maggie said nothing either. She'd fucked this up so much. This was probably the worst of it. Alex had always been too good to be true. There had always been an expiration date. But she'd just wanted to protect Kara.

So much for that.

Kara perched like a bird on the edge of her bench seat. She looked out at the sea. "I didn't mean to ruin things," she said.

Maggie shut her eyes and breathed out. "It wasn't you," she said.

"It wasn't?" The twist to Kara's lips said she didn't believe her.

She looked older today, quiet and tired. The resigned sadness in her face was familiar in a way that made Maggie hurt. Her acceptance of blame felt so much like Maggie's own, and that was wrong. Maggie deserved this, but Kara didn't, and it made her sick to know that Kara felt like she did. Kara had lost too much, and if Maggie had screwed things up between her and Alex too--that was the exact opposite of what she'd wanted.

"It  _ wasn't _ ." Maggie reached out, hand clasping Kara's thigh, the warm leg under her jeans.

Kara looked at her, startled, wide-eyed, her lips parted with a half-drawn in breath. There was something hot in it, her cheeks reddening, hot like shame and also desire. Then her expression altered, something fierce and intense, as if she'd  _ decided _ . There as a pride there, a towering adult power, the truth behind her charming, innocent Supergirl poise, her easygoing younger sister mask, was someone proud and righteous, who could bend the world in her hands and reshape it as she desired it. 

But Maggie couldn't handle that. She couldn't let herself be the object of that decision. She jerked her hand back as if Kara's warmth had burned her.

Kara's expression went flat. She slid a little away. A weight seemed to settle on her shoulders, and Maggie looked away, not wanting to see what an angel would look like as she folded her wings in grief and rage that the world was not the good place she wanted it to be.

"I wanted to tell you," Kara said, her voice oddly formal, crackling a little around the edges. "Mon-El and I made love last night, and . . . it was good. I . . . reached climax."

It felt like a punch in the gut. So what, Kara had gone home after getting Alex off, and applied her newfound skills to her boyfriend? She'd gone off like a bomb in the middle of their relationship and then fucked him?

But goddammit. Kara wasn't at fault here. Kara had only ever come to her because she wanted to have better sex with Mon-El. Kara had been honest and straightforward-- _ and had wrapped her mouth around Alex's cock like she knew  _ exactly _ what she was doing. _

_ No. _ It was Maggie who'd fucked up, who'd used Kara's earnest need to get close to her, who hadn't been able to handle what being close to Kara was like and had gotten Alex tangled up in it instead. Maggie grit her teeth and forced a smile. "Great, hon. That's great."

"Yeah," Kara smiled, and looked like she was going to cry at the same time. "It turns out it was a simple fix after all. If he enters me from behind and at a downward angle, I enjoy it."

The fucking miracle of the Kryptonian g-spot. Maggie wanted to swear. "Of course," she managed to force out. "I'm glad you . . . solved it."

"Yes." Kara seemed to fold further into herself.

This wasn't the look of a girl who'd had good sex. She looked wrecked. Was it about Alex? Was she scared she'd ruined things with Alex? But it just-- this whole conversation felt like a  _ lie _ , and Maggie hated this. Kara deserved good things, and Maggie couldn't give her them, it wasn't even her place to tell her just how many good things she deserved.

"I think," Kara said, a little stiffly. "I think you underestimated him. He's very considerate. And I know there are a few . . . cultural differences, but I'll get used to them. If I relax more, I can get over my . . . issues. We're in love. And . . . you can fix things with Alex too."

Maggie flinched at that. But she couldn't look away from Kara's face, the composed coldness of it, over something else, something broken. It didn't feel like  _ Kara, _ open, warm, though her warmth was always tinged by sadness. She knew what that was like, she knew how it felt to love people, in spite of how hard it was to lose them. Kara was someone she loved now, who it would hurt to lose. But this coldness made it feel like she was already gone.

"Sure," Maggie said, not meaning any of it. "Congrats on the good sex."

"Thank you."

If Maggie had been a straight girl, if they'd been any sort of normal friends, she might have tried to dish at this point. Tell me about it, she'd say. How romantic was it? How steamy/kinky/thrilling was it? But she wasn't that girl, and Kara was closed off, tight, as if she was reciting a mantra to herself, keeping herself under control.

It all felt  _ wrong, _ not wrong in the way seeing Kara's lips wrap around Alex's cock had been wrong, a worse kind of wrong, the kind of wrong Maggie felt when she thought of Mon-El taking all of the wonderful things Kara offered and not appreciating them.  _ Cultural differences _ , she'd said.  _ You underestimated him. _

Kara looked exhausted, staring down into the middle distance, neither at the cliff nor the sea.

"Did he hold you after?" The words tumbled out of Maggie's mouth without permission.

Kara looked startled. "What?"

Maggie swallowed the lump in her throat.  _ She _ would have. She would have after-cared the fuck out of Kara. And Alex and Kara's whole relationship was 90% platonic aftercare. Alex would have loved her up like no one else could. She hated it that the closest she had gotten to wrapping Kara up in her and Alex's relationship had ended in shouting and tears and guilt--so much guilt. But if Kara was settling for this, it had to be good enough.  _ She had to make sure it was good enough. _

"Did he hold you? Did you talk? Did he tell you you were wonderful? Did he tell you that he loves you and that he cares about the same things you do and he wants to guard you from what you're afraid of? Did he appreciate the trust you gave him by letting yourself be vulnerable like that? Did it feel  _ good _ afterwards, or was it just an orgasm? Because, fuck, Kara, I have had some pretty great orgasms from people who treated me like crap and it did not mean that the sex was  _ good _ . It just meant that when they said shit after I'd come it hurt me more, so tell me, was it  _ good sex _ ?"

Maggie was yelling, she didn't want to be yelling, but she couldn't stop yelling. Oh god, why did she always want to protect the people who didn't want to be protected? Why couldn't she just not  _ care _ sometimes? Why couldn't she let people deal with their own shit?

Kara was crying. She was staring at Maggie, her big blue eyes glistening, the tears running down her cheeks, and fuck, now Maggie wanted to be crying, because things were fucked, they were fucked, and she just wanted to  _ help _ .

"He didn't--" Kara swallowed a lump in her throat. "He didn't do anything  _ wrong _ . But I didn't-- it just . . . it felt so cheap. If I ruined everything with you and Alex for  _ that _ ? It was so cheap and cost so much."

Oh fuck, it was about Alex. This was all Maggie's fault.

"You didn't ruin things. You  _ didn't _ . It was me, pushing where I shouldn't push, and walking blithely through people's boundaries because I forget they're there. Alex is fucked up about you and about her own sexuality and we were going to hit these bumps eventually. It was  _ my _ fault that we hit them with panache. I mean, giving your sister a blow job in her girlfriend's living room is the stuff of sex comedy. But she loves you, she's always going to love you. And Alex and I, we will  _ work it out _ , or we won't, but that's about us, not about you."

Kara shook her head, she shook it again. "It was me. I precipitated it."

Maggie leaned over and grabbed her thigh again. "It  _ wasn't you _ ."

Her quadricep was rock hard, but also warm and pliable and Maggie's breath caught in her chest like a trap had snapped shut on it. Kara stared at her, wide eyed. Maggie stared back. She made to release her grip, but Kara's hand came down on top of hers, holding it there, gentle and utterly unmovable.

"You didn't want me to practice on you," Kara said softly, a distress in her that Maggie couldn't label.

"Oh, I wanted it," Maggie said, unable to say anything else. She'd admitted it to Alex, she could admit her attraction to Kara too. "It . . . didn't seem like a good idea. Alex was probably a worse one."

Kara nodded.

"But I--" Maggie shook her head hard. "None of what I taught you had anything to do with that. Everything I told you is what everyone deserves to know. Everyone deserves to be treated well, and to feel comfortable and safe with their partners. And everyone deserves to be able to make their own choices about their body. You deserve--"

Kara's hand was on her cheek, and the words stopped. Maggie couldn't feel anything besides the warmth of Kara's fingertips, the press of her thumb into Maggie's chin. She couldn't see anything besides Kara's eyes, grey-blue and intense and  _ old _ . She didn't think she'd be able to see anything besides Kara's eyes ever again.

And then Kara's lips sealed over Maggie's. Maggie gasped as her skin burned from the rush of wind as Kara came so close so fast, but her kiss was warm and sweet and soft. Kara was kissing her.

Maggie kissed her back.

It lasted only seconds, but the seconds stretched to fill up the world. She'd wanted this for so long.

It was good, that was the thing. It was pure and sweet and good, but Maggie wasn't built for pure and sweet and good, and it was so easy to tilt her head, slide her fingers across Kara's cheek, and as her jaw went slack, part her lips, and make it  _ wet. _ Maggie knew the moment Kara felt it too, the just-too-hard clutch at her side, the way her mouth turned wanting, pulling, desperate. Maggie kissed her as hard as she could, because it was just once, because Alex had told her how sometimes Kara wanted to  _ feel _ things, in a way that wasn't the nothing of polite touches or the pain of rude ones, but was the kind of love strong enough to crack her ribs.

And then she let her go, placing her hand on Kara's chest as she drew back with just one last slow rub of lips across lips, making it clear she shouldn't follow, even though if she'd wanted to if wouldn't have stopped her for a moment. Kara blinked her eyes open. They were hazed, pupils blown. Maggie was breathless, and everything in her wanted to reach up and touch her mouth, feel the  _ evidence _ that this had happened, that this kiss was real. She needed to press her fingers into it, to try to feel if everyone could see the searing mark it felt like Kara had left there.

Kara's eyes searched her face. By not touching her mouth, Maggie could pretend she was unmoved. Kara's expression went from seeking to resignation, and then shame. But that was too much, too far. Maggie caught her hand, cupping it between both of hers and pulling it into her lap. "It's okay," she said, as gently as she could. "We're okay."

Kara's hand was soft in hers, unresisting. They sat on the bench, looking out at the sea, and Maggie didn't look over, making sure that if Kara wanted to cry she'd have the privacy to do so.

"I just-- I just wanted to know . . ." Kara said, her voice shadowy and rough.

"I understand," Maggie said.

Maggie glanced over. Kara's face was pale and drawn, her eyes flicked to Maggie's lips, as if there was some kind of beacon there, as if, maybe, trying it once wasn't enough. It wasn't, but more than once wouldn't just be a trial, it would be a promise, and Kara didn't need the guilt that would come from breaking that promise. Because she  _ would _ break it, because Maggie didn't deserve this. It was better just to let it go.

"I'm sorry," Kara said.

Then she gave Maggie's hand one last squeeze and flew off. After a few minutes Maggie walked slowly back to her empty apartment and collapsed on her face on her bed.

She didn't have enough strength in her to cry.


	13. Chapter 13

It had been a long drive back from Midvale. Alex considered going back to her apartment, but she needed to face this. Every mile of waiting made her more anxious and upset. She parked outside of Maggie's and found her key. She stared at it for a little while and turned it over in her fingers. Maggie hadn't made a thing of giving it to her, just threw it at her one day when she was leaving early for work and Maggie had a later shift but they had plans to go to one of Kara's game nights together that evening. Alex had complained that all her non-work clothes had migrated here, and Maggie had taken it off her keychain like she hadn't had to have it made specially or anything and thrown it at her. "Let yourself in if I'm not back yet."

Alex had stared at it, and then at her, and Maggie had met her gaze, steady but a little awkward. "Let yourself in whenever."

It didn't feel like that should apply now, but she unlocked the door anyways. Maggie's jacket had been tossed over the back of the couch and her Docs were by the door, but the apartment was silent.

Alex took off her own shoes and padded slowly to the bedroom. From the door she spied her quarry, stretched out on the bed.

"Hey," she said, softly.

Maggie lifted her head, blinked away the haze of afternoon sleep. Her eyes looked crackly, like maybe she'd been crying a bit. "'Lex?" she mumbled.

Alex lowered herself down on the bed beside her. "You napping? You never take naps unless you're sick."

Maggie curled into her, nuzzling into the skin of her neck. "You're back."

"Yeah," Alex slowly rubbed between Maggie's shoulder blades. "I missed you."

"Missed you too." Maggie leaned into her, breathing out softly, her body warm from sleep. "No more fighting."

"I'd like that." Alex really would like that. But she couldn't promise it. She knew Maggie would hate her for this, would feel betrayed and probably disgusted. She took a breath, and felt Maggie's eyes suddenly on her. They were wide and awake and worried, as if she knew what Alex was about to say.

"I have feelings for Kara."

"I kissed Kara."

The words came out at the same time. Alex stiffened in shock. Maggie . . . didn't.

She went still and frozen and  _ pained. _

"You--" Alex's heart had kicked like a horse in her chest. "You kissed her?"

She couldn't have named her feelings if asked. She'd seen them laughing together, close and snuggled up. It was easy to picture Maggie giving Kara a lazy grin, touching her chin, finding her lips, kissing her like she'd kissed her a hundred times before, kissing her like she kissed Alex, like it was easy.

"She kissed me. It was nothing. You're in love with her." The last sentence wasn't a question, Maggie sounded resigned. "You guys would be perfect together."

" _ No _ ," Alex wasn't sure how this had gotten all snarled up, but it  _ had _ . 'You guys would be perfect together' was not the response she'd expected from 'I'm in love with my foster sister.' Had Maggie been here all weekend waiting for Alex to dump her? But also-- " _ She _ kissed  _ you _ ?"

Maggie shook her head. "It was nothing," she repeated. "She just wanted to see what it was like. But I was clearly off my game. Didn't make an impression. She was just ending it. The teaching. She's worked things out with Mon-El. They've had  _ good sex _ , now. I  _ underestimated _ him."

Her tone was bitter, but her body language didn't hold the same strength. She looked hollow, curled up into herself. She looked . . . totally alone.

"Mags--" Alex couldn't touch her, not when she looked like that, like cracked glass. Kara had kissed her, and then told her she didn't need her, abandoned her. She was expecting Alex to do the same. But Alex had come here expecting to tell Maggie the truth about her feelings and have  _ Maggie _ be the one who left  _ her. _ "You were right when you guessed that I have feelings for Kara. I'm--" Alex almost choked on the next word. It felt filthy to say. "--attracted to her. But I'm not-- I'm not leaving, if you don't want me to. It's just a stupid crush anyway. It could never be anything. She's picked Mon-El, like you said. She doesn't need her sister confessing to her. I'll deal with it. You told me how. You live with it until it goes away." Maggie still didn't look up. " _ Maggie. _ I have feelings for Kara, but I'm in love with you too."

Alex hadn't intended to say the 'too.' She'd spent the drive working through this in her head. Kara was important, she would always be important, even after Alex got over thinking about her in a sexual way thing. But Maggie was someone she wanted around. It wasn't even about all the things Maggie had done for her, and there had been so many. Alex just  _ liked _ her, liked being around her, liked her bad jokes and easy grins. She felt good when she was near her, and didn't want to give that up. She didn't want to imagine  _ ever _ giving that up.

That was a difference, though, right? She couldn't live without Kara, but she didn't want to live without Maggie. But that wasn't  _ in love with them both _ , was it?

People didn't love multiple people at once. Or maybe they did. Maybe that was the only explanation for how she felt when she saw how hurt and scared Maggie was right now, and for the knowledge she'd had for years, that if Kara needed her, for anything, she'd be there in a heartbeat.

"Not like you love her."

Alex sat back and looked at her, the stubbornness on Maggie's face, the self-hatred in it. Maggie always wanted to be self-possessed, wanted to appear independent and carefree. But Alex blundered in, fucking things up all over the place, and figured out that she wasn't like that. She was scared and hurt and vulnerable. But she was always  _ good _ . She was scared and hurt and vulnerable in a lot of the same ways Kara was. And Alex . . . Alex had to look after them both the best she could. "I love Kara, but I don't need to be her everything. I'm fine if she only ever loves me the way she always has. I  _ want to be _ with you."

Maggie frowned. "You're not leaving me?"

Alex knew the answer to that. "No."

"Even after I made you--"

_ "No _ ," Alex snapped. "I don't give up on people I love. You were trying to help Kara, and it went wrong. My attraction wasn't something that I ever wanted to have to deal with, but maybe getting slapped in the face with it was good for me. Maybe . . . maybe now that I admitted how I feel about her, I can get over it."

"I dunno," Maggie said softly. "You said it. Kara makes everyone fall in love with her. And once you're in, you're kind of in. You never said anything about people getting out."

Alex remembered when she'd said those words, when she'd told Maggie that  _ Maggie _ was in love with Kara, when she hadn't even imagined them kissing, when the love was just the kind of love Kara garnered from everywhere, from her too, as if it could only be platonic, as if finding Kara attractive was something she'd shut so far down in herself that she'd disbelieved anyone else could do it either. She laughed in a sudden burst. "I never was immune, was I?"

"You wish you were so special." And the wryness was back in Maggie's voice.

Suddenly joyful, Alex tackled her, climbing on top of her and wrestling for dominance. She loved Kara, and Maggie loved Kara, and maybe Kara didn't want either of them, but it didn't matter, because Maggie was  _ hers _ .

"Alex!"

Alex pinned her. "I love you," she said. "I still can't believe you kissed her."

"I can't believe it either."

"Must have been a shock."

Maggie was grinning up at her, dimples in full evidence. "Sure. I was like, what the fuck is my life that I'm kissing  _ Supergirl _ on a park bench. If she hadn't apologized afterwards, I might have thought I was dead and had gone to heaven."

Alex touched Maggie's lower lip, gently, with the lightest finger-press. "Kara doesn't know what she's missing."

"I think she does, which was the whole point of her kissing me."

Alex stared at her for a long time. "I'm sorry she hurt you," she said.

Maggie smiled, her eyes still sad. "I'm used to falling for straight girls. Wish they didn't date such douchebags though."

Alex grimaced. But it was Kara's life. If Kara chose Mon-El over Maggie, Alex wasn't going to question her luck. "You mind if I kiss you too?"

"Never."

Alex found her lips and felt Maggie smile against them, and kissed her, warm and familiar and open.

Alex got it then, somehow. She'd been so scared that Maggie would think her feelings for Kara were a deal-breaker, that they made her untrustworthy or revealed just how much of a mess she really was. But Maggie had never judged her for being a fuck-up and a disaster. Maggie had feelings for Kara too, was attracted to her and cared for her. But it wasn't splitting them apart. If anything, it pulled them closer. She'd been honest. She trusted Maggie not to hurt her with the information. Maggie had been honest in return. You couldn't help how you felt, but you could be clear about your choices.

"Would you leave me for Supergirl if she decided she did want you?" Alex asked, almost rhetorically.

"Nah," Maggie mumbled into her shoulder. "But I'd ask if you were cool with me banging her too. Would you leave me for Kara if she decided to offer you the bouquet?"

Alex hesitated for a moment. "I'd do anything for Kara," she said softly. "But I don't think she'd ever ask me to hurt you. And I definitely wouldn't do it by choice. I want to keep you."

Maggie propped herself up on her elbow and looked at her. There was a new respect in her eyes, as if Alex had said something that was  _ adult _ in a way she usually wasn't about relationships. She nodded, just slightly, and then smiled. "You're all right, Danvers."

Alex made a face, embarrassed. This was really way more feelings talk than she wanted. She shucked off her shirt and started unbuttoning her jeans. "Look," she said, on her knees, her jeans loose and sliding down her thighs. "I want to eat you out, so please get your pants off."

Maggie snorted, but she was clearly startled. "What's the occasion?"

"My mom thinks you're a catch. I need to pass on the compliment."

Maggie smacked her arm and Alex wrestled her down again and out of her pants, then pinned her.

It still felt like a miracle that this was someone Alex was now. That she could touch people, and love people, and be open to feeling like this, to  _ wanting _ this.

For so long there had only been the parts of Alex that protected Kara and the parts of Alex that weren't good enough, that would be better gone. But Maggie made her feel that some of the parts of her that weren't all absorbed with protecting Kara were worth having. Maggie had made her someone new, someone she didn't hate being.

Somehow, she made it okay for Alex to be herself.


	14. Chapter 14

Her apartment was empty when Kara got home, which was a relief. Mon-El had left that morning, 'people to do, things to see' he'd said, joking, pleased with himself, kissing her and giving her ass a squeeze as he left, as if she was a gift he'd bought himself and he needed to keep checking its quality.

The grey day and quiet emptiness of the apartment was a relief, and Kara sank down on her sofa, pulling the blanket around herself, letting the tiredness wrap her up.

Maggie's mouth had been so soft--human soft--but also firm,  _ lush _ might have been the word. An ache had opened up in Kara's chest, as if her kiss was a drill-bit, grinding its way into her. Maggie's soft hiss of surprise at the press of her mouth, the stutter of her heartbeat, the way she'd clasped her side--

Kara wanted to be held.

That was the truth of it. She wanted Maggie wrapped up on one side of her and Alex's arms around her from the other direction. Sexual desire almost didn't matter. She just wanted to be there, in that safe space between them, assured of both of their love.

But that wasn't how it worked for humans. By inserting herself between them, she ripped them apart.

Rao, she hoped they would heal. She needed them to heal. She couldn't be responsible for Alex being sad and alone again, having had what she thought was her only chance to be loved taken away by Kara's selfishness. And seeing what that would do to Maggie's quiet closed off vulnerabilities would destroy Kara. She knew how Maggie dealt with unpleasant feelings, she knew that if she had no one to trust with them, she would close herself off and turn to diamond.

She had been so jealous of Maggie at first. Kara had been spoiled by Alex's single-minded devotion, her ever-willing, undemanding sacrifices. She'd thought that Maggie was taking Alex away from her. But she'd just been giving Alex something. And then she turned around and gave it to Kara to. Maggie had made her feel like she deserved to be loved. Deserved to be loved  _ well _ .

Alex did deserve that.

But Kara didn't.

That was what was so foolish about human culture. They put sex and romance above so many other things. But what was important was family. Obligations. Keeping your promises. She was with Mon-El. Maggie was Alex's and Alex was Maggie's.

Getting lost in the gasps and panting Alex had made as she'd slowly worked the end of the dildo against the seam of her jeans had been a violation of her duty to family. So had been kissing Maggie.

But it had felt so good to be told that she deserved to be loved well.

Mon-El wanted to. He wanted her. He was trying. She was the one who was wrong, who didn't know how to get out of her head and stay in her body, who didn't know how to feel his affection. She shouldn't be revolted by his penis. It was part of him, it was long and hot and thick and all of the things it was supposed to be. She should love it. She should know how to love it, how to take pleasure from it. But she kept failing, if not physically than emotionally, as if she couldn't get the two to line up.

Why was this a problem? Mon-El had no trouble pleasing other women. What was wrong with  _ her? _

Abruptly, Kara flew to the corner where she'd thrown the bag Maggie had given her, containing the dildo and condoms. She found the KY by the bed and returned to the couch.

The cock fit snugly in her hand. Maggie had told her she needed to know herself. She needed to know what she liked and disliked and be able to communicate that. She swallowed, working up more saliva in her mouth

Maggie was right. She was always right. And she was so fiercely earnest about taking care of Kara, when if Kara could do anything it was take care of herself. She might need a little help with alien invasions, but romance really didn't have such a high threat level. If Kara got hurt, she got hurt. It was fine. But she'd had enough of hurting other people. Like Alex, like James. She'd hurt Mon-El too, eventually, if she never figured out how to appreciate the pleasure he offered.

Slowly, Kara rolled a condom down the dildo. She held it to her mouth, pressing her lips against it, wrapping her tongue around the tip. Mon-El would love that. He'd love that she desired him enough to pleasure him in that way. Even if he said something dumb, that was what he'd mean. His most special, most sensitive part, in her mouth. It was nothing like it had been practicing with Alex. Alex hadn't even been able to feel her mouth, except indirectly. Alex hadn't exposed herself to Kara, hadn't offered her something vulnerable in the hope that she would love it. It would be  _ better _ with Mon-El.

Kara tilted her head back and pushed the cock into her mouth, sucking on it. She relaxed, parted her lips, relaxed her jaw, and pushed in further, until it hit the back of her throat. Maggie had told her not to do this, to not let anyone fuck her throat, but it didn't hurt as she pressed the cock further and further. It ached a little, cut off her breath and made her afraid she would choke, but the act of offering this to him, of allowing him such deep penetration into a vulnerable area, wasn't it the same as him offering his cock for her to take in her mouth, between her teeth? With long slow strokes, delving in and drawing out, he would fuck her mouth. The dildo grated against her velum, inflaming her throat, making her ache and cough and if she were less invulnerable, perhaps even find it hard to speak the next day. That might please Mon-El too. She wanted to show signs of what she'd given him, how good she was, how much she loved him.

She'd offer her vagina too, of course. But he needed to take it as an offering, not as a given. Kara shucked her jeans and underwear and pulled her legs back up on the couch, hunching over herself to see the vee between her legs. She felt her way to the cleft, to the sensitive nub and spread lube inside her folds. It wouldn't hurt, and yet she still wanted it to be gentle, slow. It was an offering to her lover, an uncovering of something secret. She could see Maggie there, lying against her, fingertips tracing up her inner thigh, then sliding between her legs, slow and gentle, parting her with the pad of her thumb. She'd thank Kara for trusting her, and evaluate how wet she was, how much lube was necessary to make sure Kara felt nothing but good. Kara pressed her fingers flat against her clit, ground circles against it, felt herself get wetter. Maggie would slip a finger into her, feel Kara's walls clutch around her.  _ No, not yet, _ she'd murmur, she'd kiss her and stroke her neck and press their bodies together until Kara was ready, until she was more than ready, until she was aching for touch. Maggie would know. She'd smirk.  _ No, not yet _ , she'd say again, and Kara would whine and rut against her thigh, begging, wordlessly, for more.

Kara's own fingers found no resistance. The stretch and pressure made her groan. She bit her lip, removed her fingers, and nudged the head of the cock into her. She bit her lip as she pushed it in deeper. It felt-- strange, rubbery and alien, but also good. This moment, the moment of penetration, she wanted it to linger. Mon-El's thrusting once he was already inside didn't make her feel like this. This was where she was swollen and sensitive. This was where--

_ Alex's eyes, wide and astonished, her fingers on Kara's hot, swollen folds. Alex would be gentle, would never get so absorbed in herself that her own pleasure took primacy over Kara's comfort. Her dilated pupils, aroused and intent, her uncertainty, they made Kara's heart pound with excitement. She'd grip her cock firmly, frowning with concentration, and push it into Kara, never looking away from her face, never seeing anything but her. She'd go slow, so slow, slow enough that Kara would gasp and arch and rock, wanting more, now, wanting everything, but Alex would keep going, micrometer by micrometer, stretching her until she fit so snugly inside Kara that there was no space between them. Kara would never want her to draw out, just wrap her up in her arms, filling her, Kara's channel gripping her tight. _

Kara had fed the dildo into herself just as slow and steady as she'd imagined it. It was big, and it felt good inside her, so fucking good in a way that Mon-El's dick never had. He was too fast, she realized. That made sense. Kara's skin was resilient to force. A rough fuck would feel like nothing, but long and slow and deep, oh  _ Rao. _ She gripped the end, pulsing the cock into her, just fractionally. Alex wouldn't thrust roughly into her. She'd wrap herself around her, their legs tangled together, hips rocking against each other. Not fucking, just desperate, intent rutting.

Kara shifted, getting on her knees. She dropped forward, supporting herself on one hand, and pulled up to lever the head of the dildo down so it hit her front, where she was most sensitive. She gasped, a voiced cry. She worked at it again, pulsing the cock in small and quick movements. What had Maggie said about Alex that time--tied her up and slipped her one-- Half floating, still working the dildo inside of her with one hand, she parted her ass cheeks with one lubed up finger of the other. Squirming awkwardly to manage to coordinate both hands. She slid her fingertip up into her butt, finding the rippled area, slipping over it, then back, then pressing in--  _ Maggie would do this for her. Maggie's fingers in her ass, Alex's dick in her cunt _ , and  _ oh, fuckfuckfuckfuck. _ She clenched on it, clenched hard on the cock, and wailed as she came.

She collapsed face-first on the couch, the dildo still buried deep inside her, her fingers withdrawing from her ass, and groaned. The penetration still felt good. She could come again, she thought. Maggie would know that. Maggie would make Alex draw partway out, then slide in again. Kara rolled onto her back and drew the cock out halfway, then pushed it in again, over and over again. Her hips started thrusting up to meet it. Rao, she did want to get fucked. She wanted to get fucked so hard. She wanted Alex's dick in her face now too, while she was being pounded, she wanted to wrap her mouth around it, pleasure her-- _ him, in the beanie and jeans, a handsome boy with a hard cock that needed her. _ She'd seal her mouth around him and he'd whimper and cry out. Could she get her hands on Maggie's tits at the same time? Her face? Fuck.

She came again, forcing the dildo as deep inside her as she could, and her eyes went wide, erupting with laser vision and burning a black patch into the ceiling. She dropped back onto the couch, sweaty and sticky and aching a little between her legs. She slowly unflexed her hand and saw how the base of the dildo had warped under her grip. She swallowed and slowly drew it out of her.

The feelings and thoughts that had wrapped her up while masturbating trickled away in shimmering streams. She stared up at the hole she'd made in the ceiling, and the truth hit her, heavy and undeniable.

Maggie had been kind, but she was wrong. Even if Kara deserved a better relationship, she couldn't have one. She had to make this work with Mon-El, because he was the only person she wouldn't kill if she tried to fuck them.

He was the only choice she had.

#


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I know this is a little brutal right now. It will probably continue to be a bit depressing for at least a few more chapters, so if you are feeling vulnerable, you may want to hold off until the end and read all in one go.

When Kara looked at her phone, Alex had texted.

_ Hey, can we talk? <3 _

It was all gentle, like she knew Kara was scared she'd ruined things between them. Kara didn't respond to the text. She didn't know how to.

Mon-El was out all night. Kara lay sleepless, staring at the hole in the ceiling, at the heavy truth it held. In the morning, Kara followed Alex's heartbeat without thinking. She found Alex sitting outside a coffee shop near the DEO, a cup of hot coffee in her hands, her hair, unstyled, falling loosely over the side of her face. Maggie was there too, Maggie with her aw-shucks smile and her slightly dipped shoulders, her whole body saying I've taken shit before and I will again but I'll forgive you. Kara had given her a pile of shit the other day. She didn't deserve to be forgiven.

Alex was watching Maggie, with a warmth in her eyes that was too much like how she'd always looked at Kara before. I love you, and I'll protect you, even if what I have to protect you from is feeling sad. There was something unburdened about Alex, as if she'd figured things out, as if she'd figured out that Maggie was everything she needed.

That was good. They were back together. Kara hadn't ruined them. It still felt like someone had stuck a fist in her chest and twisted.

She showed up at the DEO as Supergirl a few hours later to talk to Alex. It should have been safer. Agent Danvers was her favorite Agent, but she wasn't _Alex_. Alex didn't let her be Alex. Only this time, when she wooshed into the room Agent Danvers was in, in her lab coat, doing _science_ , it was Alex who whirled around and looked at her.

Agent Danvers never wore her anxiety on her face. She never let herself be shy or vulnerable. But this, big dark eyes and nervous tension in every limb, was definitely Alex. And, like Alex, when she saw Kara, recognized her, she relaxed, like Kara's presence had made an empty part of herself click into place. Her shoulders dropped, and her face lit up, like Kara was always the person she wanted most to see.

Or at least that was how Kara had always read it before. It had made her feel at home. If Alex needed her, she was meant to be here, on earth. Even without Krypton there was somewhere she still belonged. But maybe that wasn't the way she should have been reading it. Maybe that was what had caused all of these problems in the first place. Thinking Alex was hers was what had caused the problems.

But she hadn't thought Alex was hers  _ like that _ .

Not until . . .

Kara realized she was standing, wordless like an idiot,  gawping at Alex. That was wrong. She needed to be seeing Agent Danvers in front of her,  not the kid on the chair with the beanie over his ... her ... their eyes, not anyone who would make those soft little sounds, half-surprise and half-arousal, not anyone who would care about Kara's lips wrapped around a fake cock, not anyone who would  _ love her _ _ .  _ But words just didn't come.

Alex's cheeks had gotten pink. She ducked her head a little, a strand of hair falling across her face. "Kar--" She cut herself off, but her saying Kara not Supergirl meant a lot in this context--a lot of things that just made Kara hurt even more. "Supergirl, can I speak to you in private for a moment?"

She still didn't sound like Agent Danvers. She was too anxious. Her heart was beating out a rapid time.

Kara nodded, not trusting her voice.

Alex ducked off into a small side office, so narrow and cramped that Kara was uncomfortable being in there with her. They had to be close, so close that Kara couldn't avoid smelling Alex--sweat and embarrassment and the gently scented shampoo that Kara had told her back when they were kids wasn't too offensive to her nose.

"Hey," Alex stuck her hand in her hair. "Kara. Oh man. I don't even know--"

"I'm sorry for taking advantage," Kara said, stiffly. She needed to get this over with. She needed to put this aside and make sure that they had a chance to get back to normal. She needed them to be normal again, even if it would take a long time, even if normal was no longer everything she wanted. It was all she could ask for. It was more than she deserved.

Alex's eyes went wide. "What?"

"You were in a vulnerable position, and I--"

" _ Kara, _ " Alex blurted. "You did nothing wrong."

Kara begged to differ, and she was pretty sure her face showed it.

"It was me. I totally overreacted. I was embarrassed." Alex rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. "You know how bad I am with sex stuff. I couldn't handle you seeing it. I felt humiliated, doing _that_ in front of you."

' _ That _ ' Kara remembered. Coming. ' _ That. _ ' The most beautiful thing she'd seen in her life.

"You don't need to be."

"I know." Alex put her hand on her face, ducking her head, still embarrassed. 

Disappointment filled Kara's stomach. It made sense, it was fine, of course Alex was awkward about sex, she always had been. Of course she would be humiliated by having a sexual response in the presence of her little sister. But Kara wished she was embarrassed for other reasons, wished she'd admitted something else. 

Alex peeked up at her, offering a wry smile. "I mean, it's not like you haven't seen me doing stuff on accident before, right?"

Kara went stiff. "I _will_ ask before watching." She'd thought she'd figured out these human boundaries, but she'd made _Maggie_ uncomfortable by watching them have sex. She hadn't though anything made Maggie uncomfortable. She was such a fuck up. She was always getting this wrong.

Alex's eyes went wide.

Kara froze. Maggie hadn't told her about Kara's voyeuristic incident, had she? She wouldn't elaborate. After a certain point, honesty just hurt.

Slowly, very slowly, Alex resettled. She still seemed uncomfortable and uncertain, but she'd seemed uncomfortable and uncertain for the whole interaction. "I know you talked to Maggie after I left. I just-- I had to take some time out and think about this. But I think I'm even more ashamed because I overreacted so much. I was trying to help. I wanted to help you with this stuff. And in the end I just made it worse."

There were no defenses in those words, just quiet shame and its recounting. Kara knew she was the only person Alex spoke to like that, the only one to whom she offered her contrite confessions. Like always, the only thing Kara wanted to do was offer solace and reaffirm her unconditional love. "You didn't," she said. "You made up with Maggie."

Alex nodded. "I'm so glad I have her. She's so good at dealing with messes like me." She tipped her head slightly, offering the slightest of smiles. "Like us?"

Kara laughed suddenly, surprised at the invitation into Maggie's affections. She nodded, though she kept the memory of Maggie's lips against hers close to her chest. "She's way too good at it."

"Hard not to fall for that kind of compassion."

Kara nodded. "You're hard not to fall for yourself, you know."

Alex scoffed.

"I love how . . . soft you get with her." The first word on Kara's tongue had been 'pliant,' but somehow she was pretty sure Alex wouldn't take it as a compliment. Not that soft went over too well either. Alex scrunched her nose. "You trust her," Kara tried to clarify. "And even when she asks you to do things that are completely not something you're comfortable with, you consider it. Sometimes, against your better judgment, you even do it."

"Like be a sex-chair for my sister," Alex grumbled.

The 'sister' hit like a knife. It never had before, but now, suddenly, it did. Alex was Kara's sister because Kara loved her. But now Kara loved her in a way that meant Alex calling her 'sister' was a gap and a slap and a warning. The amount Kara loved her hadn't changed, but wanting to show that love through sex was marked out-of-bounds by the use of that word. When Alex said it now, after what had happened, it meant, I love you, but I don't want you . It was a rejection, and that  _ hurt _ .

She could get over it. She'd asked Winn to get over her, James to get over her, and they'd pouted at first, but then they'd borne up like champs. The love was the important part. The sex was ancillary. It wasn't as if she could offer Alex sex anyway. She would just end up hurting her if she tried to touch her. But _still_ , Kara wanted Alex to want her. How selfish was that? She wanted Alex to say, 'I freaked out because I'm attracted to you. Although I've seen you as a sister for so long, I want you as a lover.' Then, charmingly, Kara could say back nearly what she'd said to James. "I love you and want you too, but I can't trust myself with touching you intimately, so you must restrain your desire, and long for me with no hope of consummation." Terrible. It was better this way. It was better that Alex not want her. Kara could deal with her improper feelings on her own.

"You were an excellent sex-chair."

Alex groaned even louder.

"Thank you," Kara said softly, "for trying, for me."

Alex looked up at her, her gaze intense, eyes so dark and so beautiful. "I'll always try for you. And-- having that breakdown and outburst was good for me. I . . . dealt with a lot of things I didn't want to face. I feel like I might need  to set  a few boundaries, like  ' no actual sex acts even if they're practice, ' but I am here for you. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me and Maggie about  _ anything _ , including sex. I know you-- broke things off with Maggie, but I want you to know that you didn't have to. You and me and Maggie are a team, and we help each other, and Maggie is probably the best sex advice guru we both have, so you should feel comfortable coming back and hanging with us and telling us about your life. You-- you're  _ ours _ , Supergirl." Alex gave a shy smile. "You've always been mine. But Maggie loves you too. So now you're ours."

Kara couldn't breathe, the words too close to what she wanted, and too far away all at the same time. Maggie hadn't told Alex about the voyeurism, but it seemed she had told her about the kiss. That was good. No secrets--well, fewer secrets. But even though the offer was a beautiful one, Kara knew she couldn't accept it. She wouldn't ask for help again. She'd learned her lesson about opening that part of herself up to their kindness, but she was still grateful for the offer.

"Thanks, Alex."

Alex made an abortive gesture, then frowned, and stepped in, throwing her arms around Kara's shoulders and wrapping her up in a hug. Kara hugged her back, loving the way Alex took topside of the hug, like she wanted to be sure Kara felt safe and secure, totally wrapped up in her arms.

But Kara's hands fit so well around her waist. It was so easy to pull her in, hold her tight, breathe in her scent. Kara ached to press her mouth under Alex's ear, kiss her in a sensitive spot, trace her fingertips down the hollow of her spine, tease her until she gasped and drew back, her eyes sparkling and lips parted, until she went pliant under Kara's hands, until she sighed and relaxed, and let herself be touched.

Kara couldn't touch her like that though, so when it felt like a reasonable amount of time, Kara extracted herself from the hug. Alex held on for a moment, an unfamiliar look on her face, but then she smiled softly and released her, and Kara . . .

Kara went home.

Mon-El showed up that evening with a tower of cupcakes taller than his head. He was smiling, hopeful, offering them to her, and Kara found herself laughing at the absurdity. On them was written, one letter per cupcake, in flowery icing decorated with candied violets: "Congrats on the Sex."

"What _is_ this?" Kara asked, hardly able to get the words out around her need to laugh at such a dorky gesture.

"Hey," Mon-El said with a charming but goofy grin. "It went good the other night. You can’t fool me. I know what it means when a pussy is clutching around my hammer like that."

"So you wanted to congratulate me?"

He set the cupcakes down and rubbed the back of his head, suddenly seeming shy and a little sweet. "I wanted to congratulate  _ us. _ "

Kara gave a little nod and ate a cupcake. It was good.

She ducked her head and gave him her best alluring look. She felt shy, and usually she just plowed through things that made her nervous head on, but that ended up with her ordering him around, and he didn't like that, so overtly shy it was. "I have a little something for you too," she said.

He perked up, eyes wide. "Really? Is it what I think it is?" At her nod, he batted his eyelids. "How would you like me?"

"Mmm, naked," Kara said. "And lie down on the bed."

He pranced away, de-shirting himself and flexing to show off his hard torso and skinny arms.

When she climbed onto the bed and wrapped her lube-slick hand around his half hard cock and lowered her mouth to lick up the flavor of mint chocolate chip ice cream, she felt comfortable. She knew what to do.

She'd been well taught.

Time for her practical exam.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I am sorry for going AWOL for so long and making people worry. Things are okay where I am and I hope you all are staying safe as well.
> 
> I was a little distressed when I realized just how dark this fic was getting and that it was getting to be too much for some readers, so I had to step back and take a look at what was coming up. This current chapter is really the lowest point, and I realized that it just wasn't working. So I had four betas read it. I rewrote it three times. This section has been a bit of a struggle and I'm still not entirely sure if it's the best it can be, but it is what it is, and I am hoping the edits on the next few chapters will go more easily.
> 
> BUT, this chapter did not get any less dark in the editing process! It really has some horrible stuff going on in it, and so TW for Extremely Dubious Consent and lots of shame and humiliation. I am pretty skittish about posting it, so if you feel like you might be upset or distressed by it, I encourage you to put yourself first and do something that will bring you joy instead.

There were things about having a boyfriend that Kara liked. She liked to have someone to cuddle with her on the couch, someone to welcome her home. Mon-El enjoyed his tv and food and beer with the same gusto that she did, even if their tastes didn't always align. She liked lazy kisses, and she liked sex. When he listened and entered her slowly, when he remembered the positions that worked for her, when she kept her mind focused on arousing beautiful things-- like a collar tight around a pale column of throat, like the imagined softness of round brown breasts--as he pressed into her, she could enjoy that pleasure she'd sought. She didn't always come, but she knew how to push the memories of the sex down into a little box in her head, so she didn't have to think about them, and they didn't linger, making her feel sick and filthy. It was just sex. She didn't have to feel anything at all.

She'd learned her lesson well. Sex didn't have to make her vulnerable, not if she chose not to be, not if she remembered that it wasn't  _ important. _

One of the best things about being comfortable with Mon-El as her boyfriend was that it came with lowered expectations. She could eat as messily as she wanted, he'd come out of the shower naked, scratching his balls, they'd both forget they had plans, and the apologetic text messages were so frequent they autogenerated on their phones.

It was normal.

Sometimes she went out to lunch with Lena and talked about these little boring annoyances in their relationship. How he didn't always listen, and didn't shower enough, and left messes everywhere. Lena would smile and roll her eyes and nod, confirming that it was normal. That was just what guys were like. She shouldn't expect anything more.

Kara sometimes wondered if Lena only dated boys, because she  _ looked _ at girls in a way that made Kara a little nervous. But she'd only ever admitted to boys, and Kara didn't press. She was faintly worried that if she asked, Lena would say something like 'well, actually I don't date anyone because wealth leaves me cold and alone' which would be typically melodramatic for her. So Kara didn't ask. Lena just smiled and said that Mike was cute, and how was the sex? They'd had a few bumps at the beginning, Kara had said, but they'd figured it out, and Lena nodded, then leaned in and told an awkward story about her dead ex, who had to be trained how to kiss, and Kara felt bad for her, because she'd really liked him, and Supergirl hadn't been able to save him.

Kara had everything she'd wanted. She had a boyfriend. She'd had pleasurable sex. She had a friend she could talk to about normal human things in her life. So why did it all feel like loss?

That was an easy question to answer too. It was because she'd had a taste of something else, something she might like better, and it had been taken away. Mon-El didn't really like hanging out with Maggie and Alex, which was also a relief. Maggie was awkward around Kara now, always keeping Alex between them, or clearly holding back something she wanted to say. Kara missed the comfort of their time on the sofa, laughing about the vagaries of human sexual behavior. (In retrospect, she should have seen it for what it was--a crush. She'd been crushing on Maggie  _ so hard. _ ) She missed the firm comfort of Maggie's hand on her back as she walked her into the clinic. But she didn't deserve her kindness and affection, not after throwing herself like a grenade into the middle of Maggie and Alex's relationship and making everyone so upset. 

And Alex--Alex tried. Alex  _ loved _ her, but being loved by Alex while being carefully put in a box marked 'danger: no touching' hurt too much.

So Kara just didn't see them as much.

But that was fine. She had a boyfriend. She had everything she'd thought she wanted. 

It had to be enough.

That meant that she usually ended up going out with Mon-El and his friends. They were a crowd of other male Daxamian refugees who she didn't like very much. (Kara wasn't sure why there were only male Daxamian refugees, but she felt sure she wouldn't like the answer. Mon-El was fine, but the culture of Daxam made her sick.) They seemed like an amorphous blob to her, all macho posturing and casual sexism. But when she tried to call them out on it or do anything to make their company less unpleasant, Mon-El would  _ look _ at her, shocked and a little hurt, as if she'd done something deeply culturally insensitive. She'd get embarrassed and pull back, staying silent and quiet, an ornament on his lap.

He seemed so hurt when she didn't want to go out with them. "I feel like you’re ashamed of me--of us. I want you to come hang out with my friends, go out in public. I want people to know you're my girl."

It wasn't fair to tell him no, that she'd rather no one know she was dating him. It was too close to saying she was dating him because he was the least distasteful of the people she wouldn't accidentally hurt during sex. And that wasn't why she was with him, not the  _ only _ reason why. She still liked hanging out with him, and when he smiled at her, his earnest, little boy smile, it made her feel warm inside. But she didn't really like who he was around his friends. She didn't feel like his girlfriend around them. She felt like his prize.

With his friends, the only place she was allowed to sit was in his lap. It was always too crowded, he was always pulling her onto him, where she could feel his half-hard cock against her ass. He let his hands roam over her in front of them. And they looked at her, tracking his hands, sneering as he settled her on top of him, hungry and a little vengeful. They were Daxamians, and though she'd  _ asked _ Mon-El to be careful, he'd winced and said oops. They knew she was Supergirl. The only small blessing was that he never used her full name around them, so even if they knew he was dating Supergirl, they didn't know he was dating Kara Danvers.

He wasn't really good with secrets.

Sometimes Maggie and Alex were at the alien bar when she was there with Mon-El. Those times she'd go over and hang out with them, because when they were watching, it felt dangerous to be near Mon-El. She couldn't help feeling that she'd told Maggie too much about her relationship. She trusted Maggie to not spread her business around, but she still couldn't bear the thought of Maggie's eyes on her and Mon-El together. And Alex-- Alex couldn't understand the idea that in some ways, Kara just wasn't meant to be happy. She would fight heaven and earth to make Kara happy. But just like she couldn't bring Krypton back to life, she couldn't fix the world to make it perfect for Kara, and she couldn't fix Mon-El to make him perfect either. 

Alex couldn't accept that anything less than perfectly happy was enough for Kara, but Kara had never been perfectly happy since she was a child. Growing up was getting used to the idea that happy had a hollow place inside, and that grief and longing just became a gentle background after a while. Maggie and Alex would think that it was Mon-El who was making her unhappy, when the real source of pain was wanting things she couldn't have.

Mon-El made her happy enough.

When Mon-El went out with his friends alone, he'd come home drunk and horny. He'd find her, wherever she was, whatever she was doing, and rub his hands all over her, rub his hips into her, the stiffness of his cock a vanguard against her ass. He was happy and playful when doing it, but he didn't hear the word no. He just kept bothering her, nagging and pleading and then acting hurt, like he was so sad that his offering of his liquor-soaked libido was unwelcome.

After a while she just got tired of fending him off and she'd let him kiss her and fondle her breasts and then poke his way into her underwear and up her cunt with his fingers and then hoist her up (she floated a little to help him) to fuck her. He never remembered to go slow or that she didn't like him touching her breasts when he was drunk. But that was fine. It meant it was over faster.

Lena rolled her eyes when Kara told her about this, though in much more euphemistic terms than she would have told Maggie. " _ Guys _ ," she'd said, like it was always this way, and Kara stared into her kombucha, hearing Maggie's voice in her head.  _ You deserve someone who will notice when you're not happy, who will listen when you say you don't want something.  _ Everyone  _ deserves that _ . It seemed pretty clear though, that even if everyone deserved it, few people actually got it. It was normal to put up with some things you didn't want to have a relationship. It was  _ fine _ .

Even when she was up for it and it wasn't an inconvenience, she got tired. It was the little things, his casual requests, that shamed her and wore her down. "Can you keep your Supergirl outfit on while blowing me?" He gave her thigh high stockings, all lacy, so she'd look 'pretty' when they were fucking. He'd step back and look at her when he'd jizzed on her face or in her hair or on her belly. Then he'd give a slow slight smile and say, "I'm so glad you're mine."

At times like these it didn't feel like he was glad to be in a relationship with her. It felt-- it felt like he wasn't even with  _ her _ , like he was with the public image of Supergirl instead, the imaginary thing that Cat Grant had created to take ownership of her.

But she  _ was  _ Supergirl, half person, half ideal, and when he kissed her and cooked for her and put his feet in her lap on the couch he was with the person. Surely she could deal with him wanting to sleep with the ideal.

Eventually, she lost the energy to tell him no. She'd blow him without a condom, even when the thought made her stomach sick. She'd let him climb on top of her and push in however he felt like, when she was too tired to try to find a way it would feel good. And then, one night, he was sliding in and out of her from behind, and he put his hand on the small of her back, his thumb on her asscrack and said, so gentle, "Can I? Please?"

She was so tired. "Go slow," was all she managed.

For the first time without her having to ask he hurried to put on a condom and slick it with lube. He nestled the tip in, and obediently, slowly, waited for her to relax. Then he pushed in. He hissed audibly when the head popped through. Kara gulped. Her stomach flipped. She felt both nauseated and aroused at the same time. He pushed in further, slow and aching, opening her like a surprise gift. His penis was strange and unfamiliar and  _ present _ inside her. It didn't  _ hurt,  _ because nothing hurt her, but it felt like a foreign body lodged in a place it didn't belong, it felt like she needed to push it out, it felt--

It felt good. She'd fingered herself there before. She knew she liked it. But what she couldn't bear was  _ him _ knowing she liked it. A wash of shame came over her. She squeezed her eyes shut, clamped her jaw, clutched at the blankets, demanding herself to not make any noise, to not let on that this deep aching stretch of his cock inside her felt good.

"Rao, yes," he hissed. "You're  _ mine _ . You're  _ mine _ ."

He grabbed her hard by the hips, forgetting his promise to go slow, too thrilled and eager, knowing he had this, he  _ had _ her, another prize, something she'd never wanted to give him. That was good, though, if he went fast, if he didn't ride in and out of her like the twist and squeak of a corkscrew in a bottle, like the deep slow drawn-out attention she wanted, she wouldn't like it, she wouldn't gush and beg and need to thrust her fingers between her legs for just that little more stimulation. She would  _ not  _ let him know she liked this. She couldn't-- she couldn't bear the way she knew he'd grab her ass and grin at her and tell his friend she was an anal girl ( _ ass slut  _ behind her back). Her fingers tore rents in the mattress as he forced himself in and out of her, and she clenched her jaw against the urging of his eager, poking cock, and she cried.

He didn't notice. He came hard, explosively, in a way he hadn't since she'd gotten more comfortable with sex. He'd clutched at her afterwards, his hands rough, and laughed into her back. "Oh fuck, that was so good. You're so tight, Kara. I bet you're the first Kryptonian in generations to be game enough for that." He grabbed her ass cheek and growled into her ear. "I'm going to  _ live _ in there. Better get ready. I'm  _ never _ going to get enough of that booty."

He rolled away from her, peeling off his condom with a yuck face, and flopped back onto the bed, looking beatific.

She slipped out of bed and into the shower, trying to get the feeling of it  _ out _ , get the memories of it out, scrubbing her face to get rid of the tracks of her tears. When she stepped back into the bedroom, he was snoring, the orgasm having put him right to sleep.

Kara got dressed, slipped out of the apartment, and flew.

Alex and Maggie were still up, watching TV on the couch, and Kara landed silently on their fire-escape. She expected to go unnoticed, to watch them warm and familiar and caring, tangled up together, in a relationship that was  _ worth _ something. But Alex looked up, as if she could hear the lightest touch of Kara's foot on the fire escape.

Caught, Kara didn't move as Alex came to the window and opened it. "Hey," she said softly-- but no, Kara looked again, Alex was in sweats, hair tucked up in a beanie, a binder keeping his chest in an unfamiliar shape under his white t-shirt. Something in Kara ached for the gentleness of being with someone who would let you be yourself like this, let you  _ seek _ yourself, rather than expecting you to be someone and then being confused when you weren't. "Hey," Kara said back. "Just-- passing by."

"Want to come in? We're just watching Terminator, and we have ice cream, if you want some."

It was too nice. Kara found it so hard to keep the feelings from welling up in her again, the tears. She forced them down and mock glared at Alex. She knew about the criminal things Maggie had gotten him into. "Vegan ice cream?"

"It's sorbet!" Maggie yelled from the couch.

Feeling soft and quiet in their presence, the shameful encounter before seemed to fall away, and Kara slipped inside. She was tugged to the couch, given ice cream (she was just fucking with Maggie these days. It was difficult though, knowing that really good food, like the things Maggie valued, was hard come by and expensive; it made her feel guilty for eating as much as she did, even though Maggie's food tasted so much better than the cheap, overly sweet, chemically flavored treats Kara could afford) and a blanket was placed over her legs. Alex pushed against her side, his arm around her shoulders in a funny boyish way that Kara faintly remembered from when they were younger, before something had shifted and Alex had drawn into herself, becoming stiff and careful with her hands. Maggie put her feet in Kara's lap, almost like a joke or a test, to see whether she was welcome--whether her touch was welcome, after all of the strange encounters between them. Kara gathered her closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and drawing her in until Maggie's knees were scrunched up and her chin fell on her collarbone. She felt Maggie tense, and then relax. Kara breathed in the scent of her silky hair, remembered the press of her mouth, the warmth, the surprise.

The guilt had faded at some point. Kissing Maggie felt like a good memory now, a moment where she'd been able to hope. Even after the mess with Alex, she'd still been able to hope.

Kara wouldn't be afraid to share her pleasure with Maggie. Maggie's matter of factness about sex, her real, bright pleasure when Kara found something she liked, the surprised flush on her cheeks when something Kara did aroused her--Kara didn't know what Maggie would do or say if she asked for anal sex, but whatever it was, Kara knew it wouldn't make her feel ashamed. ( _ Even if what she did was make Alex wear the strap on.) _

But that wasn't an option, so she pushed it out of her head and let herself just be.

The movie was old and full of exploding things, but fun, and for a while, Kara let herself forget about Mon-El, forget that she ever had to go back to him. Alex stayed close, fingers twining in her hair; Maggie let her head rest against Kara's shoulder as she dozed through the movie. Kara was happy here. These were her friends, her family. She loved them. If she had them, she could handle anything.

She didn't need anything more.

#


	17. Chapter 17

It hadn't been easy to watch Kara pull away with the kind of polite ghosting that Maggie had been through too many times. They'd only just started being friends, her and Kara, but Kara was generous when she was thinking about you, and the text chains were already long and filled with pictures of ugly but adorable puppies, delicious-looking food, and the occasional snap of a passer-by with an interesting hat and 'sexy?' written underneath. But slowly, Kara's name slipped down the list of recents. She didn't text Maggie anymore.

She'd drawn back from Alex too, and that made Maggie angry. This hadn't been Alex's fault. No, the disaster was down to Maggie and her stupid ideas, her pretend confidence when it came to 'expressing herself sexually,' and her inability to deal with the consequences of her own attraction. Alex forgot, sometimes, that things with Kara were just not right anymore, and would text her, excited, when they had good food or a movie or anything fun to share. When Kara didn't respond, she'd get anxious and twitchy and sad. Then the text would come. "So sorry! Busy!" And Alex's good mood would leak away. She'd would sit by herself in the corner of the couch, swirling whatever alcohol Maggie had around in her cup--even though it was never bourbon, because Maggie didn't drink hard liquor--and brood. (There were small favors. Alex still stayed at Maggie's those nights. She didn't go home to drink by herself.) Sometimes Maggie would put her head on her lap and let Alex tangle her fingers in her hair, and they would be sad together.

"Is it something I'm doing?" Alex said one night. "Is it-- obvious?"

Maggie closed her eyes and pressed her face against Alex's belly. "No," she mumbled into her flesh. She'd been here before. A girl, a friend, who'd been warm and kind suddenly turning cold with one gossipy whisper in her ear. You hadn't changed at all, but they'd never look at you in the same way. "So you can't fix it."

Maggie caught sight of her sometimes at work--always Supergirl, professional and pleasant--at a crime scene or a car crash. Alex saw her more often. But they didn't see _Kara_ , except by accident, or if Alex really pushed. Once Maggie had seen her walking down the street with that Luthor woman, a smile so bright it would hurt in the evening. They'd both seen her out with Mon-El at the alien bar. She'd come over to say hi then, eager and friendly, but also guarded. And tired. Maggie clamped her jaw closed, glanced just once at Mon-El, and said nothing. But she'd never forget the way Kara had cried, had been shattered, while confessing that he'd given her an orgasm, and it had felt like nothing.

An orgasm _was_ nothing. It was just a release of neurons, and excitement of nerves and the brain triggered by physical stimulation. That wasn't what mattered. And Maggie didn't think he could give her what mattered.

And then she'd come to their window, one lazy night, while Alex had been in boy mode and Maggie had, for a little while, put her guilt aside.

She'd been flighty, skittish, but she'd _come_. She'd let Alex lead her to the couch, she'd let them touch her, she'd gone soft, relaxed when Alex put an arm around her shoulders, she'd pulled Maggie in, wanting her close. Her hair had been wet, just out of the shower, a raw soapiness to her scent, and slight welts on her arms, where she'd grated her bullet proof skin with the only thing that could leave marks--her own nails.

She'd fallen asleep there, her head on Alex's knee, her feet tucked into Maggie's lap. Alex's hand sifted through her hair and he looked over, eyes big and dark and worried. 

"Is she okay?" he asked.

Maggie let out a rough breath. Even Alex--who had so little experience with good relationships that he was terrible at identifying bad ones--was seeing it. She shook her head. "I don't think she's happy."

"Because of--" Alex made a weak gesture between them.

And of course that was what he was thinking, that it was them, that having Kara be the center of their fight was what had pushed her away. But Alex hadn't been there for Kara's quiet confessions about how disappointed she was with her relationship, not all of them. He didn't know what Maggie had been trying to protect her from He didn't know the consequences of her failure. Maggie bit her lip. "No. I think it's Mon-El. I don't think he's making her happy."

Alex sat up sharply. "Is he hurting her?" His eyes flashed. "What are we going to do about it? I won't let her-- It's my job to keep her from getting hurt."

" _Alex_." He was being too loud with Kara asleep right there. And he just-- his certainty that they could just go in and fix it grated across Maggie's skin like Kara's nails had grated across her own. He could try, but how many times had there been a girl Maggie loved who'd picked some shithead; she'd do everything she could to stop it, and all she'd get was told to butt out. But Alex hadn't had the same experiences with caring too much about girls who couldn't love you back. "I can't stop her from making her own choices, and neither can you."

"I can if they're bad choices!"

"You couldn't stop her from becoming Supergirl."

Alex flinched. Agent Danvers and Supergirl were a great team. Maggie had seen it time and again, but whenever Kara got hurt, Alex would grumble in bed about how it was stupid, and Kara shouldn't risk herself for the thankless world. The thankless world should learn how to save themselves. If Alex had his own way about it, Kara would never put on her cape again.

Alex huffed out a breath and rubbed his hand over his head. "It makes her happy. So I put up with it. But if he _isn't_ making her happy, I have a small pod ready to program with a trajectory directly into the sun--"

"Shhh," Maggie said as his voice got too loud. Kara seemed tired all the time. They shouldn't wake her when she seemed to be getting so little rest. "We can talk to her in the morning. _Ask_ her if there's anything she needs. We can make sure she knows she's safe here. Well, _you_ can."

Alex frowned at her, a long furrow in his brow. "Why not you?"

Maggie felt the heaviness of lead fill her veins. "Because I already did, and now she knows that I have a ulterior motive. She can't hear it from me without hearing that underneath, and I--"

The press of Kara's mouth, her curious eyes, how they'd searched her--searched to find what she was offering and discovered that it was such a paltry thing. It had been the kindest version of that look. Maggie had seen it more times than she wanted to remember: when she'd lost control of her tongue, and girls, wondering why she cared so much, would look at her, and then see that one thing she had wanted to hide, see her for _what_ she was instead of _who_ she was. Then they reacted. It hadn't always been disgust. Too often it had been pity.

"--I don't want to be an annoyance."

Maggie looked away. She couldn't meet Alex's eyes anymore.

"Okay," Alex said. He didn't look like he understood, but he understood that this was something that made Maggie uncomfortable, and he'd protect her from that too, her pretty, brave boy. "I'll talk to her in the morning."

But in the morning Kara was already gone.

#

Alex tried to talk to Kara for days afterward. She hated this false friendliness, with Kara always turning her down with a cheery exclamation point and a smiley. If Kara was upset, she should _talk to Alex_ , and Alex would fix it. That was her job. That was why they had each other.

If Alex was the reason Kara was pulling away, she'd accept it. She understood, too. After the way Alex had overreacted to the fake blow job, Kara had to know how she felt. And no matter what Mom had said, Kara had never felt like that about her. Alex knew the unpleasantness of someone's interest--Max Lord only being the most recent. It felt like rancid oil rubbed over the back of your neck. Kara was kind, pretending not to know. Still, kindness plus distance hurt a lot.

But if Maggie was right, and it was Mon-El, wel,l Alex could do something about that. She could fix it . . . if Kara wanted her to, if Kara would just _tell_ her what was wrong.

That Saturday night they ran into Kara at the alien bar. The room was dark and loud and full of people. Long tables were full of human-passing aliens--Daxamians, Mon-El's friends. Mon-El was at the head of the table, laughing and drinking and showing off, reveling in this small space where he got to be _the prince_ he'd always expected he'd be. Kara was at his side, floral and pretty and perfect in a way that used to express her happiness but these days seemed to mean she was on edge, anxious. Alex didn't like that. If Maggie was right and it was Mon-El making her feel that way, Alex didn't care if she'd break her hand on his stupid alien jaw. She would punch him in the face. 

When Kara saw them, she flinched. Kara's reactions were usually blink quick, but she hadn't been able to hide this one. Still, she slipped away from Mon-El's group and joined them, smiling and exclaiming like she was happy to see them--like she hadn't just _visibly flinched_ when they came in. Her flushed cheeks and distant eyes said that Kara had clearly been at the bar for some time already, drinking steadily the whole time. She was drunk, drunker than she usually let herself get, and that put Alex on alert, made her stiff and uncommunicative, unable to actually do anything that might help. She wanted to check and make sure Kara was okay, she wanted to wrap her up and protect her. But Kara didn't even seem to want her around. So she pounded three shots instead.

Maggie, though, saw the same thing and just stepped in, pulling Kara into their circle, making it a stable triad, and asked her if she knew how to dance the Thelakian way. At the question Kara had relaxed, laughed a little and let Maggie lead her around. The liquor let Alex unclench enough to take her hand for the third part, and for a moment Kara looked right into her eyes with that unguarded affectionate gaze, and seemed like Kara again, soft and without barriers, theirs and alive.

They'd come out for beer and pool, but the music was loud, the people louder, and as long as Kara was with them, pool and beer were forgotten for whiskey sours and dancing.

When Maggie headed off to get more drinks, Alex looped her arms around Kara's shoulders and swayed lazily with her for a moment. "Are you okay?" she asked. She knew her head was fuzzy, but she didn't need to be sober to care about Kara. It was an autonomic function.

Tension rippled through Kara's body like flesh becoming steel. Her head turned away. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

Alex knew what resistance on Kara looked like, but it had never stopped her from forging ahead before, and it wouldn't now. "You seemed a little rough when you came over the other night."

"It was just a bad day--a rescue, went badly."

And that was a lie. Alex's arms tightened around her shoulders. "You know you can tell me if anything is wrong. You know you _should_ tell me."

There was a very small wry laugh from Kara. Her eyes were distant, focusing somewhere past the wall behind Alex's shoulder, but the tension in her was gone. "Everything's fine."

"Mon-El? Is he fine? Is he good enough for you?"

"He's _fine_ , Alex. I'm just-- I'm glad I'm with someone. It's easier not to be alone."

Alex stayed holding her, rocking back and forth, and puzzled over that statement. In her experience it was a lot easier to be alone. It wasn't _better_ , but it was easier. With Maggie she had to process her feelings, explain herself when she screwed up, try to remember not to do dangerous things because Maggie would be scared for her. It was a lot harder to be accountable to another person. Before Maggie, she'd only been accountable to Kara, and she'd denied that accountability a lot. And maybe-- no, not maybe, she knew that denying that accountability had made Kara feel lonely. Kara deserved to not feel alone.

"You know we love you, right?" she murmured, pulling Kara closer in so that she could tuck her chin on her shoulder and say the words right into her ear. "You know we'll never let you be alone."

"I know," Kara said, but her voice had no spark to it and her arms were lax. Her body was not tense, but it also did not welcome touch. 

"Babe!" Mon-El shouted from across the room. "Get over here. Jik-Pe wants to ask you a question."

Kara turned. Alex tried not to let her go, but Kara gave her a dead-eyed look, then slithered out of her arms, going back to the group of guys to face the question which elicited a roar of laughter even before Kara was allowed to answer. Alex was too far away to hear what it was, but from Kara's red face and sloped shoulders it was humiliating.

Fury built in Alex's gut. She started towards the table. Kara was being hurt. Alex _needed_ to protect Kara. But someone grabbed her arm. It was Maggie. Alex scowled at her. Why was she stopping her? If she couldn't protect Kara from sadness, dissatisfaction and humiliation, what was her life _worth_?

But Maggie wasn't even looking at her. Her eyes were still on the Daxamian party, and Alex followed her gaze. 

Mon-El had pulled Kara on to his lap, and she settled in, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. They kissed lightly, and Kara smiled, just a little, with the softness of an alighting butterfly, and Alex felt the twist in her gut, the ache of it. Kara wanted this. She wanted to not be alone. She thought it was worth it.

Alex couldn't help.

"She said she was lonely," Alex mumbled. "But why can't she not be lonely with us? We could just take her home and keep her. She wouldn't have to be lonely if she was with us."

Maggie looked up at her, her eyes sad. She cupped her cheek, her thumb rubbing over Alex's cheekbone--clearly checking her pupils' reactions. "You need some water, babe?"

Alex grimaced. She'd lost count of her whiskeys worrying over Kara. She nodded, and Maggie led her to the bar where M'gann gave them both a quietly contemplative look and two waters.

They stepped outside into the cool darkness of the alley to drink them. Maggie sighed into hers, leaning against the wall, both of them taking turns to glance back at the door, as if either of them had X-ray vision.

"Do you think about that too?" Maggie asked, a little absently, gaze lifted to the tiny crack of sky reflecting the city lights back down at them.

"What?" Alex asked, the cool air and the water beginning to make her thoughts make more sense already.

"Taking her home, having her _be_ home." Maggie's voice was steady. She hadn't been drinking, and the words came out like they were old ones. Like these thoughts had been rolling around her head for long enough to feel well-trodden. "I think about it. When she curls up on the couch and dozes off, we could just move her to the bed instead of waking her up so she can leave. She'd be there in the morning, every morning. You could kiss her after brushing your teeth, kiss me too, and maybe we'd forget to get up, because she'd be there, so pretty." Maggie flashed Alex a small smile. "We could show her how pretty she is, and then make sure she gets all the breakfast she wants. Her hairbrush on the sink, her tall red boots tripping you up on the floor, her criticizing my muesli but stealing bites when I'm not looking." The words paused for a moment, and there was a look on Maggie's face, unreadable, but almost shocked. "She could be _ours_." Maggie looked angry suddenly, hurt. "God, fuck this," she said, and she spun and strode away, "I'm getting an Uber."

Alex stood in the alley, her head tangled and confused. What-- what was Maggie saying?

 _Ours_. Maggie had said that before. Alex hadn't known what it was supposed to mean. But Maggie's words rang in her head, sending images lighting up in Alex's mind: the warm scent of Kara curled up between them on the couch at night, arguments over breakfast, and kisses in the morning. Mesmerized by Kara's sea-change eyes, she'd lean her forehead against Kara's, close enough to share breath, Kara's arms so warm, holding her in a circle of the gentlest strength. Maggie would make her laugh and Alex could hold her close, and Kara would be safe. She'd feel safe, knowing she had her humans on her side, she'd make Alex feel safe, feel worthy. Together they could make sure Maggie felt that way too. Not giving up Maggie for Kara or giving up Maggie to give her to Kara, but have them both close and together, have them draw her between them, keep her supported on both sides.

Those thoughts made everything in Alex feel like it was wound up with catgut. Was it even possible to have three people love each other like that? Even if it was, it felt precious in its rarity, three people in that configuration needing to spin at just the right rates to remain stable, like fermions creating atoms. It would be so easy for something to shift and ruin everything. And it would be her. No doubt Alex was the lepton with the wrong angular rotation. It was hard enough for her to be in a relationship with one person, adding a second would be _selfish_ , overwhelmingly so. Alex didn't deserve to have that many people putting up with her. And the idea of _Kara's_ love, Kara's interest or attraction to her was just--

But she'd seen Kara's eyes, looking up at her from between her legs, the blue dildo weighting down her plump lower lip, the way her pupils had been dilated, the heat in her cheeks, and now the quiet empty sadness that enveloped her as she spoke of being alone and slipped away to take what comfort she could from Mon-El.

Was this a possibility they'd missed out on, one she hadn't even seen or dreamed could be real?

#


	18. Chapter 18

Maggie headed back into the bar, to grab their jackets and to ask Kara if she was ready to go home and wanted to come with them instead of waiting for Mon-El. No matter how Kara might look at her for asking that, that was basic protocol, especially with drunk girls. You gave them an out. And if they were a little  _ too _ drunk, you did your best to make sure they took it.

In the coatroom there was a Daxamian Maggie didn't know with his hands all over a female-presenting Tharlak. Maggie took in the tableau in an instant and strode over. The Tharlak was pulling against the grip on her arm, and her eyes were the shade of pink that meant panic. Her mouth was open, but Tharlak didn't have vocal chords, so there was only the outhiss of breath.

"Hey!" Maggie yelled, reaching for the lead-coated brass knuckles she kept in her pocket when it was inappropriate to wear her gun. "Let go of her!"

The Daxamian turned, he scowled, opened his mouth, the Tharlak broke his grip, Maggie punched him, he threw her into a wall, the Tharlak fled the room, Maggie picked herself up.

<What do  _ you _ want, brood mare?> The Daxamian spoke in his own language, but Maggie had had enough run-ins with assholes from Daxam to know what he meant. The final insult meant something like 'woman too ugly to fuck for pleasure,' but Maggie had been called worse things.

<You don't force a girl,  _ asshole _ > Maggie shot back, though the 'asshole' was in English.

"What's going on here?" Mon-El stepped into the coatroom, clearly on his way back from the toilets, as he was just finishing buttoning his fly.

The Daxamian's response was too fast for Maggie to parcel it all out, but she heard the words <fuck-muffin> and <no provokation> and then <prince>. Mon-El stood straighter and frowned at Maggie with an expression that she suspected was meant to be serious and imperious but just looked dumb.

"Why did you attack my subject?"

Maggie wanted to snort. "This is still my jurisdiction, prince," she retorted. "You don't get to put your hands on girls who don't want it here."

The Daxamian's response was clearly insulted.

Mon-El cocked his head, looking at Maggie a little confused. "But they were just petting. A little fun. You didn't need to interfere."

"She didn't want it."

Mon-El laughed.

Maggie stared at him. Slowly Mon-El stopped laughing and looked confused. "Tell me," Maggie said. "Why was that funny?"

Mon-El seemed to note the threat in her voice and paused before he spoke. "I mean . . . I just find it silly. Sex is great. Some people are prudes, but everyone  _ enjoys  _ it. It's like saying that giving someone a cake is a crime. Kid-Ah here was making her feel good."

Maggie's felt the volcano of fury inside her start to overflow. This was everything Kara had been saying all along. That Mon-El was  _ confused _ . He thought that anything he did would naturally bring pleasure to his partner. But that was no defense. His ignorance was coercive. He kept making Kara think there was something wrong with her for not reacting to his advances. By being obstinantly stupid, and not even wondering whether he could be wrong, he was brainwashing Kara into putting up with sex she didn't want and feeling like she was the problem when she didn't want it. That wasn't okay.

"No," Maggie said flatly. "He was making her feel afraid, sickened, in pain. He was  _ harming _ her."

"I don't see how you've come to that conclusion." 

"She ran away!"

Mon-El made a face. "There are lots of reasons why she might have run away--"

"Because I  _ know how it feels _ ." Her words clanged like steel. 

For a moment, Mon-El's eyes went wide, and then he put his smile back on. "But you're-- what did they say, a lettuce-be-en? A man is inherently--"

"It wasn't a man." Maggie shook her head. "It wasn't a stranger. It was a partner." She stared Mon-El down. "Does that make you even more confused? I could be in a relationship with a person, I could  _ love _ this person, and I still didn't want to be touched like they touched me."

Mon-El looked bewildered. The other Daxamian crossed his arms like he was annoyed that this was taking so long, but he looked worried when his eyes fell on his prince. 

"How does Kara look after you fuck her? Does she look happy? Does she look calm and relaxed? Do you even  _ look at her  _ after?" Maggie heard her own voice, too loud, too angry, and fought to tamp it back down. "Have you ever wondered if she's feeling the same things you're feeling? Have you asked her what she likes or what she finds sexy or her favorite ways to be touched?"

Mon-El's mouth moved, but no words came out.

"Not everyone feels the same way about sex as you do. Not everyone thinks of it as 'cake.' The Tharlak woman was screaming with her eyes, but your  _ subject _ ignored her clear expression of refusal. And Kara-- Kara is trying to be a good girlfriend. Kara is trying  _ so hard _ to be a good girlfriend. But have you even  _ noticed _ that she might not have the same libido as you? Do you  _ listen _ to her? Do you  _ ask  _ her?"

"I-- of course--"

" _ It has to be every time _ !" Maggie balled her hands into fists and shook her head. "I know what it's like to not be listened to, to be hurt by the people you care about, to be told that what I liked and what I didn't like made me a bad girlfriend, a bad lesbian, a bad person, to be gaslit into believing that. And you will  _ not _ do that to Kara. If I see one more sign that you aren't treating her right, you're going to figure out just what kind of punishment I can bring down on you and  _ all _ your subjects."

Mon-El gaped at her for a long moment and then turned to the other Daxamian and spoke quickly. Maggie caught a little of it. <guests on this planet> <ask explicitly before the sharing of affection> <cultural confusion> <yes, remind everyone please>. The other Daxamian didn't look thrilled, but he slunk off.

Mon-El turned back to Maggie and inclined his head. "I appreciate your explanation," he said. "I think I understand better now." He smiled. "I am glad that Kara has such friends as you."

He left, and Maggie leaned back against the wall, blinking back tears. All of her energy had fled and she was exhausted, and so . . . disappointed. That was a good result. It sounded like he might have heard her. It would be great if he could be a good boyfriend to Kara and make her happy.

But it wasn't what she really wanted.

#


	19. Chapter 19

Kara was drunk. She was very drunk. She hadn't been this drunk in a long time, which was good, because tonight she was thinking about things she didn't want to be thinking about. She was thinking about the sweet curve of Maggie's ass, about Alex's casual upright stance, and the way it would be so easy to tangle herself up in them. It wasn't even a sexual thought. She hadn't had a properly sexual feeling in days, maybe weeks. It was just the longing to be easy with them, to laugh and let them comfort her. Alex's sturdy loyalty was a sword at her side and Maggie's quietly generous care was a shield.

But those feelings were wrong. She couldn't have them.

She knew she shouldn't have gone to Maggie's apartment that night, fallen asleep between their warm bodies, but she'd needed it. She'd needed comfort that didn't come along with trying--and failing--to explain what was wrong. But when she'd woken up, tucked under a blanket on the couch, a pillow replacing Alex's thigh under her head, their night-hot bodies tangled together in the next room, infra-red in her xray vision, she'd remembered why she couldn't go to  _ them _ , why going to them only made it worse.

Kara had always prided herself on being more normal than Alex. Even though she was the alien, Kara was the one who got dates and average grades and wore the right clothes and could cook (reasonably) and did her make-up with ease. But she knew now that her wins in these areas weren't because she was in any way better than Alex at being normal. It was because Alex had been pretending to be someone she wasn't. And it was time for Kara to stop pretending to be someone she wasn't too.

Back when she'd been on RedK she'd accused Alex of being jealous of her and trying to diminish her, but in truth Kara was the jealous one. Every good thing Alex had, Kara wanted it too. Everything Alex or Maggie offered her, she'd wanted more. But she couldn't have it. She was a stranger on Earth, an alien among humans, and her body, her need, her capacity, they were wrong for this world. Scraps of love would be enough. It was better to not tempt herself, to not remember the warm press of Maggie's lips, or the soft gasp of Alex's orgasm, to not imagine things she could never have.

She had to accept that she couldn't be happy like Alex was. But she didn't want to take any of Alex's happiness away. If they knew how she felt, they'd feel bad for her. So she couldn't let them know she wasn't okay.

When they came into the bar, Alex was wearing no make-up, in a flannel and a sleeveless undershirt, her jeans low-slung on her hips. Her hair was tied back in a tiny ponytail, loose strands flopping in her face, that put her somewhere between Agent Danvers and off-duty Alex, comfortable and casual, boyish and pretty and sexy all at once. Maggie in tight jeans and a zip-up hoodie was tucked under her arm, but not in a small way. She propped people up. She was sturdy and reliable and oh so far away.

It was like Kara's body remembered the way it had felt with them around her, it was like, it lurched toward them, wanting it again, wanting their warmth, their comfort. The alien alcohol made her want their hands on her body. Alex kissing up her neck, Maggie encompassed in the fall of her hair, Kara reaching around from behind her to cup her breasts, weigh them in her hands. And for a moment, she thought she could risk it. What did it matter that Alex and Maggie belonged to each other? She knew they both wanted her, in one way or another. She have them if she chose. It would be simple: target them separately, tell them she wanted them, make them fall into betrayal to give her what she wanted. 

Not just good sex, though she wanted that now, she'd wanted that the moment they walked in the door. She wanted  _ devotion _ .

_ They'd promise to love her forever. She would have them. She would break them, her body too powerful for mere humans to sate. But if that was all they could ever have, one moment of devotion before death, they'd never break their promise to love her.  _

For a moment, that thought hovered in her head, and it felt _ good. _

_ Is that what you really want? _

It wasn't. It was the last thing she wanted. But it wasn't _fair_. Maggie so pretty when she danced. Alex's sweet teasing smile warmed her. Fury shorted through her like broken live electrical wires. She wanted  _ them _ , always. But she couldn't have them. And still they made her want them. How dare they?

Of course, Alex, left alone, decided to check up on her. Kara had to lie. She had to stop Alex from worrying about her. But she liked Alex worrying about her. She liked the pain in her face when Kara pulled away. 

It was cruel, but it made Kara feel a little less alone.

It was cruel, so Kara kept drinking to wash the cruelty away.

She'd definitely drunk too much. Sick and swaying, she clung to the back of a chair, waiting for Mon-El to come back from the bathroom, feeling the eyes of his Daxamian friends on her, predatory, as if they thought she was incapacitated enough that they could hurt her. The joke was on them. They could beat her and fuck her as much as they wanted, and nothing would hurt like touching the edge of a love she couldn't have. Finally he came out, Maggie too, and Maggie stopped at the table, giving Kara a searching look that she knew she had to avoid.

Hey, babe," Maggie said. "You want to come home with us?" 

Mon-El's fingers tangled into hers. "It's all right. I'll take good care of her," he said.

Maggie looked at him for a moment, her eyes fierce, but he met them straight on, as if they were having a silent conversation without her.

Kara felt too sick to say anything, not accepting the offer, nor agreeing to let Mon-El be her minder, but Maggie turned and headed for the door anyway. 

It felt like half of herself was emptying out. Outside the Uber door slammed, hurting her eardrum, and Kara spilled her glass.

"Oh no, I think you've had enough,  _ Iyei _ ."

There was only one thought in Kara's head, so she said it. "I want to go home."

"She's gonna be blacking out, man," a Daxamian voice said. "Gonna get it good?"

"Fuck off," Mon-El snapped at him. "I'm taking my girl home to bed."

Kara clung to him as he hoisted her up and staggered across the bar. He was warm and sturdy, and he was a good guy. He wasn't like the other Daxamians. He wasn't what Maggie thought he was. He was good enough. They jumped home.

In the apartment he helped her to bed and tucked her in. Kara waited numbly for him to slip in, take his penis out and place it on her thigh. He'd done it so many times. And maybe she owed him for being so kind though she'd gotten so drunk, for taking her home.

"I just-- I don't feel like it tonight," she mumbled. "Sometimes I just-- I just don't feel like it."

"Of course,  _ iyei _ . Let me make you some tea." He ruffled her hair. "You're drunk as a log anyway. No fun getting down with a log."

Kara laughed and when he brought her some tea and snuggled in next to her she felt some of the lingering sickness in her stomach slip away. 

Morning came with a clatter. "Best hangover breakfast!" Mon-El announced, bringing it to her, wearing his Kiss the Cook apron again.

Kara smiled. "You're such a sweetie."

"I know you are, but what am I?" He proffered his lips for a kiss and she gave him one.

The hangover breakfast was full of very strange and gross hangover remedies, but there was also a lot of toast. She ate that. Mon-El sat crosslegged on the bed with her and smiled and rambled about things she liked hearing about, like puppies he'd seen at the park, and the new human music he'd discovered--"the BeeJees! They say they're really human. I was sure they were Maliki!"

A strange feeling washed over Kara, one she hadn't had in such a long time.  _ This _ , this was why she'd thought that it would be okay with him. This was what had been meant to be worth it in the first place. Sex hadn't turned out to be what she'd dreamed it could be, and they'd had problems communicating, not being in sync or in tune in the way Alex and Maggie pretended to be. But there was so much about him that was warm and open and innocent. She'd wanted him for a reason, not just because she'd been a fool.

It had been Maggie who'd made her think she'd been a fool. Alex had always been supportive, even with that blank smile that meant she had no idea what Kara saw in the other alien--but Alex was queer as a a bent stick and couldn't understand the physical charms of a handsome boy. But Maggie, Maggie had  _ reacted _ , she'd read what Mon-El did as red flags, bad signs, and Kara had started picking up on that, seeing inconsequential things he did as ugly, as indications that he didn't care about her, but that just wasn't true.

How could it be true when he could be so kind, so charming, so solicitous? She could look at him here and want to lie under him, to take him inside her, feel the urgent thrusts of his body, his panting and the firmness of his sweaty chest. His big, beautiful dick, filling her from behind, pressing against places that tuned her body to a primal, ethereal state. He could be devoted. She could love him for that devotion.

"Thank you," Kara said softly, "for being so considerate."

Mon-El gave her a long, searching look. "Kara . . . if you don't want to have sex, you can just say so. I don't want to pressure you."

Startled, Kara's face went hot. She felt  _ seen _ . "What? No. Of course I'd say no. I haven't been--" Then a chill twisted up the insides of her stomach. Those words, that sentiment, they didn't sound like Mon-El. "Did . . . someone talk to you?"

Mon El smiled a shit eating grin and scratched behind his ears. "No. I mean. Well, yes, but also you know, I don't want you to feel bad because you don't have a high sex drive like me. But, well, Maggie might have pinned me down and told me that you needed to be treated with respect last night."

Maggie. 

Of course it was Maggie. Of course she could not leave well enough alone. Kara was  _ fine. _ She didn't need help. She didn't need saving. She just needed to be left alone so that she could figure out how to be with Mon-El and be happy with him. Maggie had been helpful enough with the lube, with Kara figuring out what she liked, with helping her learn the basics of hand-jobs and blow-jobs, but Kara hadn't asked her to come in and fix her relationship, to make her feel like wanting this, settling for this, was  _ wrong _ .

_ She didn't have any other options. _

"I guess she and your sister are pretty serious, yeah? Because that felt like a sister-in-law level shovel talk."

"Yeah, guess so," Kara said through a tight jaw.

"Anyways, I just wanted us to be clear. No hard feelings if you aren't into it. Or if I'm not." He laughed.

"Thank you," Kara said, trying to swallow down the bitterness that had risen up from her belly and filled her tongue. "And thank you for putting up with super drunk grumpy me last night."

"My pleasure." He lay back, dropping his head in her lap. "I mean, if you not being in the mood is going to be a  _ frequent _ occurrence, I can't say I'd hate having some smoking hot photos of you to contemplate all on my lonesome."

Then he rolled over, pushed up her shirt, and kissed her belly.

That sounded like something Maggie would call a warning sign. So what. Maggie needed to get out of her relationship and out of her head. "I could do that," she said. 

It would be fine.

Mon-El kissed his way up to her chest, and she drew her fingers up the back of his neck. She wasn't in the mood like she'd been a few minutes before, but why did that matter. Sex was sex. It was just about making bodies feel good. She could make it feel good.

A few minutes later when she was naked and he was panting and he entered her, she let her mind drift to kissing her way down a pale neck, collared, and a bony spine, the warmth of round hips slapping against her ass while hands snugly held her thighs. Sexy thoughts were free. They didn't belong to anyone, they were a fantasy.

And with a little fantasy, and Mon-El's cock filling her up, the tip hitting her in just the right way, she felt her peak near. There was no need to pull back, no fear that she'd hurt him--or anyone else by daring to have this. She let herself fall into the feeling.

She was  _ happy _ here. And no one, not Maggie, not Alex, could tell her begging for the untouchable cast-off scraps of their relationship was better than coming as hard as she wanted on her kind, affectionate boyfriend's cock.

#


End file.
